Hello and welcome back to the alphabet series. This week is a short one, it was inspired by a client who asked me: “how do I motivate the people in the room who don’t want to be there?”
You may know the saying: “If you want something done, ask a busy person.”
Well friend, I used to be that person. Someone who could be relied on to always get things done, motivate my team, the whole shebang. I wore the badge of responsibility for getting things done with pride.
Many of you know how that story ended: A burnout.
Burnout is a brutal teacher, and in this case I believe it really taught me something that helped me become a better facilitator:
Our energy can’t compensate for the energy of others.
I’m not saying that I’m now reckless and irresponsible, I’m saying that I realised I was taking on responsibility for things that ultimately papered over cracks in the system.
When I burned out and couldn’t hold things together any more, the cracks ripped apart… I’d been masking a system that wasn’t functioning by over-functioning myself and that ultimately had helped no-one.
Facilitators can also easily paper over cracks.
If we herd the group to an outcome at all costs, we can lose sight of a bigger prize - helping the group grasp something about their dynamic that will serve them in the long run.
One phrase has helped me immensely to calibrate my over-functioning:
I can’t want this more than you.
Sometimes I remind clients of this out loud. Sometimes I just say it to myself to keep myself honest.
We can’t want the outcomes more than the people who are in the room. Those people are accountable for them and have to deliver them.
If we absorb that responsibility, we paper over cracks in the system and make the system as a whole more fragile.
If the motivation is unequally distributed in the room, with some people very motivated and others dragging their heels, that gives you data.
Typically, I will run discovery interviews or at least a survey with all participants before a session to try and catch as many of these in advance, but if some slip through the net, these are also useful on the day.
Here are three things I probe for:
Purpose - is it clear to the people why we are here? and crucially, do they agree with the purpose? If they don’t agree with the purpose, there is no clever tactic which will ultimately motivate them… so clarify purpose first always. If they agree with the purpose, maybe they don’t agree with something else, such as the techniques we are using to get there. The distinction matters.
Role and ownership clarity - do they know how they can contribute to this discussion and why they are in the room? Nothing is more demotivating than being in a meeting you don’t know how to contribute to or why you are there.
Psychological safety - is there anything that is holding them back from contributing?
If energy drops, I check:
Am I about to compensate… or clarify?
Compensating makes me a temporary hero, at the cost of the resilience of the system.
Clarifying makes the system stronger.
P.S. I’m opening two private coaching spots starting in March.
This is for leaders actively preparing for a high-stakes session. Note: I only work with people who have a real event on the horizon, because that’s where the focus and growth happen.
You’ll get:
Access to my facilitation discovery and project management templates
Theory top-up via bite-sized micro-trainings (15 minutes max)
Mobile support via voice note & text
Me as your co-designer and sparring partner to craft the strongest possible session
If that sounds like you, let’s schedule a 20-minute call to see if it’s the right fit.
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