Golda and Moshe Issue a Household Situation Report

Dear Reader,

Moshe here, reporting live from our 3rd floor apartment in Haifa. Last time I issued a briefing, the household was in the throes of war. The situation remains unstable.

However, a new situation that requires immediate attention has emerged. The humans call it “Science Baby.” Strange movements are reported around the apartment and new supplies have arrived in unidentified boxes. My Situational Report follows.

SCIENCE BABY

SITUATIONAL REPORT (SITREP)

Reporting Officer: Moshe, Brigadier Fluff, Corgi Civil Defense Command, Haifa Sector

Date: 12 March 2026

Operational Status: Ongoing domestic developments

1. Key Developments

1.1. Belly Expansion Event

Over the past few months, the primary human experienced significant abdominal growth.

She now frequently loses her balance, which seems like a design flaw in human stability. Reporting Officer (RO) Moshe and primary human still snuggle on the couch while she naps but unusual movement inside the belly structure has been detected. Primary human makes jokes about something called “Alien.”

Senior Household Advisor (SHA) Golda has established a perimeter around the primary human and conducts surveillance from her bed across the room. SHA Golda has reached no official conclusions but facial expressions and occasional huffs convey concern.

1.2. Arrival of Wheeled Transportation Equipment

A large gray wheeled object, designated STROLLER, has appeared in the apartment. It does not dispense treats and takes up significant floor space that previously fell under RO Moshe’s jurisdiction.

RO Moshe has circled it multiple times, conducting a thorough investigation.

Current assessment: Suspicious but not immediately hostile. RO Moshe briefly believed it might be his dedicated personal transport device, but the humans denied any knowledge of such a plan. SHA Golda examined it once, determined it beneath her, and returned to bed.

1.3. Tiny Sock Proliferation

Laundry operations have increased. Tiny clothing items have appeared on the drying rack.

RO Moshe’s favorite item to remove from the hamper is the sock. Perfectly scented and excellent for running victory laps through the apartment. However, RO Moshe has discovered what can only be assumed as socks belonging to SCIENCE BABY.

They are extremely tiny and smell aggressively clean.

Unlike the primary human’s socks, they are not fun to throw around and seem like a likely choking hazard. A formal complaint has been filed with the Commanding Officer. It has not been acknowledged.

1.4. Amended Security Protocols

RO Moshe has assumed responsibility for BELLY SECURITY during outdoor patrols.

All unknown men are treated as suspicious until proven otherwise. The change in policy is communicated through non-negotiable, decisive barking and excellent tactical judgment.

SHA Golda has approved this assignment as it keeps RO Moshe out of her way. SHA Golda has informed RO Moshe that “he is a mere 20 lbs and 10 inches tall.” Her official recommendation is “calm down.”

2. Senior Advisor Statement (Golda)

SHA Golda has issued the following report:

“In my five years, I have seen many things come and go in this household. I have crossed an ocean, lived through multiple wars, a missile strike, and something called ‘ulpan.’ I will reserve judgment on SCIENCE BABY until further evidence is available.”

3. Forward Outlook

SCIENCE BABY arrival expected in weeks. Anticipated operational changes include:

• Change in human activity

• New household sounds

• Possible treat redistribution

RO Moshe expects to assume primary supervisory duties. SHA Golda has deferred enlistment until further intelligence is available.

—END OF REPORT—

Hi y’all, Hether here.

In just a few weeks, my husband and I are expecting the newest member of our family, who we’ve lovingly (and somewhat sarcastically) called Science Baby throughout this whole adventure. After years of hoping and waiting, it’s a little surreal that this tiny person is almost here. I can’t wait to see how the dogs react to their new roommate. I’ll report back once Science Baby officially arrives, but my prediction is that Moshe will attempt to supervise at all times while Golda will attempt to conceal her interest and look annoyed, while simultaneously insisting that she nap under the bassinet.