The Enneagram and Marriage Podcast, hosted by Christa Hardin, MA, is rooted in two decades of experience counseling and coaching couples. On top of her expert marriage advice, Christa uses the Enneagram to add another layer of understanding in how we work as individuals and gives us deeper insight into how we connect and shine together in marriage and relationships across the collective community.
Subscribe:.rss.atom.json.md.m3u.pls
Live Last read · last published · next check
Saves to your Listen queue, to pick up on another day or another device.
As we're talking about all month, every marriage has gaps and seasons where connection runs thin or a need goes unspoken for too long. As you're learning to healthily differentiate, don't move so far away that you lose sight of the connections you DO need to have. Find where your healthy and unhealthy gaps are right here and make the healthiest move for you and your family as we learn together in…
This is a special and tender episode to close our month on what our spouses can and cannot carry for us, because some things, like grief, are simply too heavy for any one person to hold alone. Christa welcomes the award-winning writer and podcaster Clarissa Moll, who produces and moderates Christianity Today's flagship news podcast, The Bulletin, and who has become one of the most trusted…
So much of what we hand our spouse to fix is really our own inner work in disguise. In this episode, Christa turns to two of the most useful words the Enneagram gives us: your vice and your virtue. Your vice is the emotional pattern that runs the show under stress, the overused survival strategy of your type, and your virtue is the higher quality that naturally emerges as you heal and grow. We'll…
Christa welcomes the beloved Beatrice Chestnut, one of the most respected voices in the Enneagram world, for a rich conversation on the three centers of intelligence, the body, the heart, and the head, and how each one shapes the way we love, fight, and connect in relationships. So much of what we wrongly ask our spouse to carry comes from the parts of ourselves we have not yet done our own work…
This week Christa welcomes Linda Hannigan, 3 (3-1 pairing), an Enneagram and Marriage certified coach, gifted orator, and truth teller whose candor and artistry make her a joy to learn from. Together they continue the August question of what our spouses can and cannot carry for us, and where our deeper needs actually belong. Linda brings her signature honesty, willing to talk openly about the…
So many of us have handed our spouse a job description they were never meant to fill, to notice our every need, validate our worth, provide our purpose, and keep us feeling seen, alive, and whole. And when they fall short, we feel unnoticed, disappointed, and we start to wonder if something is wrong with the marriage. In this opening series episode, Christa asks a different question: what if the…
Close partners sculpt one another by drawing out each other's ideal self, as we learn from the Michelangelo phenomenon, we find that couples who idealize each other are more likely to last and even grow into the best version the other sees in them, Christa explores how love, at its healthiest, is not blind but prescient. She also names the wise center of it all: we are not called to flatter a…
We often treat physical intimacy as something that happens only in the moment, but the body carries far more than the moment. It carries our history, our stress, and our old wounds, everything it has learned about whether it is safe to open. Drawing on Bessel van der Kolk's landmark work, The Body Keeps the Score, Christa explores how stress and trauma live not just in the mind but in the body…
Many Enneagram teachers have used the Odyssey as a way to talk through the nine types, since there are nine temptations, nine believable reasons to never make it home. Yet each island of trials offers the hero (you!) a real gift of virtue, if you can look past the trap of the very thing keeping you from home. When we instead finally face God and the open sea, when we finally humble ourselves,…
Here Christa turns to a different weight so many couples carry: what happens when the body is simply depleted, exhausted, touched-out, and running on empty, and sex stops feeling like connection and starts feeling like one more thing on an endless list. Going under the hood of the dual control model, she explains why exhaustion is one of the most powerful brakes on desire there is, why the…
Seduction inside a long marriage sounds like a contradiction, and Dr. Anna Elton is here to tell us it is anything but. In this rich conversation, Christa welcomes Dr. Elton to unpack her framework for what she calls the desire equilibrium, the idea that desire is not one thing but three: desiring yourself, desiring your partner, and letting yourself feel wanted. Most couples pour all their energy…
As a special invitation in the middle of our summer exploring desire and intimacy in marriage, Christa pauses to learn from and to share an experience with a soulful friend, welcoming Meredith Hite Estevez, a Juilliard-trained oboist, writer, creative coach, and Enneagram Type 4 married to a Type 7, for a conversation about her beautiful new book, Art Is How God Loves Us. Meredith reframes art not…
Today, Christa reveals the surprising other half of the connection coin when it comes to sexual intimacy: desire does not only need safety, it needs aliveness. Christa names the play deficit that creeps into long marriages as we become expert co-managers of a household and forget how to delight in each other, and shares Amy Muise's fascinating research on self-expansion, the finding that novel,…
Why do so many couples feel stuck in the bedroom even after decades of marriage? Christa goes straight at the real reason in this episode, the armor we put on to avoid being truly seen. Being physically intimate with your spouse asks something genuinely brave of us, to be seen not just in body but in our wanting, our desire, our reaching, and most of us have gotten very good at hiding those tender…
We tend to think of physical intimacy as a moment, here and then gone. But the research reveals it is actually a window, a lingering afterglow that lasts up to forty-eight hours, and what happens inside that window may matter even more than the moment itself. In this episode Christa unpacks Andrea Meltzer's fascinating research on sexual afterglow, the finding that satisfaction stays elevated for…
Almost every couple navigates it, and almost nobody talks about it openly: the vulnerable dance of initiation. Who reaches for whom, who tends to pull back, and the quiet hurt that builds around it over the years. In this tender and practical episode, Christa brings one of the most unspoken dynamics in marriage into the light. She explains why the lower-initiating partner is so often not less…
Today we open the July series on sexual intimacy, and there's no better week for lighting the (safe but sexy) fireworks. Not the ones in the sky, the ones in your marriage. Christa dismantles the myth that real passion just strikes like lightning and reveals what the thriving couples actually know: fireworks are built, not stumbled upon, and synthesizes her decades of experience of working with…
This is the turning point of the Summer of Intimacy, the bridge from everything we have built in June into the sexual intimacy series beginning in July. But this episode names something deeper that has been happening all along. All month, Christa has not been teaching you to try harder at your marriage, she has been guiding you toward second-order change, a concept from family systems work that…
In this crowning summer episode every listener needs to lean in for, Christa unpacks the two paths back to each other: connection, the path of being deeply known, grounded in John Gottman's research on love maps and turning toward bids, and joy, the path of shared aliveness, grounded in Arthur Aron's self-expansion studies on novelty and lasting passion. You will learn why you and your spouse may…
Today Christa talks through 25 years of marriage to Wes - and instead of a typical teaching episode, we're reflecting on the story arc of marriages that thrive. Christa shares a lessonn about her own parents and their 25th, that didn't go the way she expected, what her dad unwittingly taught her about really seeing the person you love, and what 25 years has shown her about intimacy. She also…
When you finally open up and say the vulnerable thing that needed to be said and shared, what next? Often, your spouse gets defensive, shuts down, or fires back, and now you're less likely to ever share again. This is one of the most common and heartbreaking cycles in marriage: vulnerability that backfires actually creates MORE hiding, not less. In this episode of the Summer of Intimacy series,…
This week's deep dive is FREE for everyone, and we mean everyone. Whether you're a longtime Collective member or brand new here, this one's a gift. We're going deeper into emotional processing containers, but this time we're breaking it down by Enneagram type. We cover every type in marriage: what backfires for each, what container works best, and how to create emotional safety with your specific…
Do you tell your spouse every sip of coffee, every flirt at the grocery store, every small moment of frustration? Probably not, and that is not automatically a problem. But there is a real difference between healthy discretion and quiet hiding, and when we do the latter, it costs us more than we realize. This week we are opening up the question of what we share, what we keep to ourselves, and why.…
What if the thing that determines whether your marriage thrives or slowly fades isn't the big fights or the grand gestures, but the hundred tiny moments in between? In this episode, Christa unpacks one of Gottman's most important and least-talked-about discoveries: emotional bids. Every day your spouse is making small, quiet requests for connection, and you're either turning toward them, away from…
What if the distance you feel in your marriage isn't about love at all, but about a bank account that has quietly run low? In episode three of the Summer of Intimacy series, Christa dives into one of Gottman's most powerful research findings, positive sentiment override, and the hidden force that erodes it faster than almost anything else: mental load. If you have been quicker to snap, quicker to…
The couples who drift apart are rarely the ones fighting the most, they are the ones who simply stopped being curious. In this episode, Christa unpacks the love maps research and then hands you the exact questions each Enneagram type secretly longs to be asked, the kind of conversation starters made for a porch swing, a long summer drive, or those quiet few minutes at the end of the day. She also…
As we reflect on what irt really takes to create long-lasting, satisfying love, this summer season, we're coming into a place of focus, and this kickstarter episode launches the Summer of Intimacy, sixteen episodes across June and July covering every layer of what it means to be truly known and truly chosen by your spouse. June goes deep into emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and playful…
Meet author, New York Times viral writer, and wife/mom Amanda McCracken, the woman who sat beside Katie Couric and was told she had 'fairytale princess syndrome' as she dreamed of romantic love. This comment launched a ten year research journey that became the book, When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love, that we're talking…
After a car accident sent her on a deeply personal journey into bodywork and healing, Dr. Cathleen Gerenge, Type 7, discovered that the path to thriving was not just clinical but deeply embodied, and that lesson changed the way she practices and the way she lives, and she brings her brilliance to us about thyroid, specific hormones, and taking care of us, just as she too found results and also the…
As we learn more about what relationship science says, we learn that not only was your brain designed for continued new learning, but fascinatingly, your marriage was designed to benefit from it, too. Researcher Arthur Aron has spent decades studying what keeps couples not just together but genuinely in love, and what he found might surprise you: novel shared experiences do not just make a…
Kelly Chase, the breakout star of Love Is Blind, Season 1, brings something to this conversation that goes far deeper than what the world got to see when she said "no" at the altar. As a Type 3. we get to talk about the inside of the life of a type 3, as Kelly talks about both sides of the Performer personality, the side that performs to others and abandons self, and the version of herself that…
Milana Vayntrub is an actress, comedian, and activist born in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, who came to prominence as Lily Adams in AT&T commercials — and in 2026 she stepped into something entirely new, playing Olesya Ilyukhina, a Russian engineer and cosmonaut in the blockbuster film Project Hail Mary alongside Ryan Gosling. But this conversation goes somewhere the red carpet does not. Milana is a Type…
There are times in life when you're exhausted, foggy, perhaps having headaches or gaining weight, and running on empty in your energy, and thus your marriage, and yet it's hard to explain why, since your habits haven't changed much. Dr. Alicia Newsome joins us today to talk about all of this and more as a physician who specializes in root-cause hormone care, and she is here to tell you that what…
It is Maycember and everyone is running on empty, and your marriage still needs you. Not the leftover version. The actual you. In this episode, Christa makes the connection nobody talks about: taking care of yourself is not separate from loving your spouse, it is what makes you capable of the most generous thing a marriage asks of you. Bearing witness. Staying in the dark with your person without…
We are kicking off a new month of Enneagram and Marriage on health and wellness in marriage, and we are starting it in the deeps, in the heart of physical suffering. Today Christa interviews Sydney Anne Bennett, author, military wive, and storyteller with over 300K followers who became disabled two weeks after her honeymoon. Diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder, a condition where the…
Today's guests are #1 high-level ICF-trained (top 2% of coaches) Jamie Slingerland, MCC and Ruthie Perez Slingerland, MCC married coaches, Enneagram mentors, and business partners who, brick by brick, have built a healthy communication pattern across years, even with opposite though both joyful personalities. Listen as we chat with Jamie and Ruthie Slingerland (7-9 pairing), and what happened when…
Russ Hudson, co-founder of the Enneagram Institute and author of The Wisdom of the Enneagram, joins Christa for a masterclass on conflict. This isn't just "here's what your type does wrong", Russ breaks down the deeper architecture of how we fight: shock points (the places where we get triggered and can't think), harmonic groups (the patterns underneath how we process conflict), and the instincts…
Christa sits down with Jason VanRuler (type 2), therapist and author who specializes in communication and relationships, for a conversation about why couples can walk away from the same conversation with completely different experiences. Jason breaks down the PATHS Assessment he developed to help couples understand their communication types and why what you say isn't always what your partner…
Christa sits down with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call, longtime therapists, professors, relationship theorists and practitioners, and authors of The Deep-Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight, for a powerful conversation about trauma-informed couples therapy through the lens of The Narrative Focused Trauma Care® (NFTC) Model Dan Allender created. Here in this juicy and…
Christa sits down with Jessica Claire Bond, founder of the wildly influential Instagram account Salt & Light Collective, for a conversation about learning to love and forgive one another even when it's hard. Jessica shares how her Type 3 gift for truth-telling - balanced by her 9 arrow - helps her navigate divisiveness with grace and bring people back to the example of Christ in a chaotic world.…
In this pivotal conflict solution focused episode, Christa breaks down the 4-step apology framework that actually works (spoiler: it's not just saying "I'm sorry") and shows how each Enneagram type sabotages repair when they're stuck in their stress pattern. Together we joyfully walk through where each type goes under stress during conflict, from various caves and caverns on the mountain, we get…
More often than not, couples are just tired - there is so much to do, plus so much conflict to work through. What do you do when you and your spouse are too emotionally drained for another big conversation? Discover simple repair moves, easy, low-hanging fruit solutions, and permission to take breaks from heavy processing. Learn one quick tip for each Enneagram type plus five easy ways to…
Today, we get practical with Type 8 counselor duo Chris Bruno and Tracy Johnson from ReStory Counseling and the Thrive Marriage Lab Podcast to talk about marriage conflict. Chris is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in men and masculinity, sexual addiction, trauma, and abuse, while Tracy is a storywork coach who sits with people in their untold stories, specializing in trauma, abuse,…
In this month's new series, we're talking about conflict all month, and we're going to work at it together! Here today, we can discover together how the three Enneagram harmony groups approach conflict differently in terms of their worldview on a bigger picture scope before we get more granular. Learn how 147 Idealists can critically fight from their lofty principles, how 258…
Christa sits down with Randi Zuckerberg, entrepreneur, Social 7, and elite ultrarunner who recently set an FKT on the 82-mile Baja Sur trail and finished the wildly difficult 250-mile Cocodona race. Randi opens up on this month's final family systems episode about being more than "Mark Zuckerberg's sister", "Brent's wife", and mom, and becoming unapologetically and authentically her own person. As…
What happens when you realize your family's version of "normal" wasn't actually healthy? Whether conflict meant someone stormed out and didn't speak for days or big emotions were shut down with "you're fine" or "stop crying, or even that maybe family problems were swept under the rug and never discussed, today we're talking about how you're looking at your own children and engaging with them…
Christa has a special guest fave on the show today, her husband Wes, Enneagram Type 1 as she dives into something new she and the E + M team created together: a couples Enneagram quiz. Today Christa and Wes share some of their inherent differences they saw on the fun DC E + M adventure they just took, and discuss how they compassionately dealt with them too, as they applied family systems…
Today, Christa helps you explore the crucial difference between the family systems concepts of emotional cutoff and healthy boundaries in family relationships. Learn why going completely silent often creates more problems than it solves, how cutoff patterns affect your marriage, and when boundaries might be a better (and even better for your nervous system) solution! Discover a simple repair…
Listener-favorite and couples therapist Shane Birkel (host of The Couple Therapist Couch podcast) is back! Though last time Shane talked about how men can be strong but soft, this episode tackles the other side of the #1 issue Christa is seeing with couples these days: women who have learned to use their voice but how now she is coming across abrasively in a way that hurts versus helps in their…
Ever wonder why your body still tenses around certain family members even after years of therapy or spiritual formation? Today we explore a topic Christa works on as well, and explore the difference between cognitive safety and somatic safety - why your nervous system keeps reacting even when your mind has moved on. Learn three simple body-based practices you can use before, during, and after…