Etiquette Throwback 1922: The Little Dinner

In a refreshingly relatable moment, Emily spells out the charm of the little dinner at home. While the picture accompanying this section suggests something quite formal by today’s standards (see image below), the content shows that, for all the importance of a formal dinner, a simple meal with close friends is often the most sought-after invitation.

*Please note that the grammar, spelling, and attitude in the following excerpt follow early 20th-century standards, and we have included the excerpt as is, with any typos that were printed in the book at the time.

THE LITTLE DINNER

The little dinner is thought by most people to be the very pleasantest social function there is. It is always informal, of course, and intimate conversation is possible, since strangers are seldom, or at least very carefully, included. For younger people, or others who do not find great satisfaction in conversation, the dinner of eight and two tables of bridge afterwards has no rival in popularity. The formal dinner is liked by most people now and then (and for those who don’t especially like it, it is at least salutary as a spine stiffening exercise), but for night after night, season after season, the little dinner is to social activity what the roast course is to the meal.

The service of a “little” dinner is the same as that of a big one. As has been said, proper service in properly run houses is never relaxed, whether dinner is for eighteen or for two alone. The table appointments are equally fine and beautiful, though possibly not quite so rare. Really priceless old glass and china can’t be replaced because duplicates do not exist and to use it three times a day would be to court destruction; replicas, however, are scarcely less beautiful and can be replaced if chipped. The silver is identical; the food is equally well prepared, though a course or two is eliminated; the service is precisely the same. The clothes that fashionable people wear every evening they are home alone, are, if not the same, at least as beautiful of their kind. Young Gilding’s lounge suit is quite as “handsome” as his dinner clothes, and he tubs and shaves and changes his linen when he puts it on. His wife wears a tea gown, which is classified as a negligé rather in irony, since it is apt to be more elaborate and gorgeous (to say nothing of dignified) than half of the garments that masquerade these days as evening dresses! They wear these informal clothes only if very intimate friends are coming to dinner alone. “Alone” may include as many as eight!—but never includes a stranger.

Otherwise, at informal dinners, the host wears a dinner coat and the hostess a simple evening dress, or perhaps an elaborate one that has been seen by everyone and which goes on at little dinners for the sake of getting some “wear out of it.” She never, however, receives formally standing, though she rises when a guest comes into the room, shakes hands and sits down again. When dinner is announced, gentlemen do not offer their arms to the ladies. The hostess and the other ladies go into the dining-room together, not in a procession, but just as they happen to come. If one of them is much older than the others, the younger ones wait for her to go ahead of them, or one who is much younger goes last. The men stroll in the rear. The hostess on reaching the dining-room goes to her own place where she stands and tells everyone where she or he is to sit. “Mary, will you sit next to Jim, and Lucy on his other side; Kate, over there, Bobo, next to me,” etc.

For a little dinner, Emily is still suggesting quite a lot of pomp! While it’s true that in her day people in general dressed more formally, and entertained with more formality, we have to imagine that in more modest households and certainly ones without staff that a little dinner would be more akin to what we offer our closest friends when we invite them over for a simple mid-week meal or pizza on a Friday evening. But we do appreciate that as Emily brings Young Gilding in as our example host, she emphasizes that he takes care to bathe and shave, and despite the joke about his wife wearing a negligé, neither is actually showing up in the equivalent of sweats or pajamas that might be tempting for a casual pizza night today.

How do you like to entertain for a casual dinner at home with friends? Let us know in the comments! Can’t post? Sign up for a subscription today, or post on the Monday Podcast comment thread.

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