hi. welcome to my blog. i write about life and existence and what the world feels like to me. you can think of it as an online journal of sorts. fe...
Over my break, I went travelling—some of it as part of a group, and some of it solo. In China, I went with a few girls to make name beads. The beads were red and delicately engraved with gold characters, sorted in boxes by their first letter. The first bead that my eyes focused on was the one with the character of my name on it. I told one of the girls about it. It’s fate, she said. In Vietnam, I…
Happy New Year everyone. By the last quarter of 2025, I started privately referring to it as my ‘flop year’. It felt like I was failing in ways that weren’t even imaginable to me in past years. I struggled a lot with anxiety and panic attacks, which made things difficult. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep, other times I couldn’t focus. A family member passed away. I was forced to give up an academic…
1: My friend from the other side of the world comes to visit. I tell him I’ll go with him to the airport before his flight home. When I meet him in the morning it feels like we have so much to say and no time, so all the words left unsaid hang in the air while we talk about nothing. I didn’t sleep well last night, he says. Me neither, I say. There’s something quite intimate about two people…
more like lessons i am trying to learn. if you put in the work you don't have to think about miracles actually doing what you love is not always going to be easy avoiding conflict can actually problematise situations my belief in fate is a distraction. if i want something why should i not be able to work to get it? at the same time—fate should never be used as a justification for inaction and…
I went overseas to visit my extended family. I cried at the airport saying goodbye. I presented my tear-stained face at security while they searched my bag for a ‘spray’ that ended up just being my asthma inhaler. By the time I got to the gate, they were already making the final boarding call. On the flight back, I barely slept. When I did, it was for brief intervals and I did not register either…
Sometimes I am wrong and sometimes I am not a good person. You should never pass up the opportunity to cold email someone. I got a job by doing this. It doesn’t cost you anything to be nice. Some of my ambition comes from fear. If I say I’m going to do something I will do it. Some people will lie about you behind your back and spread rumours, which is why it is important to act consistently,…
i change my clothes every day. i’ve stopped hoarding. when i went back to my dorm i brought only a suitcase worth of clothes. i don’t miss my possessions, except for my small dangly diamond earrings and my lucky necklace, but that’s a given, right? i do my skincare, twice a day, on most days. i brush my teeth first thing when i wake up. i clean my room. it still gets messy, but its clean more…
[This post is for T I. I’m not sure if you’ll see this but I went back to look at this blog today after many months and saw that you’d posted in my guestbook. Thank you so much for your encouragement -- it has meant a lot to me. If you have a blog, I’d love to read it too.] ⋆⑅˚₊ I’m in my second year of my degree now. I got a part-time job at a sportswear store so that I can pay rent. I moved into…
There is a girl who I see in the kitchens of my college and she looks like the woman from American Gothic. I wrote my friend’s art essay for him, even though I haven't taken an art class since I was fourteen, and even then all I did was mix paint. He made me dinner in return, which everyone said was unfavourable because I could have cooked like three dinners in the time that it took me to write…
I got drunk too many times in a week. I wanted to believe that the imbalance, the perception that everything was slowing down, flowed in like a relief. But in reality I felt weird and sad and drinking was the one thing that seemed readily available, but even that didn’t make me feel much better. At midnight, my friends and I wandered around the city like it was ours. We swigged vodka from the…