The value of deep, meaningful connections cannot be overstated in the dynamic world of brand design and calligraphy, where creativity intertwines with personal expression.
You would think my roller-dex of names, numbers, and emails rolls in two-fold, but sadly, it does not.
As someone who thrives on crafting unique visual identities and engaging with clients on a profound level, I’ve found that maintaining a select circle of close friends has been difficult, if not impossible, in both my personal and professional life.
Growing up, my friends’ circle changed every school year till I reached high school, where it stayed the same (we were only one class)for a solid 5 years, where many relationships were being cemented into “we promise to be at each other’s weddings”. I can assure you that certainty did not happen.
What changed, did I or them?
Completing Grade 12 to prepare ourselves for university and the mass delusional of new friendships, there was an almost soft-hard end to many friendships which were cultivated over those 5 years.
I have certainly changed, and the person I was once she no longer exists. She has improved. Mainly when I chose to be married young and celebrate the birth of my daughter while climbing the corporate ladder.
Our focus changes, and learning to live without a group is undoubtedly a difficult task, and it often feels like it completely goes against our nature as social beings. It also bring about misery and a sense of loss. But what it does is make you stronger and more sure of who you are, without the validation of others. It's often a lonely road, but maybe it leads somewhere even better than we ever thought it could.
I’m now a wife, a mother, a dog mum, a business owner, and a wellness explorer, and I account for most of my time.
By focusing on a few trusted relationships, I can invest more time and energy into each, fostering genuine bonds that offer unwavering support and understanding. The friend age ranges from twenty-something to sixty-something. Each offers me a sense of comfort and support and solutions to certain areas of my life. This approach mirrors my care and attention to my sense of belonging.
Moreover, a smaller circle allows for more meaningful interactions, reducing the noise and distractions that can come with a more extensive social network and social media is not friends yet friendships can develop from these platforms.
In essence, just as in branding, where quality supersedes quantity, cultivating a few close friendships provides a solid foundation, enriching my life and work in ways that a broader network cannot.
It’s that soul-deep ache of being surrounded by people—friends, family, colleagues—yet feeling completely invisible. You may smile, nod, and go through the motions, but inside, you feel a sense of isolation that words can’t fully capture. You feel as though no one truly gets you, as if the truest parts of you are hidden, left unrecognized, while the world only acknowledges the version of you that fits in.
This kind of loneliness hits hard because it isn’t about the absence of people; it’s about the absence of connection. You crave to be seen for who you really are, to have someone understand your soul’s language, your quirks, your dreams, and the complexities of your heart. But when you’re misunderstood, it feels as if there’s an unbridgeable gap between your inner world and the outside one. It’s like standing behind a glass wall, desperately hoping someone will look through and truly see you, only to realize they’re gazing right past you.
The siloed nature of my friendship network has also shed light on why I sometimes think I put more effort into maintaining friendships than people who are part of a group. After all, it makes sense that maintaining several individual friendships would require more effort than rolling with the whims of a group, which can generate its own inertia for spontaneous get-togethers, brunches, lunches and dinners.
Have I been thrown away as a friend?
In that space of feeling unknown, you start to question yourself. You wonder if you should change if you should become what the world expects or desires, just to feel a hint of acceptance. But even then, the loneliness doesn’t vanish; it only grows. Because the deeper tragedy is the slow fading of your own essence, the parts of you that you start to hide or let go of, simply to belong. You become a shadow, a ghost of the vibrant self you once were, drifting silently, holding onto the hope that one day, someone might understand.
What makes this kind of loneliness so painful is that it’s not just the longing to be loved—it’s the longing to be known and loved for being known. For someone to look at the parts of you that are messy, complicated, and even broken and to say, “I see you. I understand. And I’m here.” It’s the yearning for someone to hear your heart’s quietest whispers and feel your soul's depths without judgment or expectation.
Do friendships have an expiry date? Does it mean your interests change, so your circle should change? Preplanned dinners become solo dates as you hang out with your newfound friendship? When is it time to call the time of death, and where does that leave you?
Yet, even in that terrible loneliness, there’s a quiet strength. There’s resilience in holding onto your essence, even when it feels invisible. There’s courage in keeping your light alive, in refusing to let the world’s misunderstanding extinguish the fire within you. You may feel unseen, but the truth is, your uniqueness, your complexity, is what makes you extraordinary. Somewhere, someone will value that. And until then, you can value that.
Sometimes, the journey through being misunderstood leads to a deeper understanding of yourself. It teaches you to embrace who you are, even if the world isn’t ready to. It invites you to find peace in your own company, to nurture the parts of yourself that feel lonely and unacknowledged. And, in time, you may discover that the right connections—the ones that see you, hear you, and know you—come when you least expect them.
So, hold on. Keep your essence alive. Refuse to become a shadow, even if that means standing alone for a while. Your true self deserves to be celebrated, and though the wait may feel long, the beauty of being fully known is worth every moment.
Your people—the ones who truly understand your soul—are out there, and when they find you, the terrible loneliness will start to fade. You’ll realize that your essence was never meant to be hidden. It was always meant to shine.
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We don’t need a friendship group for this, but she wants me to share this with you:
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