Frankly, No One Really Wants To Host

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I used to watch House Hunters on HGTV. It was a great show to fall asleep to. The most popular joke about that show is that two people making $40,000 combined are shopping for a multi-million dollar home.

But the one thing I always noticed was that everyone wanted a space to host.

I always laughed when people said that because everyone wants to host, but no one actually WANTS to host. They love the idea of it but hardly put it into practice.

Not to say there aren't people who host. I know a few who enjoy throwing a party here and there, but most people are full of shit.

Hosting is always the same. You do a ton of work to get things ready, and then when the party starts you’re pulled in all different directions and hardly have time to mingle and enjoy yourself. And if you have kids? Forget about it.

On TV shows with wealthy people, they aren’t even doing any of the party planning. There’s a reason for that. The wealthy hire planners to do all the work. I highly doubt anyone reading this can afford that luxury, I know I sure can’t. But if you want to help me throw better parties please become a paid subscriber, maybe I’ll even send you an invite someday.

Years have passed since I stopped watching House Hunters, but I still think about it. Probably too much. Mainly because the older I get, the fewer people I know who will host anything. All the events I attend these days are kids' birthday parties, and even then nobody has them at their house. They rent out some play space for a few hours and call it a day.

Listen, it’s great to know someone with a boat, but you don’t want to be the person with a boat. Hosting is the same thing. Everyone wants to go to the party. Nobody wants to throw it.

Nobody except one guy.

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He wants to throw these huge, extravagant events that lean trashy, though he thinks they're great. Parades, concerts, UFC events, he hosts it all. The problem is no one really wants to be there, not even the performers. But he's figured it all out because he doesn't spend a dime of his own money. None of us are invited, and yet we're stuck footing the bill.

I can picture Trump on House Hunters, walking through the tackiest listings, explaining how he needs room to host. It would be the most honest episode ever. Just picture him in the White House, talking about turning everything to gold, knocking down the East Wing for a ballroom, walking the lawn and explaining how perfect it is for a UFC event.

I try to understand why someone like him needs to host so many events. People will say vanity, and there’s probably some truth to that.

Honestly… I think it’s because all he’s ever wanted was to be part of the social elite, and he was never welcomed. They all hated him and never wanted him around. So this is his way of coping. And now we all have to pay for his hurt feelings.