Why Not?

When I was a teenager, I planned on becoming a professional trumpet player. I was the best player in my town of 300,000 and arguably in the state. I loved playing; I even loved practicing. Playing the trumpet touched some part of me that nothing else did. I majored in trumpet in college, and studied with great teachers….

…and then my life went in a different direction.

Fast forward to today, when I’m semi-retired from the consulting and training company I founded thirty-six years ago, now being managed wonderfully by my younger partners.

My husband and I are living in the north of Spain, and I’m having a wonderful time exploring and getting integrated into the language, the culture and the life of the city here in Oviedo.

We’re in the process of cleaning out our apartment near New York. Having sold our house in the US a few years ago, now we’re down to the “keep it now or let go of it forever” decisions with our last US possessions.

When I found my trumpet sitting on a high shelf, not having played it seriously for almost fifty years, and not having touched it for thirty, I suddenly thought, I could start messing around with it again. A flurry of negative thoughts (that’s dumb, why would you want to do that, it would take too much time, you have other things to do, maybe you’re too old) buzzed around my head like irritating insects. I swept them away with one simple thought: “Why not?”

Me at 16 and me at 74 - trumpetizing.

‘Why not’ is a wonderfully useful phrase - especially for those of us in our third act. Most of us have a more open schedule in our 70s, 80s, and 90s than in any previous era of our lives, and can make many more choices about how to spend that unscheduled time. Our children, if we have them, are likely grown. We’re much less likely to be spending 40 or more hours a week at work. Sadly, our parents have probably passed away.

So here we are with all this free time.

Unfortunately, we can tend to talk to ourselves about how we might use that time in unhelpful ways, to wit:

• I’ll look stupid

• People my age don’t….

• What’s the point?

• I probably can’t…

And most chilling of all:

• It’s uncomfortable - it’s just not “me.”

Because, sadly, research shows that people find change difficult - and that older people find it even more difficult. And doing something new is a change. In other words, folk wisdom is correct in this instance: we do tend to get set in our ways as we get older.

And asking “Why not?” when you’re telling yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t do something new - or, in my case, return to something very old - can serve as a gentle wake-up call; nudge you out of your habit trail.

Here’s how it worked with my trumpet. I saw it sitting up there, and thought “I could take it back to Spain, clean it up, and start playing again.”

Not surprisingly, the voice in my head immediately responded - Oh come on, that’s dumb, you haven’t played in decades. Why would you even do that?

So I responded (also inside my head), Why would I not?

And interestingly, that released a flood of more supportive thoughts: Yeah, really - why would I not? It will be easy to take home on the plane. Our apartment is pretty soundproof, and I probably won’t play much, so I won’t bother anyone. It will be fun. I wonder if I can actually get good again? I used to love it so much!

So here I am, playing a little bit every day. I sound pretty bad - it’s amazing how much muscle tone you lose in your embouchure over a matter of decades - but a bit better each time. I might go out and find some sheet music next week. I’m really enjoying it.

It’s reminding me that one of the coolest things about being old is that you have the time, and perhaps more patience and wisdom, to explore new things, or revisit old ones; to expand your life in ways you want to and decide are interesting to you. No other motivation needed.

And if anyone should ask me why on earth I’ve started playing the trumpet again after so many years, I can just say - why not?