Artemis 2 Crew Canceled for Display of DEI and Diversity

Artemis astronaut portrait by By Josh Valcarcel

In a shocking development, Kriegsminister Kegseth of the USSA has announced that after astronaut Victor Glover made his brief “unprepared” speech from outer space on board the Artemis 2, the mission would be canceled and therefore would not be allowed to return to Earth. “Let them go back to where they came from” shouted Kegseth. “If I hadn’t been on a heavy drunk in anticipation of our incredible Victory in Iran, I would have looked at the picture of that Artemis crew. From the very start we should have known that this crew did not represent the America that we are trying to make great. These people are not the “highest male standard” ...how could they be? One isn’t even a man and another isn’t white! Where was Big Balls when we needed him?”

In his remarks from space, Glover stated “You guys are talking to us because we’re in a spaceship really far from Earth, but you’re on a spaceship called Earth that was created to give us a place to live in the universe,” Glover said. “Maybe the distance we are from you makes you think what we’re doing is special, but we’re the same distance from you. And I’m trying to tell you — just trust me — you are special...In all of this emptiness — this is a whole bunch of nothing, this thing we call the universe — you have this oasis, this beautiful place that we get to exist together,” he said of Earth. “I think, as we go into Easter Sunday, thinking about all the cultures all around the world, whether you celebrate it or not, whether you believe in God or not, this is an opportunity for us to remember where we are, who we are, and that we are the same thing, and that we’ve gotta get through this together.”

The Kriegsministerium had developed a special automatic “Anti-DEI & Diversity Sensor System” monitoring all media activities. It nearly exploded after Glover’s words were disseminated around the world with both the DEI and Diversity alarms blasting full-tilt. Hearing about this occurrence from a Faux News special on the Artemis 2 mission, President iDJT summoned Kegseth. “How much did Soros pay that astronaut to talk that treason? How did he and that broad sneak into that spaceship anyway? They’re low-IQ, she’s not even a 5. Why hasn’t his family been deported? Do it now!”

Kegseth has made it clear that the US Space Force will be vigilantly monitoring the trajectory of the Artemis and if it dares to enter the earth’s atmosphere, it will be eliminated. “We offer ‘no quarter, no mercy for our enemies’ and if those DEI monsters try to land anywhere even near the USSA, they will know our wrath.”