Why I Love My 'Boring' Era

Hi,

Happy Friday. Hope you’ve had a great week, I’m just back from leading an assembly at the girls’ school all about healthy eating, we read the brilliant belly bugs book and talked about the pets in our tummies that we needed to feed. Very very cute! On the topic of very cute, here’s my little office assistant this morning…

So, today’s newsletter is an ode to being ‘boring’! A deep dive into why modern life sometimes makes us feel like ordinary life isn’t enough. And I’m excited to get your thoughts on this, because I’ve been mulling both the idea and consequences over all week…

Quickly before I delve into this though, a note to say the meditation and breathwork schedule for this week is at the bottom of the newsletter and I’ve got lots of lunchtime classes coming up. I’m loving seeing so many of you joining and carving out a slice of peace and calm in your week. The classes are for paid subscribers, I host around 4 live sessions per week, and would love you to join us.

Ok, so, what do I mean by boring here? Basically, being really happy doing the same, pretty simple, unremarkable, normal things on repeat.

Cooking the same simple meals, following the same routines, using the same beauty/make up products, wearing the same clothes, doing the same meditations or workouts etc. Just coming back to the same habits, rhythm and structures again and again, because they make you happy (and they’re realistic). I guess it’s equally a move away from a constant accumulation of newness, both in terms of material things and news/need to always do more/be more, all of which are inherently interesting because we as humans tend to gravitate to new, it’s shiny and probably speaks to that nosiness that lives in us all.

I’m curious, as always, to get your take on this, because I’ve been thinking a lot about the tension between what the internet and today’s society seem to reward – that novelty, a sense of transformation, optimisation, big achievements – and where happiness tends to sit - repetition, familiarity, community, routine. Essentially, I think ordinary life is at risk of becoming undervalued in our increasingly online existence, which I don’t think is going to help most of us live well. It’s definitely not good for our mental wellbeing, given how innate it is for us to compare ourselves to others.

I’ve lived both lives, as you probably know. Posting my ‘newness’ on socials, mostly Instagram, was a big part of my career. I built an audience of over 2 million people on Instagram, a total of 4 million people across all channels.

If I look back at how I managed to build such a big audience, I think it was twofold. There was definitely an element of right time, right place. I started sharing simple, nourishing, plant-rich recipes at a time when no one else was, just as Instagram started taking off. But so did lots of my peers, and I’m pretty sure that Deliciously Ella outlived and outgrew many of them because we had this amazing cycle of constant newness. For almost fifteen years, we had something exciting to tell people, there was always something cool to say, to show, to talk about; a new recipe, stage in the business, product, life event, accomplishment, feeling.

We bought a factory, we opened 3 cafes, we closed them, we did pop ups at festivals, we launched an insane number of product lines, multiple new ones each year, published over 3,000 recipes, moved offices 3 times, grew a team to over 100 people, I did my yoga teacher training, started leading classes, got married, got a dog, had two kids, and the list goes on and on…

I was chasing and celebrating newness in every sense, and that translated brilliantly to content, it was such a good story (if I say so myself) but it didn’t translate to happiness. It meant I was always chasing, nothing was ever enough, I subconsciously got in a habit of always, always needing more, even if I didn’t sometimes recognise it.

I felt I had to cook something different every day, not to hit 30 plants a week, but so that I had new content to share. And that always needing to be shiny and exciting was exhausting. Matt and I would always say to each other it felt like we always had to be moving forwards, we couldn’t stand still, once you started to stand still things went backwards.

Maybe not overly shocking that I burnt out when put like this :)

I also realised that along the way I’d subconsciously started to equate being interesting, or always having something new to say or do, with being valuable. The reality is that people really liked it, I was constantly validated for doing more. And I think I therefore absorbed the idea that if my life wasn’t exciting, productive or impressive then I wasn’t enough.

Since burnout, I’ve changed my life completely. Over the last two years, I’ve done the absolute opposite. No more chasing my tail, no more impossible goals, no more constant newness, instead a return to me as I really am. A total acceptance of that self and the habits that genuinely make me feel good.

So now when I go onto Instagram and think ‘goodness me I really need to post something’ and that something needs to be interesting, not something people have seen 100 times before, something the algorithm will like, I realise I basically never have anything to share. There is basically nothing new in camera roll because I’m just doing the same ‘boring’ things on repeat.

And guess what, I’m SO much happier for it. I LOVE my boring, steady, not much to say online era.

And it’s not a boring or ‘nothing’ era because my life is empty, it’s because it’s regulated and simpler and therefore much less IG friendly.

On Monday I took my kids to school, did a group exercise class, wrote some emails, ate some chia pudding (swear by this for good digestion!), did a meditation training, taught a meditation class, made some roasted tomato soup, did a couple of calls/online meetings, collected my kids, made a lentil ragu for us all for supper and watched Netflix. On Tuesday I took a commuter train to London, recorded The Wellness Scoop, had a quick meeting and came home via school to get the girls. Yesterday I stood in line at the passport office and realised mine had actually expired. And it goes on….

I’ve walked the dogs on the same walk I do every day, listened to the same podcasts, worn the same jeans I’ve had for years with white t-shirts etc, followed my same sourdough method to make the same loaves I’ve been making for months and used the same beauty products I’ve had for years.

It’s amazing, and fulfilling and I feel so content, like that baseline happiness is just part of me now, but it’s certainly in the ‘boring’ bucket by short-format social content standards.

You’re likely thinking, ok, that’s great, I (probably?) agree that we need to normalise the mundane, the everyday, but what does that mean for our collective exploration of living well, for those of wanting more balance, more all-round wellness in our lives?

I think a lot actually.

I think it shows how important it is to not compare yourself to anyone who’s livelihood hinges on their online content, because it is literally their job to always have something new to tell you about. Even a new lipstick, a new moisturiser, a new revelation about a relationship. The newness can be simple but really it must exist or else we’d get bored and switch off, which would be detrimental to their income and in many cases their livelihood. You just can’t post all day everyday about the same stuff and expect virality.

But just because they always have something new, doesn’t mean you need to as well. And we know these things can never really make us happy (anyone watch that 6-min YouTube on the brain and happiness set point last week?), it’s fun for a second, but it doesn’t change anything.

The second thing my boring era showed me follows the same questioning of happiness.

If I’m honest, after realising that I had nothing of note to say on Instagram for days on end, I caught myself thinking, if my habits are ‘boring’, am I ‘boring’? Do I just have nothing to say anymore?

And I think that’s another important reflection in today’s digital age, because I just don’t think it is true. Not constantly having newness doesn’t make you boring by any stretch of the imagination, it probably means you’re happy where you are, and arguably that’s a bigger thing to celebrate.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I think we’re living in a culture that has confused excitement and novelty with happiness, which ironically is probably detracting from our happiness. Learning to notice life’s small pleasures and being happy in the moment, being truly present is the key to happiness. We’ve seen that time and time again but we’re always distracted by the external search for it, I think. What do you think?

I just think ordinary life isn’t insufficient, every chapter doesn’t need to be filled with huge transformation, every hobby doesn’t need to become a side hustle or content and every meal doesn’t need to be snapped. We don’t need constant before and afters.

Everywhere we look we’re encouraged to chase the next thing. A new purchase, a new health trend, a new life goal, a new supplement, a new destination, a new routine, a new version of ourselves. We’re constantly being sold the idea that fulfilment sits just on the other side of whatever we’re doing now. And the funny thing is, I genuinely think most of us know that isn’t true, but we keep chasing it anyway.

And then the final thing it highlighted to me was how important it is to give our brains the chance to be happy.

What do I mean by that? Well, the shiny, new, search for more we just talked about has a big impact on dopamine, one of the neurotransmitters involved in motivation, reward and our drive to seek out new experiences.

Dopamine is often described as the chemical of pursuit. It drives us towards the next thing. It creates anticipation, excitement and motivation. It’s brilliant for helping us move forward, build things and try new experiences. But the feeling doesn’t last for very long. We get the thing we wanted and almost immediately our attention shifts to what comes next. We want more.

The challenge is that modern life gives us endless opportunities to chase that feeling. Social media, online shopping, constant notifications, news alerts, short-form videos and the endless stream of new wellness trends all feed our desire for novelty. Spend enough time in that cycle and ordinary life can start to feel less stimulating by comparison.

That’s one of the reasons people like TJ Power (love his socials and his book the DOSE effect) talk about creating more space from constant stimulation. Not because dopamine is bad, far from it, but because when we’re constantly seeking the next hit of novelty we can lose our appreciation for the slower, steadier things that actually make up a good life. Walks, conversations, cooking, reading, time outside, hobbies, family dinners and all the other beautifully ordinary moments that don’t create a huge spike of excitement but often leave us feeling much more fulfilled.

Definitely have a look at TJ Power and his work on this. He speaks brilliantly about the dopamine cycle, the need to create a little more space from constant stimulation and the importance of finding enjoyment in simpler things again.

And if you put this all together, I think that’s partly why my boring era has felt so good. Because I’ve stopped asking my brain to be excited all the time, and somewhere in that shift I’ve found a lot more contentment.

For years, I was a glass half empty person and I thought happiness would come from finding/buying/doing the next thing, but now I don’t think that’s the case. I think learning to live well is about embracing repetition and simplicity, celebrating basics, being ok where you are, not knowing what’s around the corner but not needing to either.

I’d also say that a balanced, healthy, happy life is surprisingly repetitive. Most meaningful things aren’t built through dramatic breakthroughs but through small actions repeated hundreds and thousands of times.

Which is why I’m starting to think that perhaps “boring” is the wrong word altogether and perhaps boring needs a glow-up, or a re-brand?! Maybe we should be pushing ‘boremaxxing’ as the next big trend? Given we’ve had everything else ‘maxxing.

What we often call boring might actually be contentment, ease, peace. The ability to be more present, to find an internal compass of happiness, rather than an external one. To stop searching for the next thing long enough to enjoy the thing that’s already here. The ability to have an ordinary Tuesday and not feel like it needs improving, optimising or broadcasting.

And to me this is all really important because I want us all to feel good in ourselves, to stop comparing ourselves to others, to feel settled and comfortable in who we really are. I think that’s actually a very important part of genuine health, that sense of ease that allows us to be a little more balanced. I’ve lived with it, I’ve lived without it, and I’m certainly infinitely happier with that innate balance. That sense of self-acceptance also makes healthy habits so much easier, you’re no longer constantly fighting against yourself, because you innately want to love and look after yourself.

What do you think? Would love to get your thoughts on this.

And on that note, here are my 6 ‘boring’ things that I’m loving and have helped my health recently

1. Simple recipes, repeated. Yes I still try and get my 30 plants each week, but yes I also cook the same things week in, week out. This week it’s obviously been very rainy so it’s been slow roasted tomato soup (I find roasted cherry tomatoes best for this, such intense flavour) and cosy, lemony, brothy leek, shallot and orzo bowls. I’ve popped a rough recipe for those brothy orzo bowls below.

2. Daily meditation, Obsessed with The Way app at the moment. I’ve got Matt doing it every day too and he’s seeing such a huge impact, which is making me so happy. He also went through an intense burnout and this has been a massive help.

3. Facemasks for evening wind-downs, the biodance ones that I recommended a while ago are so good. They’re such good value and I just love the evening ritual of it.

4. I love getting into bed nice and early with a cup of ginger tea, a facemask and a great movie. We watched the new J Lo one on Netflix, Office Romance, this week. I mean it’s terrible, but it’s great terrible, just the kind of cheesy romcom we all need sometimes.

5. Being consistent with my turmeric shots, still make these once a week, then adding a little vitamin C to them at the moment as have been fighting a cold (I use mighty kids one, I find it so good for shortening a cold), Symprove probiotics and omega 3 (I like Bare Biology).

6. Drinking water!! Not drinking water is my worst worst habit, I’m like a camel, I’ll go so long without a drink, and feel terrible for it. But I’m committed to changing this! I find having a batch of ginger tea on the go – just chopped boiled ginger in a pan of water – really helps. I add lemon and honey and have so many cups each day.

Otherwise, that’s it for today! Meditation/breathwork links and the brothy recipe below

Have a great weekend everyone,

Ella x