<img class="img-sm" alt="A hand drawn, clip art-esque image of a horizontal magician's wand. You get the distinct impression of powerful magics. Dear person ...
I was close to ending this blog yesterday. I thought, "oh gee, I think I'm ready to go public with all my thoughts so I don't think I need this anymore." But I'm not. Some newer, yet unformed and tested thoughts feel too big still for my circle of friends and family. Any time I think something is definitive, there's a good chance I'll be proven wrong eventually. That is because things change. And…
I'm coming to realize something. The value of this blog was never really about sharing it with people, it was more about facing the feelings that come up in me when I consider sharing something vulnerable. Everything I experience in the world is nothing more than a complex series of neuronal connections. What I call my "self" is in reality a sophisticated model of the world that essentially runs…
Toward the end of 2021 I watched a documentary called The Work . I did so on what was essentially a dare from the author of The Intentional Father . He said something to the effect of "you need to put this book down and watch that movie." Normally I'd gloss over a statement like that, but for some odd reason I took it seriously. I put the book down, and resolved to actually watch the movie before…
Jesus is people. People are Jesus. Today. Like that person you had coffee with this week. Or the grocery clerk with the birth mark on her face. Or the homeless man who smells like piss and can't get his life together. They are Jesus in the flesh. Is it really so hard to believe? Well, yes. And, no. Jesus himself said we'd have a hard time recognizing him. He said we'd meet him one day and be like,…
Sometimes I just need to laugh and find little things that bring me joy. This one did it for me today. It's been a long time since I've genuinely laughed.
Remember that one time I said this? And the first place every serious "evil scientist" must start is within themselves. Yeah that was 2 days ago. It was my favorite line of the article but little did I know it was going to smack me in the face yesterday. I've been in various forms of talk therapy for about 9 years. I started with a Christian counselor. I've seen several other's since then. Some of…
If you read my last post: I survived! That's all I want to say for now. Back to your regularly scheduled programming… I recently watched the docuseries called Keep Sweet Pray and Obey . It chronicles the atrocities committed primarily by men in the FLDS (fundamentalist later day saints) movement. They were (still are, I think) a polygamist religion/cult that operated near the border of Utah and…
No drawing today. It's an unusual day. Have you ever have a day where you feel something big is about to happen? For me this is a rare ass feeling. Today is that day. Today is my day. I've waited a long fucking time for today. I feel myself on the edge of a threshold. Something I get to walk through for the possibility of new life. Today is my initiation. If you don't know what I'm talking about,…
Life is brutality. Life is beauty. You are utterly alone and abandoned. You are held by the ground beneath your feet, suspended in the air that sustains you. You are death. You are life. No one was there for you when you needed them most. God failed you. Scream. Shout. Rage. These are worthy fires to illuminate the suffocating dark. Settle for nothing less than the full truth, or die trying. Who…
Yesterday my son was in the bathroom and he said, "dad, why does with this light switch make popping sounds?" I came over to investigate. He had discovered that if he flipped the switch between "on" and "off" at just the right pace he'd hear a popping noise in the switch. He showed me his discovery. I could immediately smell some electrical burn in the switch. I had him stop and made sure the…