I believe age dysphoria will be a recognized diagnosis someday. In my blog, I explore the current awareness of age dysphoria and also discuss my own personal...
You never get tired of food, don’t you? It may feel like you’ve had too much pasta, but you’ll still crave some kind of meal the next day. It’s the same with water, or sleeping, or sexual desire to those inclined. But for my system, there’s one more insatiable hunger: being a toddler. The yearning pulls from the corner of my mind. Be a baby. Wear a footed sleeper, hug your stuffed cat, wear…
I am irresponsible. For I, Can't clean dishes daily Can't consistently take my meds Can't wash my laundry, let alone put it away Can't work without constant crying Can't stick to any budget I create and much, much more. "Irresponsible" : Doesn't the word make you twinge? It carries moral judgement. It holds much trauma, for it's weaponized against so many of us autistic folks. To my parents, I was…
A Wash of Feelings “I worry about you, Nia, all alone out there in the world. You're too nice, and it's too easy for people to take advantage of you.” She said this in a singsongy tone, my sister, not too dissimilar to how one might excite a child, but with a grimace leaking through. Let's call her Claire during this journal. I should be ecstatic. She thinks I can't care for myself. She thinks I'm…
I'm a little girl. Gaah, it feels sooooo good. I'm a little girl I'm a little girl I'm a little girl!!! It's SO GOOD. SO GOOD. I'm tiny, small, itty-bitty very young diapered cat little girl!!! 💗💜💗 Why does it feel so right? It's trueness, its warmth, the way it settles and holds the heart. We are little girls! We squeeze ourselves tight, embraced our stuffed shark and her soft texture. We feel…
(This post applies more to younger age identities. I plan to make more posts like this but for other dysphoria kinds.) Adult Cognition. It never turns off. Its sirens are ever blazing. I'm outside, playing with my stuffee Mittons the Cat. She's jumping from tree to tree, and I'm with her. Almost. But part of me isn't. Maybe it's 3 or 8%, but part of me is noticing that I am playing, that I want to…
Sharky is so soft. I rub my face across her dithered fur. Rub, rub, rub. She holds refreshing coldness inside her body. She cools me as I stim. We bury under the covers together, and I squeeze her so tight! Instantly, I shrink. A soothing wave travels through, and I become me. I'm a little girl hugging my stuffie, and she's massive in comparison. Hair flowing long against my sides, there's this…
A Tale Against Time You're picking Mccoun apples at an orchard. They're too high to reach, so your father hoists you into the air. You twist one off the tree. You're swimming at the local pond. You and your friend are sea dragons, and you must travel to the far kingdom of the fountain to deliver eggs. You dive back under the water. In the living room, you and your sister turned the upholstered…