The Speech They Wouldn't Let Me Give At Graduation.

Slated to introduce the winner of the Opportunity Award, I wrote what I felt was a hard-hitting, yet truthful speech for the kid who receives the award at graduation. I’ve never been one to preach sunshine and rainbows at graduation. Follow your dreams! Nothing can stop you! Please. No Thanks. I’d much rather represent the future with the truth, and the truth is life only gets harder post-graduation. More freedom to choose who to become, yes, but also the responsibility that goes with it.

I wanted the speech to reflect how the student met challenges with frustration, and then completed them anyway. I wanted to celebrate his ability to take advantage of opportunities despite his fear of the work. I didn’t want to gloss over his hesitancy to get better. That hesitancy is integral to how he tackles challenges. I also thought I managed a solid joke or two in there.

But after I submitted the speech so the sign language interpreter could prepare for graduation, a member of our staff and the master of ceremonies approached me today to ask me to alter the speech. She had two major asks.

1. The speech was too long— could I make it shorter?

2. I focus far too much on the negative— could I make it more positive?

I respect this coworker to the depths of my soul. She has worked herself to the bone this year, and I trust her opinion above most folks. Her first critique is correct. This is, after all, an introduction speech. I’m not supposed to be making a point. I’m supposed to be celebrating a kid. I will forgive myself for this oversight. After three and a half years of writing this Substack, I suppose I can’t help myself. Telling stories and making points is what I do.

Her second critique, however, I disagree with. I think the negative is integral to highlighting the positive. I also think it is more representative of the truth. More so, the negative juxtaposed with the positive is the character of this school. I teach in a place where in the same 6-hour period a kid can set a lifetime deadlift PR while another kid bashes someone’s skull against a classroom door. Both are interesting events, but the contrast is what makes both of them remarkable, just as the contrast of my student’s resistance work is what makes him actually doing the work so important.

As I said before, I don’t believe in lying to kids at graduation. Follow your dreams, but understand that following a big dream is going to be one of the hardest things you ever attempt to do, and the person you become while working towards that dream is far more important than the destination anyway.

All this to say, I had to change the speech. It’s shorter, and similar, but I think less good. So I leave what I believe to be the good one here. When you read it, keep in mind that I planned on performing it… it doesn’t read quite like my other narratives.

Enjoy.

So, one of the last conversations I had with the recipient of the Opportunity Award went like this.

This student goes, “MAAAAAAAAAAN…the human race is cooked.”

[Pause, look around. Give a scrutinizing look.]

He goes, “If this was 5,000 years ago, I’d be chillen in my cave, roasting some meat, and I wouldn’t have to work. Look at us now. Just workin non-stop. We’re cooked.”

Interesting words from a student about to receive the prestigious UASGC Opportunity Award.

So I think to myself, let’s skip the logical fallacies of this argument– namely, that 5,000 years ago he’d probably just be dead from dysentery– and let’s focus on some attitude adjustment.

I say, “listen here kid. You’re about to hear my favorite paradox of life. This is the key to happiness.

Fact #1: The act of wanting something is in and of itself a negative experience. Which means the moment you find yourself thinking, “man, I wish I had that Ferrari,” or shoot, “wouldn’t it be nice to live there, man I wish I could live there.” The moment you have those thoughts, you’re having a negative experience. You’re wishing for something you don’t have. It makes you feel lesser.

Fact #2: The acceptance of a negative experience is in and of itself a positive experience. Which means the moment you accept something bad is happening like, “oh shoot, it’s raining and I forgot my umbrella, I’ll be alright,” or “Wooooaaahhhh, that’s a tough workout there Mr. Schuerch. Alright, bring it on.” The space in which you realize you’re going to accept those problems, you are having a positive experience. You’re realizing you have the tools to take on those challenges. It makes you feel better.

This student hears my advice, sits and thinks for a minute. Then he goes, “I don’t know Schuerch. Sounds like an L strategy. When you think that way all you do is set yourself up to deal with terrible things happening to you all the time.”

Man. I hate teaching smart kids.

But then I think to myself, this is so typical of this student. He complains about everything, but his actions betray him.

I think about how he lost forty pounds during junior year and then gained 15 pounds back in solid muscle his senior year. Counting macros, weighing out food, logging everything he ate. That’s hard, annoying, difficult work.

I think about how he showed up to weightlifting, rarely missing a day, to pick things up and put things down, and then going as hard as possible on a stationary-bike until he almost couldn’t breathe. That’s no fun– we all know that.

And then I think about the work he did this senior year in academics. He had done so poorly his sophomore and junior years he was convinced he was going to have to join the army in order to have a chance at getting into higher education with the GI bill. Yet he turned it around so much that he got accepted to a college this year. I like both parts of that. He accepted that he would have to join the military in order to go where he wanted to go, and he took every opportunity in front of him senior year and got into college anyway.

He of course complained while he did every bit of this. But I can’t help but think it’s his way of accepting the things that need to be done. He’ll give a sermon on why he shouldn’t do the thing he needs to do, and then he does it anyway.

He takes all the tiny annoying opportunities life throws at us, like exercising, taking care of mental health, like working in classes he doesn’t necessarily like in order to get grades he needs, and accepts them. He is comfortable being uncomfortable. He makes hard choices and follows through.

And it’s why I’m honored to give this year’s UASGC Opportunity Award… to _________________________

*Can’t write down the name of the winner on the off chance he sees this. Hope you enjoyed this more than my co-worker did.

*4 years ago, I read Kevin Kelly’s article, “1000 True Fans.” The gist of it goes like this. Create a following of people who become fans of what you do. Be so damn good at what you do that people want to give you money so you continue doing it.

Here’s what I do. I teach, and I write stories about it.

If you’re in the position where you don’t mind becoming a paid subscriber, I hope you consider it… though if your initial reaction to that is, “fuck off, I’m just here to read,” then rock on.

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