Society hasn’t taught women to communicate with men…
What society has done is teach us to be passive aggressive, unloving, and resentful — thinking that that’s what’s going to get our men to change and our relationship to be better.
And since you’re reading this I’m assuming you no longer want to operate that way, yes?
Here’s what you get to practice the next time you’re feeling triggered:
Step 1 — Pause + Notice
Ok, so he said something that upset you. Take a second to just pause. Don’t react. Simply notice the sensation in your body and take a deep breath.
Don’t attach yourself to it.
Don’t add meaning to it.
Don’t let it close your heart.
And ask yourself: “Would saying something right now hurt or help our connection?”
Step 2 — Reset + Regulate
Women are dominantly run by emotions. That tends to make us detach from reality and believe the most tragic narrative our brain is making up — whether it’s true or not.
When you take a step back to reset and regulate your brain will be able to connect back more to the logic half of your brain, helping you see a different POV.
Try this regulation exercise the next time you’re having a menty b
The butterfly hug — cross your hands on your chest or opposite shoulders and tap one hand then the next in a rhythmic fashion as you inhale and exhale (exhales always longer than inhales)
Try this until you feel more centered, calm & secure (you may yawn or feel your entire body unclench — these are signs you’re coming out of flight or flight and back into a regulated state)
Step 3 — Phone a trusted mentor, coach, therapist or friend
Women are interdependent and need to talk things out to gain clarity on them and release tension and energy around it — it actually helps us create more of the female hormone; Estrogen
*In my 1:1 coaching containers I offer 24/7 WhatsApp voice note mentorship between our calls so that you can phone a friend when you’re in crisis with your man* — click here to schedule a connection call w/ me today 🙂↕️
Step 4 — Bring it up (with discernment)
If after all of the previous steps you still feel as though this is something that needs to be brought up to him proceed with the following ➡️
Ask if he has a second to chat & let him know he’s not in trouble
Share with him that you love him and something you’re grateful for in your relationship
Share an “I feel _____” statement
Ask him for his help
FEM COMMUNICATION EXAMPLES:
“I just want to start by saying how much I love and appreciate you. I know you support me in so many ways, and I really feel that. And right now I feel sad that I came home to a messy house. May I have your help understanding your side?”
“Thank you so much for all of your help with ___ recently — I really feel and appreciate it. Last week, when you went out with your friends and I wasn’t invited I felt really afraid that you were losing feelings for me. May I have some reassurance around how you’re feeling?”
“I’ve genuinely loved getting to know you these past couple of months — it’s been so much fun, and I feel really connected to you. I have a story that when you don’t get back to me right away you’re with another girl or you’re just ignoring me. May I have your help with that story?
“I feel sad about something right now. May I have your help with it?”
^ Something as simple as example #4 is an amazing first step!!! When in doubt, keep it simple!
Do you notice a theme in the “I feel” statements?
They’re using simple and primary emotions that are shared without blame and judgment
There’s a difference between saying “I feel completely neglected and taken advantage of” and “I feel sad”
When it comes to communicating vulnerably, you NEED to connect with and identify the most tender feeling beneath the surface level reaction
It’s most likely going to be that you are feeling:
Sad
Afraid
Unloved
Remember babe, it’s all about progress not perfection. Just start trying to communicate your feelings vulnerably. Even share with your partner that you’re going to fumble over your words and feelings but that you’re trying to do things differently. There’s beauty, closeness and connection in the messy moments — it’s called intimacy.
Comment below what your biggest takeaway from this post is and to hold yourself accountable to making a change!
⤵️⤵️⤵️
Xoxo,
Em
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