Achieving Things While Old

One of the great things about being old is that there are, generally speaking, many fewer externally-imposed metrics. In our 70s, 80s and 90s, most of us no longer have to worry about snagging a promotion at work, making sure our kid gets into a good college, buying a bigger house or a better car.

It’s a relief, for the most part.

However, I’ve noticed that a lot of people seem to think that no longer having these kinds of big mid-life goals means that we, as older people, don’t or can’t or (worst of all) shouldn’t have big, interesting, important things we’re trying to do.

But I beg to differ. When you’re old, having BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals, for those of you who haven’t read Built to Last) is hugely fun, because you can usually not only decide what you want those goals to be (whatever inspires, interests, or motivates you), you can also set your own “when and how ” - whatever timeline and approach appeals to you.

I’ll use myself as an example. I started trying to learn Spanish about 10 years ago, and I worked on it a little every day. But in 2023, when Patrick and I decided to spend most of our time in Spain, I set a BHAG: I wanted to be able to speak and understand Spanish more or less the same as I do English.

Lots of people (including the woman with whom I was having Spanish lessons at the time) told me it wasn’t a realistic goal. After all, I was already in my 70s, and “everybody knows” you can’t really learn languages when you’re old. And why would you want to, they asked - just relax and enjoy your later life.

But for me, achieving that goal, or getting reasonably close, was important - I realized it had become an important aspect of me enjoying my life. So, for the past three years, I’ve really made effort to get there. I practice online every day; I watch movies and TV in Spanish; I read Spanish newspapers and books; I take Open University classes; and –most important, I think–I have lovely Spanish friends with whom I always speak Spanish.

I’m not completely there, but I’m making great progress. And last week I gave a 30-minute presentation of The New Old, which just came out in Spanish (La Nueva Vejez) to about 100 people, and then took questions. And afterwards, I spent another 20 minutes signing books, chatting to attendees, cracking jokes. All in Spanish.

When it was over, I said to Patrick, “Wow, I can actually speak Spanish.” He laughed and responded, “You’re just now figuring that out?”

But that was me congratulating myself for being well along in my BHAG, the one that a number of people had told me 1) I didn’t need to accomplish, 2) I probably couldn’t accomplish, and 3) why the hell would I want to, anyway.

But this is much more than me bragging. This is me encouraging you, as an older person, to reach for whatever stars you feel like reaching for. Because research shows that most people are most motivated by three things: mastery, autonomy, and purpose.

In other words, we love to get good at things, we love to have control over how that happens, and we love to focus our efforts on mastering things that are meaningful to us. And those three motivations don’t change with age. We’re just as deeply motivated to master stuff we love in ways that work for us at 80 as we are at 30.

That voice of ageism (internalized or external) that says, “No, you’re too old- that’s not possible/reasonable/seemly/convenient/normal,” I invite you to tell it to take a hike.

Because there’s also a lot of research that shows that not only can we keep focusing on achieving mastery, autonomy and purpose - but that when we do, it has a profoundly positive impact on our mental, emotional and physical health.

And I could give you zillions of examples: Joan McDonald, who started weight training at 70, unhappy and unhealthy - and now at 80 is fit, energetic and is sharing her wisdom and enthusiasm with thousands on social media. Or Grandma Moses, who started painting seriously at 78, because arthritis made doing embroidery too difficult! (She lived to be 101, painting all the while.)

Or, further back in history, Michelangelo, who at the time of his death at the age of 88, was juggling three massive architectural projects: St. Peter’s Basilica, the Porta Pia Roman Gate, and the Basilica of Santa Maria dei Angeli.

Lest you be overwhelmed by the idea of creating deathless art in your 80s, let’s come back to normal people. Me learning Spanish. my husband Patrick learning to make stained glass. Our friends Julie and Jay renovating (from pretty much zero) a wonderful old farmhouse in the suburbs of our city, complete with garden and little orchard. My friend Nomi, in the US, lending her wisdom to two boards in her industry of choice.

All that matters is doing something that’s meaningful to you, in the way you choose, and working to overcome any challenges and obstacles that may exst, in order to achieve a level of mastery that’s satisfying to you.

And I would really love to hear more stories about this. I find them inspiring (and I think most people do). Stories of you or of people you know having a wonderful time learning and doing cool stuff while old. Share with me, or as we say here, “Compártemelo.” :-)