Encouraging Perfect Propriety in an Imperfect World
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Etiquetteer has had a lot of experience with hotel breakfast buffets this summer, and there are a few things seasoned travelers ought to know to start the day on a note of Perfect Propriety: Do not appear in the breakfast room looking like you just rolled out of bed. Dress for the day, run a comb through your hair, and wash the sleep out of your eyes at least. Pajamas, even if you have not slept…
Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman . Dear Etiquetteer: I have followed you on social media for some time, and I’m messaging you now for some help. I consistently get bad reviews for my [small luxury] shop in the heart of [Insert Eastern City South of New England Here]. My current quandary in this large university “shot and a beer” town still is dress code. No shirt, no shoes, no service. So how do I…
“We tolerate about anything here. Prejudice, fanaticism, demagoguery, anything. That’s what the Senate’s for, to tolerate freedom.” — Walter Pidgeon as US Senate Majority Leader Bob Munson in Advise and Consent (1962), screenplay by Wendell Mayes “There’s a time and a place for everything.” — Dear Mother As for many holidays and theme parties, the Fourth of July always brings out a variety of…
What is a letter? Just before Emily Post became the grandmother of American etiquette*, a writer named Lillian Eichler published The Book of Etiquette in 1921, but without a byline. She has been unjustly overlooked ever since. And she answers this question by getting right to the point. “A letter, business or social, is simply talk upon paper.” Read that again. “Talk upon paper.” It’s that simple.…
Ballin, Gilda, and Johnny: George Macready, Rita Hayworth, and Glenn Ford in Gilda. Gilda: “Mrs. Ballin Mundson, Mr. Farrell. Is that all right?” Johnny: “Congratulations.” Ballin: “Oh, you don’t congratulate the bride, Johnny. You congratulate the husband.” Johnny: “Really! Well, what are you supposed to say to the bride?” Ballin: “You wish her good luck.” Johnny: “Good luck.” — from Gilda (1946)…
Dear Etiquetteer: I’m getting ready to fly again and found your blog about Airborne Perfect Propriety . However, that was from seven years ago, and you certainly have new followers since then who have not seen it. Maybe you could update it? My husband mentioned that he had seen a video on Facebook, of a rude-boy air passenger who bared his feet and fell asleep. A fellow passenger took the…
Anna Chancellor in Four Weddings and Funeral (1994). Something nuptial must be in the air, because not one but two readers just forwarded different articles about wedding etiquette . . . and Etiquetteer has views. “ When Wedding Guests Don’t Bring a Gift ” in the New York Times delves into the hurt feelings of Happy Couples who don’t receive a gift from every guest at the wedding. First off, gifts…
Karen Morley is faced with her husband’s mistress, Jean Harlow, at a formal dinner in Dinner at Eight. Dear Etiquetteer: I witnessed an individual announce to an event director, a promoter for one of the bar groups in town, that he cannot attend an event because of the price point. For context, these two people didn’t know each other already, and the event director was volunteering his time as a…
Last week a Great Lady (who shall remain nameless — no, don’t ask, and no, not Lady Pamela Hicks , though she was an Undeniably Great Lady) left this world, and left it a better place. Her departure led Etiquetteer to reflect on some of the material that makes a Great Lady, which too often we don’t appreciate: • A Great Lady knows the time and place for everything. She knows when to wear white…
Cast thy bread upon the waters; for thou shalt find it after many days. — Ecclesiastes 11:1 Dear Etiquetteer: Will you please address the proper way to share birth announcements? Apparently I am the “great aunt” of a number of children that I do not know the names or ages of, according to family photos appearing recently online. Without captions explaining who is who, I can sort of figure out…
