Enemy Lesbian Nuns Quit Convent And Marry Each Other
Best headline of the week. Two former nuns met in a Brazilian convent in 2019, initially couldn’t stand each other, left for their mental health in 2020, lived together out of financial necessity, and then one night in 2023 watched a rom-com about enemies falling in love and one of them had a realization. The movie did what God could not. Enemies to Lovers trope forever.
Australian Town Crier Sets The World Record For Loudest Person. He’s as loud as a jet engine taking off. Can you imagine working next to him?
Speaking of annoying co-workers: Detective accused of pointing gun at officer for microwaving fish in the office. Finally, someone willing to enforce the laws that actually matter.
A Giraffe Named Gracie Is On The Loose In Texas She is roughly the height of a tree and no one can find her.
Ohio Journalist Who Goes By “Rooster” Arrested Because He Texted Shrek Genitals To State Senator. But how did he have pictures of Shrek’s genitals?
Newly Discovered Green Spider Has Smiley Face On Its Back Nature embracing the Y2K trend. She’s basically a tiny Lisa Frank backpack with venom.
Pigeons Can Spot Cancer as well as Human Experts I once met a woman whose life was saved because her Doberman kept nudging and scratching at one spot in her chest so she went to check it out and it was breast cancer. The dog caught it early before it metastasized.
Woman Who Rescued Injured Crow Keeps Getting Thank You Gifts From Other Birds The crows have better manners than most people.
Australian Rich Kingpin Caught Smuggling 100,000 Illegal Insects In Record Bug Bust Kingpin is doing a lot of work in this sentence,
Accused Scammer Gets Bag Of Chocolate Coins Instead Of 700k Of Gold I love when scammers get scammed.
Air Canada Pilot Flew 17 Years With A Fake License A real commitment to the bit.
Pink Planet Has Salt Clouds Validating a 15-year-old theory. We’ve been right about it this whole time. She’s pink, perfect, and salty.
Mysterious Amazonian ‘Ghost Dog’ Caught On Camera A real animal that looks like a dog, moves like a ghost, lives in the Amazon, and is the first dog I don’t want to pet.
European Hair Salons Are Dumping Their Clippings Into Forests. The Trees Like It. The Deer Don’t. Doesn’t this just sound European?
Cadaver fat company accused of smuggling dead people fat into New York for lunchtime boob jobs Do you think the people that get the fat take on the characteristics of the donor the way they say you do with organs?
Summer is the perfect time to catch up on all the shows that aired week-to-week over the spring and fall. For instance, Gen Z loves The Rookie. Curious what else America watched this spring and fall?
Stranger Things (Netflix) 22.38 million viewers*
Marshals (CBS) 15.1 million
Tracker (CBS) 13.84 million
Landman (Paramount+) 13.15 million
High Potential (ABC) 12.6 million
Bridgerton (Netflix) 11.74 million
His & Hers (Netflix) 9.56 million
The Pitt (HBO Max) 9.16 million
Dancing With the Stars (ABC) 9.11 million
Matlock (CBS) 9.1 million
Will Trent (ABC) 8.82 million
Sheriff Country (CBS) 8.77 million
NCIS (CBS) 8.62 million
The Rookie (ABC) 8.60 million
Chicago Fire (NBC) 8.56 million
George & Mandy’s First Marriage (CBS) 8.43 million
Saturday Night Live (NBC) 8.37 million
Ghosts (CBS) 8.37 million
Chicago Med (NBC) 8.28 million
Survivor (CBS) 7.92 million
9-1-1 (ABC) 7.82 million
Chicago PD (NBC) 7.80 million
FBI (CBS) 7.78 million
Fallout (Amazon) 7.65 million
Elsbeth (CBS) 7.59 million
*viewers is different from view count
Surprised? Remember when we talked about how your feed is fake and most of it is now paid clips and edits manufacturing the feeling that something is popular when it really isn’t that big?
Now, onto some new things for you to watch. Each of which I have personally watched and recommend (for different reasons) but stand by nonetheless because this feed is 100% real.
The Bear
During their final service the staff of The Bear finally commit: to change, to the work, to each other. This show stresses me out more than most horror movies.
Next Gen NYC
Our young influencers enter Season 2 after being involved in a crypto kidnapping scandal, returning from inpatient eating-disorder treatment, breaking up with billionaire boyfriends, and watching their famous parents declare bankruptcy. The first episode has a Serving C*ntry theme.
Star City (Apple)
A movie I think about a fair amount is The Lives of Others, the 2006 movie about a member of the Stasi spying on a couple in East Berlin. This show reminds me of that movie even though it’s a spin off of For All Mankind, an alternate history of the space race told from the POV of the Soviet Union. You don’t need to have watched one second of that show though. You just need to like tension, secrecy, and a faded Soviet color palette.
The American Experiment (PBS)
In case you don’t know what to get America for her 250th birthday, Tom Hanks has made a documentary about the founding of the country with historians and politicians and Vice Presidents and all sorts of different voices. It’s perfect if you want the condensed version of Ken Burns’ The American Revolution on PBS. The finale is basically the non-musical version of the Alexander Hamilton story. You forget how poetic historians can be: “History is interred in the shallowest of graves.” Gorgeous.
Life, Larry, and the Pursuit of Unhappiness (HBOMax)
The Obamas took a different approach to America’s 250th birthday. They inserted Larry David into crucial moments in American history. It’s somehow comforting to know that Larry David would have found the Founding Fathers extremely annoying.
The Season (Hulu)
It’s White Lotus meets Crazy Rich Asians meets Below Deck. A young woman arrives in Hong Kong to work for a mega-rich family and enters a yacht-based ecosystem of affairs, broken hearts, deceit, and people who own boats too large to have morals. Anchors aweigh!
Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 (Netflix)
Obviously if you liked the animated show you’ve seen this already, along with 21 million other people already. For the uninitiated: the Last Airbender and his friends from the Water Tribe head into the Earth Kingdom to stop the Fire Nation. It’s geopolitics for elements with good action.
Wild Cherry (Paramount+)
Posh British mothers go on the attack after a teenage girl disappears, a streamer moves into the neighborhood, and they discover what their entrepreneurial daughters have been posting online
STILL WATCHING
Cape Fear Our villain teen is playing all the DeNiro Cape Fear greatest hits from finger in mouth to laughing in the movies. I hope we get to see her hanging under a car.
RHORI Reunion Part 1 was explosive, hall of fame worthy. This is what a reunion should be. Even Dave Portnoy is talking about how great this show is (compared to the Summer House reunion) and I salute him for making enough content for “Tea by the Sea” to make his ocean front beach house a business expense.
Love Island People are complaining there’s too much kissing this season.
Love Island UK Messy and fun with less mouth noises than US.
Below Deck What would your preference sheet say? Here’s what I currently have in my notes app under “Ideas for Below Deck Dinner Themes Even Though I Don’t Work There and Will Never Go On”
Love Island Villa Breakfast: Everyone eats avocado toast, eggs, pancakes, fruit platters and iced coffee
Girl Dinner, But Make It a Superyacht: Caviar, fries, olives, martinis, cheese, tiny pickles, sourdough, prosciutto, M&Ms and one perfect Diet Coke in a wine glass.
Oscar Loser Dinner: Everyone dresses like they were nominated and lost graciously. “It Was an Honor Just to Be Nominated.”
Erewhon Apocalypse: A dinner made entirely of things that sound healthy and cost too much: sea moss, adaptogens, protein, chlorophyll, blue spirulina, collagen, and $27 smoothies
Children’s Menu for Adults: Chicken tenders, mac and cheese, grilled cheese, fries, ranch, dirty chocolate milk
The Billionaire Divorce Buffet: Lobster, caviar, Wagyu, champagne
Hot Girl Medieval Times:Roast chicken, potatoes, goblets of wine, dramatic lighting, no utensils
Divorced Dad Steakhouse Night: Caesar salad, shrimp cocktail, martinis, creamed spinach, baked potatoes and steaks
A Night at the Mall in 2002: CPK bangers, Pretzels, Panda Express, Sbarros style pizza slices, cinnabons
Real Housewives Reunion Dinner: Everyone dresses as a housewife and each course is named after a moment. The appetizer is “Receipts, Proof, Timeline, Screenshots.” The main course is “I Never Said That.” Dessert is “Roll the Footage.”
The Traitors Banquet: A candlelit castle style dinner where every course is served under a silver cloche and everyone wears cloaks
Ozempic Tapas:Teeny Tiny Tapas
Around the World in 80 Plates: 8 courses, 10 people, food from around the world
Instagram Saved Folder Dinner: Every dish is something you saved and never made
What would you ask on your preference sheets?
FINALES
Dutton Ranch (Paramount+)
Taylor Sheridan was on Joe Rogan and said his bloodline of horses can see ghosts, I am praying that’s the next Sheridan show: Horse Ghost Whisperer? Horse Medium? Say hay from beyond the grave?
IF YOU CAN ONLY WATCH ONE
The Bear (FX/Hulu)
This show feels like a subtweet to anyone who’s ever worked somewhere that felt almost magical and then had the realization that nothing gold can stay.
Streaming
Sheep Detectives (Amazon)
Hugh Jackman plays a shepherd who reads murder mysteries to his flock every night. When he’s found dead, the sheep decide to solve the case themselves. I loved it.
Song Sung Blue (Netflix)
The movie that earned Kate Hudson an Oscar nomination is now streaming. She and Hugh Jackman play a married Neil Diamond tribute act called Lightning and Thunder and that’s the last thing I’m going to tell you about this movie about resilience, working class dreams, the power of music, and unconditional love.
Chris and Martina: The Final Set (Netflix)
Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova look back on 50 years of rivalry, friendship, estrangement, reconciliation, and helping each other through cancer. It’s a sports documentary, a friendship documentary, and proof that your greatest rival may also be the only person who fully understands what your life cost you. Between this and the nun story above, it’s a big week for women who love/hate each other.
Little Brother (Netflix)
John Cena is a tightly wound real-estate magnate whose carefully constructed life is detonated when his chaotic former Little Brother mentee, played by Eric André, suddenly reappears. Dumb in a good way.
The Welcome Table (Netflix)
Since half the world is currently sitting beneath a heat dome, perhaps spend some time with the people for whom climate change is already the plot, not the forecast. This documentary tells the incredibly sad stories of people around the world whose homes, communities, and lives have been devastated by fires, floods, hurricanes, and rising temperatures. A sobering statistic: 1 out of every 3 people on the planet will lose their homes due to climate change
In Theaters
Jackass: Best and Last
Twenty-five years of friendship, concussions, and men discovering new ways to injure their genitals, assembled into one final goodbye. It is somehow disgusting and moving, which is also the entire Jackass legacy. I saw this this morning as the last thing I needed to do before writing this and I’m still thinking about these guys, the physical and other costs of being them, and how they were essentially the first star creators. Before youtube even existed they were making home movies and their “following” of skaters were sharing the videos on VHS via mail. VHS! MAIL! I guess it’s no surprise that one of the stunts in this movie is themed to a colonoscopy. Time comes for us all, even if you’re strapped to a big red rocket.
The Invite
Olivia Wilde and Seth Rogen play a married couple who invite their sexually adventurous neighbors, Penélope Cruz and Edward Norton, over for dinner. It begins with wine and ends with everyone saying the types of things a couples therapist would specifically instruct you to save for the session.
Foundling
In 1987, a newborn baby was discovered beside a remote country road in England. She was adopted, her biological mother was never found, and a girl who lived nearby never forgot the story. Almost 40 years later, that girl is now a journalist and goes looking for the baby, Jess, to help her uncover what really happened.
It begins as a genealogy mystery and develops into the kind of story where you will say, “No. Absolutely not,” aloud while driving.
The Bewitching by Silvia Moreno-Garcia
A reader recommended this and they were right. The story moves across three timelines: 1998, where Minerva is a graduate student in New England researching an obscure female horror writer from the 1930s; 1908, following Minerva’s grandmother Alba in rural Mexico; and 1934, from the perspective of that horror writer, Beatrice, who witnessed a mysterious disappearance at a women’s university. The witchcraft draws on Mexican folklore rather than the usual New England witch mythology, which makes it something different. It’s a national bestseller and a Bram Stoker Award finalist.
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Netflix announced a seven-episode limited series written by Zoe Kazan, with Florence Pugh playing the antihero Cathy Ames. The book is close to 700 pages, which means now is exactly the right time to start.
It’s a retelling of Cain and Abel set across two California families in the Salinas Valley, from the Civil War to World War I, with twin brothers Cal and Aron mirroring that biblical rivalry: one complex and rebellious, one idealistic and pure. At the center of all of it is Cathy Ames, one of the great villains in American literature. She shoots her husband and abandons both sons before they’re old enough to know her, and returns to running a brothel. This adaptation centers the story on Cathy in a way the original film didn’t.
The Zoe Kazan connection is worth knowing: her grandfather Elia Kazan directed the 1955 film adaptation, which was the movie that made James Dean a star. The actress who played Cathy in that version won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for it.
It will make you think about loyalty, evil, family, and the inheritance of damage in ways you will not expect. Steinbeck considered it his most ambitious work. He was right.
TIK TALK
Most of the trends this week are about the heat wave like I’m Melting. If not the heat, people are transcending the game or just slaying.
ARTICLES
A bunch of good things to read if your brain needs somewhere strange to go.
Did a Cult Land Me in a Psychiatric Ward? You know I love a cult story, and this one is about Hannah Murray, the actress who played Cassie on Skins and Gilly on Game of Thrones, trying to understand how she ended up in a psychiatric ward after getting involved with a self-help group.
In this weeks edition of everything is fake, a new beat WSJ is going hard on:
They Looked Like They Were Getting Rich On Polymarket But None Of It Was Real. Polymarket paid teenagers to go on a fake website and gamble and pretend to win money.
and
Scammers Are Using Ai To Create Fake Websites That Look Just Like The Real Thing. Scammers are cloning real websites so they look identical, with the same layout, branding and product photos. You place an order, your money disappears, and nothing arrives except the lesson.
This has gotten sophisticated enough that it’s worth pausing before you buy from any site you’ve never ordered from before. Reverse image search the product photos. Check the domain page. If the deal seems too good, it is.
Details Of The Invite List To Peter Thiel’s Secret Society A Swiss researcher leaked the member registry and retreat agenda for Dialog, a secretive invite-only society that Peter Thiel has been running for twenty years, after the information was accidentally left exposed in the code of the group’s website. The retreat this August near Dublin includes sessions titled “Bring Back Nuclear,” “How’s Your Sex Life,” and “Build-a-Cult.” How fun!
What if it all came out? What if your entire digital history was exposed? Just assume you will be hacked and watch out for those party invites!-Do not respond!! They will steal everything on your compete and blackmail you with anything you’ve ever texted/looked at/emailed/slacked/etc
Meet the Wacky Pigeon Girls A TikTok phenomenon and an actual thing happening in cities. Women feeding and befriending urban pigeons. The internet has decided this is the new cat lady because pigeons are loyal, remember faces, and have been delivering messages since World War I.
Confessions of a Recovering Baby Woman Baby Woman” is a cultural personality type, not an age. The specific flavor of helplessness that some women perform, and some women actually feel, and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference even from the inside. This essay is about recovering from it. It is funny and uncomfortable.
Millennials and Gen Z Made Astrology a Billion Dollar Business Spending on astrology-related products is projected to grow to $22.8 billion by 2031, up from $12.8 billion in 2021.
The Glitchy, Gloppy Look of Now The Gen Z Look
Midjourney Is Opening Wellness Spas With Full Body Ai Scanners
THINGS TO DO
Watch the Katmai National Park Bear Cam
If you need a healthier screen addiction, may I suggest watching bears stand in a river and eat salmon.
Take China’s notoriously difficult college entrance exam
The Wall Street Journal has a quiz to see if you can pass the gaokao, China’s brutal college entrance exam.
Scottish World Cup Fans Reportedly Drank So Much Sam Adams Boston Lager That Local Bars Had To Restock. This is exactly what international sport is supposed to do: bring nations together through song, friendship and one city’s emergency lager supply chain.
Some Of The Beloved World Cup Tourist Content Is Fake. People are pretending to be foreign visitors discovering America just to make viral videos. I am heartbroken.
I still choose to believe in the Scottish fans. No influencer would commit that hard to beer.
Olivia Rodrigo is doing her own Lilith Fair.Her new festival, Daisy Chain Fields, features an all-female and female-fronted lineup with Chappell Roan, Bikini Kill, Doechii, Mitski, The Breeders, Garbage, Santigold, Stevie Nicks, Karen O and Sarah McLachlan.
It sold out in half an hour and all proceeds go to organizations supporting women and girls, which is nice because most festivals only support the $24 bottle of water economy.
Sothebys Is Auctioning Off 1000 Karl Lagerfeld Sketches which means you can buy a sketch of some of the most iconic designs in history for way less than the actual item.
Vintage Banana Republic Pieces from the 70’s and 80s
Déhanche, which have the best belts, launched a men’s line
The Umbro x Reformation World Cup Collab Is So Cute
Gustaf Westman Has A Puffy Stadium Shaped Snack Bowl And I Kind Of Want It For The World Cup
I Proteinmaxxed Too Hard. Here’s What Happened to My Body
The logical endpoint of a trend that was always going to produce this headline. Someone did it so you don’t have to. Read this before your next Costco trip for a 72-pack of chicken breasts.
McDonald’s fried apple pie is back
The legendary fried apple pie is back at McDonald’s for the first time since 1992. Meghan Markle has talked about treating herself to a drive-through apple pie after auditions, which means this dessert has now been endorsed by nostalgia, fast food people, and the (former) Duchess of Sussex. That is coalition-building.
Crispy Pasta Salad
A tik tok viral recipe that air fries pasta so it’s crunchy.
Bowen Yang’s Mom’s Mapo Tofu
Bowen Yang shared his Mom’s mapo tofu recipe. I love when a celebrity recipe feels like a real thing a person actually cooks, not a brand partnership with “my favorite weeknight grain bowl.”
Korean BBQ meatballs
These Korean BBQ meatballs are super easy and very tasty. Make the glaze and dipping sauce from the comments.
How To Cut Watermelon So It Fits In Your Storage Containers
This is the kind of internet tip that sounds stupid until you realize it may improve your life by 4 percent all summer.
This Summer, We’re Drinking Vodka Crans
The vodka cranberry is back, which makes sense. It is cold and easy.
For summer travel, here are some iPhone hacks I use constantly.
ADD THE BUILT-IN WORLD CLOCK WIDGET so you can instantly see what time it is at home and where you are
Unlock your iPhone and go to the specific Home Screen page where you want to place the clocks.
Tap and hold a blank space on the screen until your apps start jiggling (edit mode).
Tap the + (plus) button in the top-left or top-right corner of the screen.
Scroll down and select Clock from the list of widgets.
Swipe left or right to choose the layout you prefer (the World Clock widget displays up to four cities at once).
Tap Add Widget, and then tap Done at the top right.
To change the cities, tap and hold the widget, select Edit Widget, and choose the exact cities or time zones you want to track.
NOW, ADD A TIME ZONE TO YOUR LOCK SCREEN
Swipe down from the top-left of your screen to view your Lock Screen.
Press and hold a blank area of the wallpaper until the Customize button appears at the bottom.
Tap Customize, then select Lock Screen.
Tap the Add Widgets rectangle located right below the main time display.
Scroll down through the apps list and tap Clock.
Swipe through the styles until you find City Digital, then tap it to add it to your screen.
Tap the newly added widget inside the preview area to open a search box and select your secondary city.
Tap the X to close the widget panel, and then tap Done in the top-right corner to save
USE THE CURRENCY CONVERTER BUILT INTO CALCULATOR: You do not need to download a random currency app that looks like it was designed to steal your data. Your iPhone already has one.
Open the Calculator app.
Tap the calculator icon in the top right corner.
Scroll down on Convert.
Choose Currency.
Select the currency you’re converting from.
Then select the currency you’re converting to.
This is especially helpful for countries where the math is just close enough to trick you into financial confidence. Open it once before you leave so the exchange rate can update, then use it while traveling, you don’t even need wifi, instead of standing in a store pretending you understand what 18,000 of something means.
Lion cub trying to roar like her dad
Can you do me a favor? If you liked this, will you hit the little heart at the bottom of the email?
It helps more than you’d think. It tells Substack, and me, that this is worth sending to more people. It also takes one second and requires no emotional vulnerability, which is my preferred kind of support.
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