My lowest mileage year ever?

When I wrote my last post, back in January, I didn’t expect it to be three months before I clicked publish again. Then a lot of life happened, winter became spring, I kept pausing paid subscriptions and now - here we are. The fifth month of the year already.

My last two posts before the break involved me big time struggling on an 8-mile run around Buttermere and wanting to just stay in and eat biscuits. This was pretty much how the first few months of the year looked because I was very much in the throes of the first trimester.

Yep, we’re having a baby!

Why is it that announcing big news always feels a bit awkward? Our delivery has been spectacularly bad across the board to be honest, despite it being something we’re very excited and happy about.

We told the man in DFS before any of our friends and family.

“Just the two of you at home?” he asked, as we all lounged on our chosen sofa, just days after the positive test. Our slightly-too-long pause gave the game away. Isaac actually knew the DFS man from college, so at least we hadn’t shared this moment with a complete stranger - except when we left the shop, I realised I’d been calling him the wrong name the entire time.

We do have a really comfy new sofa now though.

We took Isaac’s mum completely by surprise, announcing it standing on her doorstep when she’d just woken up from a nap. And apparently I was talking so fast when we told my parents that Isaac thought he might have to interrupt and translate. The best one was out for mezze with a group of Isaac’s friends, who I thought he’d told earlier that day, and I ended up dropping us in it telling a casual story about having spent £100+ stocking up on my favourite Torq energy gels which I probably wouldn’t use before their best before now. Cue lots of surprised faces.

I’ve found choosing the right phrase hard. I find “we’re expecting” a bit cringey. I don’t like “I’m pregnant” because it takes Isaac out of the equation but I really hate “we’re pregnant” as it’s just fundamentally untrue. Isaac’s great and all but he’s not the one with the extreme tiredness, sore boobs, random nosebleeds, inability to do up his trousers…

So I’ve settled on “we’re having a baby” because that feels the most true. A baby will exist, which will be both of ours. Even if only one of us has to do the painful bit to get it here.

Although, to be fair, it’s not been plain sailing for anybody. I’ve cried about the colour of the curtains more times than I’d like to admit, which probably hasn’t been that fun to live with, and I’m very much choosing to blame the pregnancy hormones for that. Otherwise I do just sound unhinged. They’re not even that bad a colour.

We’re at the halfway point now, with the baby arriving some time in September all being well.

So far, the main things we’ve done to prepare are work out how my self-employed maternity leave will work, signed up to an antenatal class and bought a secondhand copy of Joe Wicks’s Wean in 15 from a charity shop.

I’ve found trying to get my head around preparing quite overwhelming. The only thing I can compare it to is how I felt before I set off on my 5,000 mile coast run (more than 10 years ago now! and yes I’m still bringing it up, sorry). I knew there were so many things I could and should have been doing to prepare. Maps to study, training runs to go on, kit to test, schedules to create, physiology to learn about…

But I think I also knew, deep down, that a challenge so big is impossible to prepare for. I had no idea how I’d really feel once I got started, what the conditions would be like, how far I’d be able to run each day, which “essential” kit would end up at the bottom of my pack untouched. And knowing all these variables, I didn’t want to come up with too rigid a plan which I’d never be able to stick to, and end up feeling disappointed. Better to figure it out along the way, I concluded.

That’s pretty much how I feel about this upcoming “adventure”. We’ve been going to the classes and listening to some podcasts and filtering advice from friends and family (with some big pinches of salt) but, really, how can you prepare for something that will so completely alter your life, involving a tiny person who hasn’t even finished growing their teeth yet? Especially when so much of the very well-meaning advice you get is completely contradictory.

A futile task, I say.

Instead, we’re mostly trying to focus on the bits we’re excited about. Isaac can’t wait until they’re old enough for a balance bike and I’m already dusting off all my favourite books from my childhood - Dogger, Six Dinner Sid, Old Bear, The Jolly Postman…

There’s no denying that this is going to be a big change though. Of course, that’s true for absolutely everybody, regardless of your lifestyle beforehand. But having been quite nomadic and often strived for zero commitments - starting a family really does feel like a very big change. I remember writing about what a big deal buying a washing machine felt like a few years ago, and now a whole human being is going to be relying on me? Madness.

It’s nice to be back writing again. I don’t intend for this to become purely a pregnancy and baby newsletter, but as it’s the main thing happening in my life right now you can probably expect a bit of that. My plan is to get back to weekly posts and I hope I’ll still have some running and adventure stuff to write about over the next few months, just maybe on the shorter/slower/gentler end of the scale. I’ve been trying to stay active and keep moving, although work, DIY and obligatory daily naps have somewhat gotten in the way.

This is definitely going to be my lowest mileage year since I started running 13 years ago. But honestly? Everything they’ve taught us in antenatal class so far has made labour sound a lot like running an ultra, so I’m hoping all that practice might come in handy…