Hi! I’m Carly. I’m an ex-therapist who quit my job in 2018, after years of burnout, to become a coach. This is my publication, “Fortune, Fulfilled,” which is about helping you find your Sweet Spot between fulfilling work, and life changing money. If I’m not writing from Wānaka, New Zealand, with my dogs at my feet, I’m probably off adventuring around the world. If you’re new here, say hi in the comments!
This is the fifth in a series called “Lessons from Psychology that Made Me a Better Coach.” I’m also the creator of The Midas Coach — a professional development programme and industry shake-up for coaches who want to be fluent in psychology, and exceptional coaches as a result. TMC opens twice a year; the next invitations go to the waitlist from August 24–28th. Details, client love and the waitlist are all here.
Have you ever coached a client who was “technically” doing the thing — executing the launch, in their gym programme, turning up to the sessions — but you could feel that some part of them just wasn’t fully invested?
Have you watched a client build out a launch and, at the same time, believe it wasn’t going to “work” the way they wanted? It starts showing up in their copy — they’re speaking to the people who can’t afford it, they’re getting frustrated at the tyre kickers, and they’ve given up hope right before it all starts paying off. And then when it doesn’t work, just like they expected, they use it as evidence: they’re not capable, it doesn’t work for them, they’re the exception to the rule, maybe they should just give up.
Have you ever had a client who starts the gym programme but is already talking about the week it’s going to fall apart? Who says they want the body, the grounded relationship with food, but who has already decided that they’re just “not the type of person who can stick to it”?
The longer these clients keep creating new evidence that “it’s not working,” the more disengaged they become from the process. And before you know it, it’s the end of their contract and they walk away — frustrated at best, or blaming you at worst.
I’ve seen this. I’ve seen clients who hired new team members and, on the same day, told me how they already “knew” the new hire wouldn’t be good enough. I’ve seen clients who give up mid-launch and go through the motions because they’ve already assumed it wasn’t working. I’ve watched myself let myself off the hook with running training, because I didn’t see myself as someone who would ever “be successful as a runner.”
This pattern is universal, because it’s human nature. Creating something extraordinary — whether it’s a new body, a bigger business, a harmonious family — asks us to overcome it.
The pattern I’m talking about is how we allow our old expectations to determine our future results. Because, as research tells us, the expectation we hold about how something will turn out has a strong tendency to come true. Not because we’re reading the future, or because our thoughts directly influence reality. Instead, we’re causing the future through our often unconscious expectation of how it will turn out. And as coaches, we don’t just have to be aware of shifting our client’s expectations — we have to be aware of how our own unconscious expectations of the client are influencing how we coach them, and the standards we invite them into.
I’m writing this piece as a “how to” for all coaches — first exploring the research on how unconscious expectation influences client results, and second, how we identify and shift those expectations of our clients, but also of ourselves as part of the client’s environment.
When we can do this, we’re able to coach clients who are aiming for results we have never ourselves reached for. I know this is a contentious issue, so I don’t say it lightly. This is not about selling outcomes you have no idea how to create, or promising clients deliverables you don’t know how to deliver. It is about examining and excavating where your expectations, based on your experience, are limiting both yourself and your client.
Shifting these expectations is a powerful agent in helping your clients defy odds, overcome limited perceptions of their potential, and achieve outcomes that simply do not make sense.
Kinda the entire point of coaching, right?
I believe this is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal. When our clients make their unconscious expectations conscious, and we take responsibility for ours too, now we have a formidable relationship. Both parties hold the shared expectation for what success looks like, and both parties fully expect that it is possible.
If you’re reading to this point and thinking “is this another one of those ‘believe it to receive it’ mystical manifestation strategies?”
It absolutely is not.
As partial as I am to what most would call “manifestation” — those who know me know that I approach this from an entirely scientific perspective. But not the “quantum physics” approach you might find the manifestation girlies trying to explain.
From an entirely psychological standpoint, our conscious and unconscious expectations are shaping the way we engage with the world. And as coaches, our expectations of our clients’ results are also shaping their results.
I’ll be precise, because this part gets misread. I’m not saying success is simply up to those who “decide” — though decision is an important piece of the equation. I’m also not saying that “belief” is required before we take action, or create an outcome.
I am saying that there are mountains of psychological research demonstrating the role of expectation on outcome. If you’re a coach — or even if you’re simply a personal development aficionado who loves to optimise and exercise mindset tools to your advantage — you’re going to love this piece.
I’m about to share with you:
what expectation actually is, and how it gets built
the four ways your expectations shape real results
the research on how a coach’s expectations move a client’s outcomes, and the four ways this happens
how to catch the moment your own expectations — of your client, and of yourself — are capping what’s possible
how to shift them without tipping into empty positive thinking or “manifestation”
the standard I hold to keep my clients’ ceilings open
This is the fifth of eight essays in the series — four are already published, and three more follow this one. It’s part of our lead into enrolment for The Midas Coach. Invitations go out only to the waitlist, from August 24–28th. We have both self-led and live mentorship options for this enrolment period. Details are here.
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