Fiona Sad

Happy Sunday everyone.

This is just a quick check in.

I am currently experiencing a bout of depression. I am not sure what came first, the chicken or the egg, but I've been sick, very tired, lost my voice, I have a lot of stuff going on, trying to navigate band camp schedule and working and band camp dues.

I have a gig with a lawyer where he is supposed to call me when he gets a Medicaid application to work, but it's been months since he said this and I haven't gotten one Medicaid application. I really like my job and my management. Just need to aim for more. While I'm there, I need to work on my clinical license.

I am feeling overwhelmed about a lot of stuff I need to do, but I've just been laying in bed and watching TV instead of doing any of it. I need to get the stuff ready for residency verification for my son's school registration, choose a new IDR plan for student loans, figure out how to get my w2s for a business that's closed down so I can get my student loans paid off, or I have 25 more payments left.

Today, I managed to do a few things. Taught my son how to cook the hashbrown, veggie, egg mix, I washed a load of clothes and went to the grocery store. Made enough dinner for leftovers for lunch for several days. Other than that I just watched more TV. I did complete a shit ton of levels on Duo Lingo.

I think I was more productive today because I made myself go outside and watch a storm. Being outside helps.

I am getting my voice back, and I think I'm not sick anymore. But I'm still really tired and don't really have any interest in doing anything, which is why I haven't been as active on here the last couple of days.

But with all that is going on, I wanted to share this…

I fall asleep to a different Sound Asleep ASMR video every night, and yesterday one popped up called Isolation Rain. I clicked on it and was immediately taken back to my Granny's trailer on the lake, during “quiet time” when there was a storm, when everyone took a nap. I don't think I'll ever choose a different video now.

The lake was my favorite place, and the fact that it's not in my life anymore is a very sore subject to me. But when I hear this sound, I am brought back to that trailer on Smith Lake, big box fans blowing in every room, rain beating on the roof, loud hum of the air conditioning. I spent half of my summers there as a kid. The other half was spent at the local community pool.

Anyway, it's time to get back to my Hulk Hogan documentary on Netflix. Hope you had a good weekend. I'm sure I'll be fine in the next few days.

Love y'all.