Lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of people I know are deciding not to cook anymore. And this scares the crap out of me.
I love to cook, and I love to bake. They’re different but similar skills and I’ve always enjoyed the challenge of both. I love the leeway in cooking - measurements don’t have to be exact, seasonings can range from very mild to spicy, many substitutions can be made, particularly for proteins and vegetables, and I love the restrictive science of baking. Recipes for sweets are tested to prove the chemical reactions for leavening, such as with the use of baking powder, baking soda, or yeast. There’s the gluten formation, or lack thereof - I bake exclusively gluten-free, so I’ve created my own chemistry lab around that - and there’s the play with fats, and heat transfers between acids and sugars to help create browning and flavors.
My love for cooking bloomed because my favorite aunt, Aunt Tina, was a gourmet chef (first as a hobby, then later she turned it into her second career). My Sicilian grandparents were fabulous cooks, and cooked everything fresh daily. They only kept butter, milk, and eggs in the fridge, and ice and ice cream in the freezer and every day my grandfather, Saverio (yes, I named my movie after him), would go to the market for fresh vegetables and meat. So it’s likely they inspired Tina, and she became an early foodie. That, along with her science background (she had been a genealogist most of her career) made cooking and baking a natural progression for her. And through Tina’s passion, and the Wednesday Newsday food section, I too, became a cook.
(don’t mess with the chef - photo by Jon Lam)
My Sicilian mother was taught by her mother-in-law, my Grandma Annie, how to cook “Jewish-style” and keep kosher. She wasn’t bad, but she was no Tina. Grandma would visit for three-to-four weeks at a time, during which she’d fill our freezer with perogi, stuffed cabbage, knishes, soups, tzibblepletzl, sugar cookies, and mandel brot. My sisters and I would bake her mandel brot, but we called it Mandel Bread and substituted loads of chocolate chips instead of walnuts and golden raisins.
At 16 years old I started to prepare dinners for my parents. Both of my sisters were out of the house, and my mother was working hard at a job she created for herself – she had become, “The Museum Lady” and would take exhibits around to the classrooms throughout the school district. My mother was more than happy to shop for ingredients from my Newsday recipe and enjoy a homecooked meal by me.
Aunt Tina once encouraged my mom and dad to do a tour and dinner at the Culinary Institute of Arts in Hyde Park, NY, where she had taken some classes. Back in those days, its major rival was Le Cordon Bleu in Paris. My parents were not only wowed by this experience, but when they came home they declared that instead of going to college for theater, I would be going the the CIA. They had put my name on a two-year waiting list and that was that.
“Absolutely not!” I rebelled. “I will either be going to college for theater, or straight to New York City to be an actress.”
In the end, I won out, which looking back, might have been the one time I should have listened to my parents. I often wonder what my life would be today if I had.
But in spite of my rebellion and even without formal training, I became a chef. After grad school, (for theater of course), I began cooking privately for some celebrity types in NYC. I also worked for a large catering company preparing small, upscale dinner parties for rich people in their apartments. A few years in I started volunteering to cook at the Manhattan Center for Living, which at the time was run by Richard LaMarita. Richard was a prominent New York City chef, culinary instructor, and long-time practitioner of Ayurvedic cooking. He was the supervisory chef at the legendary restaurant, Angelica’s Kitchen which pioneered the macrobiotic diet and veganism. For two-plus years, I spent every Sunday afternoon at the Manhattan Center for Living where we would cook meals for people living with life-challenging illnesses, who at the time were mostly gay men living with AIDS. Richard took me under his wing and gave me the formal training I needed to round out my culinary talents. I still use all of the techniques and tricks he taught me, and I think about him almost every day.
Cut to: today. I cook and bake almost every day. I’m inspired by the gorgeous California produce and enjoy going to many grocery stores and farmers markets weekly. And I am still very much a rebel.
I rarely follow a recipe but yesterday, I followed a Thai basil noodle dish recipe exactly, and afterwards cursed myself for not trusting my instincts. I also baked the famed New York Times Plum Torte, but subbed in fresh pitted cherries, fresh blueberries, blended avocado oil and butter instead of all butter, used cardamom instead of cinnamon, a blend of oat, almond and GF flour instead of white flour, switched in a quarter-cup of light brown sugar instead of all white sugar. And voila! It was a fruit-packed delight to behold!
(the “traditional” plum torte, and my rebellious cherry blueberry torte - both delicious)
Okay, I’m finally getting to the point of this long-winded piece!
So I’ve always noticed that when people get older they stop cooking. Not just a smattering of people here and there, but most. And now I’m hearing from friends that they too, are done with cooking. Honestly, this surprised me as many of these friends are terrific cooks.
“Nope, I don’t have it in me anymore,” said one.
“It’s boring and takes too much time. I’d rather play tennis,” said another.
Another, a gourmand, who always had something delicious on the stove, recently said, “We just don’t eat that much anymore.” She said she often eats a boiled egg for dinner and her husband some cottage cheese and bananas.
Aye! I can’t imagine!
I researched this and Google said it happens for several reasons. The main reason is fatigue and pain. Joint stiffness, arthritis, and weaker muscles can all contribute to pain while standing and chopping. I use some pretty heavy equipment, like a KitchenAid and my Cuisinart food processor not to mention heavy enamel pots, so I get it. Last week I bruised my right hand while food prepping, and it’s still sore as I type this.
Another reason is the mental effort required to meal plan. This is actually something I enjoy, but I realize it’s not for everyone. I often try to get my husband Jon to engage in it with me but it’s always a struggle.
“Let’s go to the freezer and get inspired for this week’s menu!” I’ll suggest.
He usually responds, “Mmm, that’s okay, you can do it.”
He loves my cooking and loves a good meal but if he’s made to think too much about it, he’ll say, “It’s just fuel.”
For me, it’s a creative outlet, a chance to showcase what’s fresh from the ground or trees. Sometimes I love the challenge to use up what’s in the fridge – like my own little game of Chopped.
Other reasons people stop cooking include cognitive decline and safety, and often the two go hand in hand. I remember visiting my parents in Florida, and when I arrived there was smoke in the kitchen. My mother had accidentally left the stove on with the corn on the cob boiling. She was ashamed and swore this was the only time anything like this ever happened. Maybe, but it started to occur more often and eventually, she too, stopped cooking. Luckily, we have an induction stove which has a built-in safety feature to turn off when it’s not touched for awhile. Hopefully, that’ll keep me from burning the house down should I start to lose my marbles.
Other reasons people stop cooking include having only two people to cook for, depression, poor eyesight, using GLPs…
My mother-in-law was able to prepare a few things with consistency well into her eighties, until she got very sick. My beautiful Aunt Tina never lived long enough to choose to stop cooking. She died at seventy-two of cancer and in her last weeks, I was making and feeding her small portions of scrambled eggs, porridge, soups…
Yesterday I cooked up a storm, and I’ll admit, I was already sore from my Pilates class and standing on my feet for several hours did create some fatigue, but I didn’t want to stop. Next time, I’ll remember to put on compression socks and wear the sneakers with the orthotics in them.
Yup, it’s come to that!
It’s a worry of mine that I might stop this creative act one day, as that that will signify a major shift into old age. But in the meantime, I’ll keep enjoying my many cooking magazine subscriptions, both online and in print, I’ll keep America’s Test Kitchen on in the background on my iPad in the kitchen, keep snipping herbs from my garden, and I’ll happily host dinner parties as long as my body and mind will allow.
Do you still cook? If so, what do you love to make? Lemme know!
BTW, the FILTHY MILFS podcast is gearing up to return with Season 2 this September! Do you have ideas for guests you’d love us to interview? We welcome your suggestions. Meantime, catch all of Season One wherever you listen to podcasts, and follow us on the socials to keep up with your favorite MILFS!
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