Around the World With Etgar: Northern Exposure

I’ve always had a problem with world conquerors of all shapes and sizes. Whether it’s Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan or Hitler, it doesn’t matter how non-judgmental I try to be, I always end up feeling just a tad disgruntled. My negativity doesn’t only come from a controversial standpoint – that you shouldn’t go around invading other people’s lands – but also from my astonishment at the very fact that someone would want to conquer a world. As my first roommate told me when I suggested we move into a bigger apartment: “More space—more floors to mop.” And if you think it’s a nightmare to clean the floors in a one-bedroom apartment, try picturing yourself mopping up an entire planet. You could get a cramp in your leg just thinking about it.

I’m fully aware that not everyone who wants to conquer the world considers themself responsible for keeping it spick and span. Still, they can’t avoid some sense of accountability, and every time a continent sinks or a forest burns down, surely they feel a little twinge in their heart. After all, that’s a piece of their real estate empire that just vanished.