Born Sad

I think in a past life, something happened towards the end that caused me to be immersed in sorrow. I came in to this life sad, serious, sometimes anxious. This is my default condition. Joy and happiness require lots of work. I look at my baby and child pictures and my baby eyes have a deep knowledge and understanding of the difficulty of being happy.

Like the Violet Fairy at Sleeping Beauty's christening, though, I was given one small gift to mitigate this burden. I was given a sense of The Ridiculous, and a decent BS meter - so that there is some relief every now and then.

I’m a recent widow, so it would seem like ‘well, there you have it - that’s why.” But in reality, when this happened - it’s like I’m embracing a comfortable old friend, to be sad. I’m wrapping myself in a blanket of emotion I understand.

I am finding, though, that nowadays I’m most often elevated out of my default state by visual art - which is new for me. In the past it’s happened with the written word, and with music.

They say it takes more muscles to frown that to smile. I’ve always been able to frown.