Rikki don't call that number!

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Tuesdays at 11:30 a.m. I talk with WGN-AM 720 host John Williams about what’s making news and likely to be grist for the PS mill. The WGN listen-live link is here.

A tweet crossed my feed the other day that I found both amusing and apt:

This word to wise is one I have been trying to integrate into my habits. Phone calls have always been interruptions instigated by the person trying to contact you. Unless you are sitting idly waiting for the phone to ring — which, I mean, who does that? — calls barge into your life and demand your attention.

With landlines, the rudeness was so unavoidable that we never noticed it or called it out. But with mobile phones, the polite knock on the digital door (“Is now a good time for call?”) is so easy to effect that it’s become simply good manners.

There are exceptions — emergencies, intimate relationships, quickly returned calls, deliberate surprises — but the general rule applies.

Last week I posted a selection of reader nominations for the finest lines in songs, and some readers noted that the list was heavily tilted toward music well-known to Baby Boomers and toward male artists and songwriters. One reason for the gender disparity can be found in Rolling Stone’s top songwriters of all time, which shows only 10 solo female songwriters — Joni Mitchell, Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks, Madonna, Chrissie Hynde, Patti Smith, Loretta Lynn, Lucinda Williams, Björk, and Taylor Swift.

The following lines were either written or made famous by female artists and submitted by readers after I put out the call for more gender diversity:

• I'm not asking much of you, just sing little darling, sing with me. — Johanna and Klara Söderberg, (First Aid Kit)

• You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone -- Joni Mitchell

• Think of me in the depths of your despair. Make a home down there, as mine sure won't be shared. — Adele

• Goodbye, please don't cry. We both know that I'm not what you need. — Dolly Parton

• It’s over, I know it but I can’t let go. — Lucinda Williams

• I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch. — Lizzo/Mina Lioness

• You call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest — Taylor Swift

• I don't have to be hateful , I can just say “bless your heart.” — Miranda Lambert

• Heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another, I beg you don’t embarrass me motherfucker. — Sabrina Carpenter

• If our bodies should turn into dust, I knew you, and death won't take that away from us. — Liana Flores

• I swear I'm not angry, it's just my face— Phoebe Bridgers

• The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me, if ever I fall. You say it best, when you say nothing at all. — Alison Kraus

• You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte — Carly Simon

• I can’t say you hurt me when you never let me near. — Linda Ronstadt

Zorn — I’d be fine with an appointed Secretary of State. In fact, I think the position should be appointed, as it is in 12 states — Delaware, Florida, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Texas and Virginia — or else elected by the state legislature, as happens in Maine, New Hampshire and Tennessee.

Joanie Wimmer — I’ve seen a lot of commenters dissing the Democratic Socialists of America, and claiming that the Democratic Party needs to disavow them in order to win. I think the opposite is true. I think the Democratic Party needs to embrace the DSA, and many of its positions, especially Medicare for all, slashing the military budget, raising taxes on the wealthy, doubling the federal minimum wage, getting rid of the cap on earnings subject to the Social Security and Medicare tax, supporting the PRO Act to strengthen labor unions, etc. The Democrats need to stop trying to be Republican light because they are afraid of losing moderates. If a voter wants Republicans, why would they vote for Republican light? The Democratic Party needs to do these things or it will become irrelevant.

Zorn — I would argue that the Democrats should co-opt some of these positions but not embrace the DSA, which advances far too many naive, utopian (or dystopian if you will) ideas in its platform. Those will create a major branding problem for Democrats. I urge you to watch or listen to David Remnick’s interview with DSA co-chair Megan Romer on the New Yorker Radio Hour podcast and cringe along with some of her answers.

Zorn — Well, Hillary Clinton did win the popular vote. And yes, polls suggested Sanders would beat Trump, but those did not account for what would have happened had Sanders been subjected to the full onslaught of negative campaigning and fearmongering we would have seen if he had been the Democratic nominee. See The Guardian column, “Bernie Sanders would have beaten Donald Trump? Not so fast.”

Ben — I'm tired of hearing that Dr. Anthony Fauci invoked his 5th Amendment privilege "111 times" or "more than 100 times" or whatever, as if those figures suggest he must have been covering something up or else he wouldn't have asserted the privilege so often. The privilege has to be asserted on a question-by-question basis. (Unless, that is, the questioner agrees to let the witness assert the privilege once and have it cover all questions. Not likely with this Senate committee.) That Dr. Fauci asserted the privilege 111 times means only that he was asked 111 questions, nothing more.

Zorn — I would think the law would allow someone under oath to declare his or her intention to take the 5th on all questions and let it go at that. Anything other than that is pure theater.

Matthew W. — On “The Mincing Rascals” Eric questioned why Senators John Cornyn (Texas) and Thom Tillis (North Carolina) would vote for Donald Trump’s nominee to Attorney General. His premise was they have nothing to lose since they are leaving the Senate. But I heard somewhere that the reason they are going to vote yes is future jobs. As former Senators they are allowed access that others do not have. They want to be able to get cushy lobbying jobs that depend on access. The theory is if they displease Trump the other senators will not take their calls or meet with them. So, the one-word answer to Eric’s question is money.

Zorn — I don’t doubt it.

Eric Hofmann — I appreciate your updates about the Tribune’s sneaky “Premium Issue” Sunday inserts and how you tell readers the procedure to opt out of paying for them by calling customer service. But how do you find out the price charged for each, such as the recent Brain Busters section? You wrote it was $20. I believe you are opted out, so do you have someone opted-in reporting to you?

Zorn — You are right to recognize that these costly inserts do not bear a cover price. But the fine print on your renewal card says “your subscription may include up to 17 Premium Issues per year. For each Premium Issue, your account balance will be charged an additional fee of up to $19.99 in the billing period.”

Setting aside the Trumpian capitalization of “Premium Issues,” this advisory is a lesson in weasel words. May include? Up to 17 issues a year? Up to $19.99? Like they just don’t know?

And of course the 99-cent pricing tactic is just sad, which is why I rounded it up to $20. My assumption is that the paper charges you as much as it can for each “Premium Issue,” though of course there is no way to tell.

We get the Sunday paper delivered and even though we opt out of paying for the “Premium Issues” they are still included, which is how I see them.

Meanwhile, I’ve received several letters recently suggesting that the Tribune has finally dropped the time limit on the opt-out — it used to be you had to call every six months to be sure you weren’t charged — and now you can opt out permanently. So a hat tip to them for that.

(formerly Unpopular Opinions)

Donald Trump has been crowing about his “no tax on tips” initiative that exempts up to $25,000 in tips from income calculation for federal tax purposes, and 19 states have passed similar exemptions.

I’m all for helping low-income service workers keep more of their money, but I fail to see why they deserve a special break that other low-income workers don’t get. Why do cashiers, say, or stockroom employees or those who staff the counters and kitchens of fast food restaurants have to pay federal and state taxes on all the money they earn, but servers, concierges, stylists, bartenders and the like get the first 25 grand tax free when it comes in form of tips?

I have a similarly cranky view of the “One Fair Wage” movement to raise the minimum wage for tipped employees to the standard minimum wage. The net effect of eliminating the tipped wage will be to increase the minimum that tipped employees will earn but leave non-tipped employees behind.

Again, I’d rather raise the standards for everyone — make sure no one earns less than the minimum wage, which should be higher — than to single out tipped employees for a special benefit.

Democratic Sen. Cory Booker of New Jersey has a better idea than “no tax on tips.” His The Keep Your Pay Act would make the first $75,000 of income “tax-free for households filing jointly, with proportional tax relief for single filers and heads of households.”

Similarly, The Working Americans’ Tax Cut Act introduced by Democratic U.S. Rep. Don Beyer of Virginia and Democratic U.S. Sen. Chris Van Hollen of Maryland would eliminate federal income taxes for individuals making under $46,000 (and $92,000 for married couples).

Higher earners would pay more in taxes to make up the loss of revenue.

A fairer solution to the “one fair wage” initiative would be to increase enforcement of the legal requirement that employers make up the difference any time tipped workers don’t receive enough gratuities to bring their earnings up to the standard minimum wage.

Your view?

Marc Martinez — Advisory referendums simply tell us the thoughts of the small percentage of people who bother to vote.

Inspired by the WordWheel puzzle in the Monday-Friday Chicago Tribune and other papers, this puzzle asks you to identify the missing letter that will make a word or words — possibly proper nouns; reading either clockwise or counterclockwise — related to a story in the news or other current event. See the end of the newsletter for the answer.

Here are some funny visual images from the distant Picayune Plus archives:

Which of the above visual jokes is the best?

There’s still time to vote in the conventional Quip of the Week poll!

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Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

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