80% of people think they are an above average driver.
It’s one of my favorite statistics, because you don’t have to be a genius to see the problem: How can over 50% of people be “above average” at something? Clearly, 30% of those people are delusional.
The funny thing is, even as I write this, I have never for a second considered that I may be one of those delusional fools. I might have some blind spots, but I’m self-aware enough to know that I really am a good driver!
Right?
That is how I read this week’s Gospel. Jesus tells his followers that come harvest time, God will separate the weeds from the wheat and burn them. In other words, the sinners won’t get into Heaven. They’re screwed. Scary stuff.
But does anyone actually hear this parable and think that maybe they are the weeds? Of course not. Everyone is an “above average” person, just like they’re an above average driver. Jesus must be talking about someone else.
For as long as I can remember, I have considered myself calm and easy going. Low maintenance.
But a few months ago, my friend Matt and I had plans to run over the Brooklyn Bridge and get coffee in the West Village when I changed the plan. I didn’t want to have to weave through the crowds on the bridge and schlep back home on the subway. Obviously, I figured, Matt would feel the same. So I suggested we stick to our typical route and stay local.
“Whatever you want,” Matt said. “I knew you were gonna change the plan.”
Knew I was gonna change the plan?
I defended myself, but when it came down to it, I could think of many times in the friendship when I had gotten my way. Even worse, I could think of an identical conversation with Anne not too long before. “You always pick where to order dinner from.”
Not so easy going after all.
I was recently hanging a bookshelf in our kids’ room when one of the plastic wall anchors snapped off in the drywall, and I absolutely lost it. An unending string of half-coherent curses spilled from my mouth. Who were the corporate morons who thought such flimsy wall anchors would do the trick?
I could have put my electric drill straight through the wall, I was so angry.
“You’ve got a short fuse,” Anne said later that night, sitting on the couch.
A short fuse? But I’m calm!
Or maybe I don’t get to decide that. I don’t get to grade my own driving. All I can do is listen.
See you next week.
Emmett
Jesus proposed another parable to the crowds, saying:
“The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a man
who sowed good seed in his field.
While everyone was asleep his enemy came
and sowed weeds all through the wheat, and then went off.
When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well.
The slaves of the householder came to him and said,
‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field?
Where have the weeds come from?’
He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’
His slaves said to him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
He replied, ‘No, if you pull up the weeds
you might uproot the wheat along with them.
Let them grow together until harvest;
then at harvest time I will say to the harvesters,
“First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles for burning;
but gather the wheat into my barn.”’”
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