I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d ever make it here. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with stand up comedy and performing. But at the end of the day, I do love it and I love connecting with an audience. There’s nothing like getting a big laugh in recognition and floating off stage after. It’s a high like no other.
But being a woman (and a brown queer one at that!) in stand up is a strange experience. The entertainment industry is a daunting place that will crush your dreams faster than that strange male influencer Clavicular putting on his make up.
But first, if you’re in New York I’m doing a free show at Lincoln Center Wednesday July 15th and counting that as my official 10 Year Anniversary Show!!! Come out and hang :)
Do you find what you’re saying funny? That’s the most important thing!!! If you don’t then something is seriously wrong dude!!!!!
It’s magical how the personal is both political and universal. How the most personal joke will hit the hardest for people in the room. That’s magic! You can’t force that. For me, jokes come like downloads from the sky. I can’t control when or how they come. I just try to gently capture them in my palms when I get the chance. I’ll write down an idea in my notes app or I’ll try out a silly bit with my friends. And if I get a laugh from them or myself, I know there’s magic here to share.
At this point, I’m a decade in and I still have a day job. Maybe I could’ve hustled differently or harder or capitalized on TikTok at an earlier time I could’ve somehow made more money doing comedy. But to be honest, that simply hasn’t been my path.
I still think I’m a respectable funny comedian (whether you agree or not!) and I enjoy this, even though I’ve threatened to quit so many times (lol). I am no longer searching for validation from the entertainment industry. I know better. For more on that, check out my zine “Dat’s Capital: a Tale of Dreams Dashed.”
I guess the whole thing is humanity learned to joke to laugh through the pain. Laughter is the best medicine, they say! I’m not saying trauma is a good thing. But damn it really creates a lot of potential for jokes.
In my comedy career, I’ve found a way to make stand up jokes out of the following:
Break up/concussion era
Getting fired from an anti-capitalist play after asking why it was non-union
Feeling like I didn’t belong growing up
Understanding my identity as a Pakistani-American person
Not feeling that good about myself (s/o to my joke where I compare my self esteem to Gary Johnson running for president in 2016, one of my first killer bits IMO!!!)
+ more stuff prolly
You can take it slow!!! No one ever said that to me!!! I just decided it myself!!!
When I was starting out hitting open mics and such, it was full of old mostly white guys who’s entire vibe was like, “You have to get up on stage every single night if you want to be good at this.” And to a certain extent that is true. I do believe you only get better at stand up by being on stage. You can practice in your living room, but nothing feels like the true experience of stage performance. And you learn so much from every show!
However, I think this advice is bullshit. I wrote/improvised a weird lil song about this called “Eating Ass at the Open Mic” in 2019 which you can find here.
The truth is, before the pandemic I hustled so hard I hustled my way straight into a rock bottom depression. If comedy is more important than your relationships, eating healthy, having time to experience sunshine, etc. then you are doing it wrong. This was ultimately also the lesson of my Saturn Returns.
I don’t think we should let capitalist hustle culture dictate how we approach our art. I want to be great, but I don’t want to be dead tired all the time and lonely without real friends. I’d rather be really good and have a thriving personal life.
In my opinion, that’s more important than chasing career success to make your mom proud. My mom doesn’t like that I do comedy and I’ve had to accept that lol. I wrote this into my solo show I did in 2024 if you want to check that out, secret lil link here.
I also talk about this lesson in my Subway Take: “Capitalism Colonized Chill Mode.”
And one of the most human emotions there are, according to my therapist! Feeling envious of peers that get industry recognition first will drive you crazy. It has driven me crazy. I talk about this in my first zine, “Is Making Art Under Capitalism Futile?” In that zine I conclude that we have to focus on the art over the industry recognition. It’s a journey every day.
Rizz is a state of mind. You can’t tell me otherwise! A lot of people that have hung out with me within the last five-ish years of my life think I’m super confident and have even labeled me as having Big Dick Energy. Tbh, I was an anxious insecure child for so long!!! And to get here, I faked it til it felt more natural – and somehow in the process I actually became more confident in myself!!!!!
This is less of a tip and more of an anxious person insider view…. Just something to consider….
The butterflies never really go away. Even if the crowd is like 1-5 people, being perceived is nervewracking in my humble opinion. If I bomb in that room will that stranger always think of me as a shitty comedian and feel sad for me that I’ve pursued this life path? I know I shouldn’t care what that stranger thinks, but it’s easier said than done!!! And the fact is I have anxiety and I get nervous before I go on stage.
Ok but the lesson is to go on stage anyways! Do it nervous! Try out your weird lil bit! Once you get a laugh, even if it’s tiny and even if it’s from one person, everything feels better and I enjoy being on stage again. The point is to connect and when it connects it feels so gooood.
If you love comedy or you’re thinking about trying comedy, follow your heart!!! Go in with open eyes. It has challenged my ego so much that I’ve had to joke about quitting every year just to survive the humiliation.
But also comedy has been amazing in so many ways and I gotta give some love to that abundance. I’ve met so many funny, creative, cool, incredible people through the comedy scene and comedy adjacent folks. I’ve traveled to cool places because of comedy! Like when I went to Cuba with a media delegation or did a stand up tour with Man Repeller (before they shut down!) Just like life, comedy is a crazy ride. And you gotta be crazy to do it.
Getting a laugh on stage from an audience that gets me? I’m forever chasing that high some way or another.
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