Emptiness inside.
What the fuck, America? You had one job, and instead of fixing your broken system, you chose to fuck it up for yourself and the rest of the world. What the fuck, America?! There was a time for words, then came a time for action. Both have passed now, and you chose to fuck it up for yourself and the rest of the world. I am lucky to live under privileged circumstances, safely in Europe, not yet much…
Walking through the fields on the farm where I am working now is a quieting and peaceful experience. You feel the presence of nature, filled with life and soul. The wind nestles your hair, the sun warms your face, and if you look closely, you can see thousands of little animals working tirelessly for you vegetables to grow. Among them, you can see many families of ducks and ducklings walking…
To most people, cheese seems like a simple thing: yet another dairy product. To others, cheese is an important part of their life and culture that means much more to them than simply “dairy”. To still others, cheese is a product they produce, eat, and sell. I'm still on the farm that I mentioned in my earlier post about milking . Today, a guest arrived at the farm who had lived his childhood in a…
A quiet breeze ebbs and flows over the wide meadow in front of the cottage. Further down behind a low elevation purls a shallow brook, gurgling, and lapping against the poles of a wooden bridge. Below a knobby larch you spot a bench made from gnarly branches - old and weathered like everything you see. Emily sits on the bench. The vast night sky stretches above her unimaginably far and wide. It is…
I tentatively came out today! It was only to a few people whose opinion of me means little to me - but it's not nothing and a solid first step. After almost causing a bad mess at work, I see now though that I should take things a bit slower. I only slept four hours last night, and was the whole day extremely distracted by my thoughts. That is a bad starting point for work that requires…
My world is spinning so quickly right now that I fear I will get dizzy or get flung out into space. In no small part is this due to lili's post about her trans journey. Her post was an inspiring read, and I really admire how quickly she went from acknowledging her feelings to actually experimenting and transitioning. From the perspective of me as a very shy person, this shows incredible courage…
I write this blog in English, which is not my native language. This might be apparent but I have good reasons: firstly, I want to practice my writing skills through this blog, and secondly writing in English helps me stay more anonymous while reaching a wider audience 1 . The problem with that approach is that I struggle to express myself, and it takes a lot of energy. Though energy is exactly…
Many years ago, a group was founded by juniors at my workplace. The goal: help others to integrate, organize events so everyone has fun, and represent the interests in workplace politics. It was and is a good idea but the board has a very high turnover with many people coming and going, so there was seldomly the same group of people in charge over a long period of time. Then Covid-19 happened.…
Writing yesterday's post “ Am I transgender? ” left me feeling incredibly confused and - to my great surprise - profoundly happy. Then I started reading: I read a few fellow bear blogs, especially lili 's blog spoke to me, then I explored egg_irl on Reddit 1 , and discovered Natalie Reed's essay “ The Null HypotheCis ”. I now realize I should have done much more reading much earlier - but I was…
In the last few posts I have tried to talk more openly than is possible offline about my gender dysphoria. I have also tried to state it more like a fact than a nebulous feeling, just to experience how it feels to say (or write) it out loud. It felt positively confusing. In this unexpectedly long post, I want to explore my confusion in more detail. Please bear with me while I will give examples of…