This is a little story about my journey to the Underworld and what I did to rise from the ashes.
But first, before I get into all the things I did and the tools I used, let’s go back in time for a moment.
In June 2023, I started my podcast ‘Goddess-Up your Life’.
My vision for it has always been to uplift women and talk about becoming bold and self-confident, and expressing who you truly are - unapologetically.
Funny thing is, shortly after starting my podcast, I was hit by the biggest identity crisis of my life, followed by several years of intense Soul-searching, with countless cycles of Ego deaths & rebirth. No wonder, because in my Natal Chart, Pluto (the planet of transformation) had been transiting my Ascendant back and forth for years (the placement that determines how you show up in the world).
It was an endless transition from one version of myself to the next. In my mind, I finally wanted to lock in, but in my heart I knew that I wasn’t done evolving yet (and spoiler alert: we never are). As soon as I thought that I’d finally settled into a new version of myself, another crisis hit me, so that I had to take a break, reassess, realign, and reinvent myself once more.
But sh*t really hit the fan in 2024, when I almost lost both of my parents to sudden, severe, and prolonged illness. My mom almost didn’t make it due to a major heart attack and had to spend weeks in the ICU, followed by months in rehabilitation centers. And only when things started to look better, I had to rush my dad to the hospital because he was fainting due to severe blood loss from internal bleeding in his abdomen. It was a very traumatic, uncertain, slow, and draining journey back to health for the entire family.
Needless to say, it was a lot, and I hit rock bottom because it affected my well-being at every level.
Nobody prepares you for moments like these.
I suffered from emotional overload.
Mental exhaustion.
And eventually, physical health issues resulting from all that stress.
I also got spiritually challenged because my faith and every belief I'd ever had in a higher power were tested in many ways.
This was the ultimate trial for me to see if I actually practice what I’d been preaching all those years about ‘keeping a good mindset when things get tough’, or ‘trusting that everything happens for a reason’, or even asking myself, ‘Will I stick to my self-care schedule even when I don’t feel like doing anything?’
When things started to look a little lighter at the end of 2024, I felt the urge to recklessly erase all of the darkness in the past and start over, and I let the urge take over.
I literally ghosted more than 12 K followers overnight when I decided to pause my main Instagram account indefinitely.
Back then, I thought that burning it all down would help me make a clear cut and leave the dark times behind me.
Reflecting on it now, I realize that I was veiling myself - literally hiding myself from the world and not wanting to be seen in a state where I didn’t feel my best. So I disappeared and started a new account to help me feel like I had a fresh start. And in the beginning, it felt amazing and liberating. But after a while, even when I occasionally showed up on that new account, I didn’t really feel it.
I stopped posting regularly.
I put my coaching business on hold.
I felt drained and uninspired.
And that’s when I realized: You cannot see clearly in muddy waters. You need to let the dust settle before you can start focusing again.
And I needed a little more time to heal in limbo from my involuntary trip to the Underworld. The kind that brings you to your knees and strips you of everything you thought you were.
I was called to be quiet so I could finally hear myself again.
I understood that I was desperate to burn it all down to know exactly what I wanted to build back up again.
I can tell you, it was an utterly exhausting, but also very revealing time for me. Because with each identity-death, I peeled back yet another layer of who I thought I should be, or thought I wanted to be.
But going through all this was a necessary part of my journey, and I won’t pretend that it was easy ~ because it wasn’t.
And eventually, it brought me back here today ~ stronger and wiser, and even more focused on what’s truly important to me. And I’ve learned insanely much from all these experiences because I was stripped down to my bare truth - over and over again - and what I found wasn’t at all what I expected.
I found the real me.
Without extra layers.
Without masks.
Without any need to pretend - let alone the strength to do so anymore.
Raw and vulnerable.
I was finally seeing what’s truly important in my life.
And yet again, I realized that all the mindset and self-regulation tools I’ve learned over the past few years mean nothing if you don’t integrate them.
And that ultimate realization was so beautiful.
To Goddess-Up your Life means becoming more of yourself, remembering WHO you truly are at the core, and not becoming someone else or act as someone who you think you should be.
Your next version is just a deeper layer of yourself that you peel back and fully let yourself melt into.
There’s no effort.
No ‘stepping’ into.
No over-extending yourself, or reaching, or struggling.
No pretending.
Just surrendering, melting, and softening into who you are.
And embodying whatever feels true to you.
That ‘softening into yourself’ is the Divine Feminine principle in itself.
It’s homecoming.
The way of living your life as a Goddess would be.
A Goddess would never make herself small.
She would never pretend to be someone she’s not.
She devotes herself to her own evolution and becoming without clinging to the past.
She rides the waves of life ~ the highs and the lows ~ while giving herself grace.
And she practices life in a way that is conscious, supportive of her wellbeing and health, and in a way that gives her energy rather than depletes her, that soothes her nervous system, calms her mind, and strengthens her faith.
And in my darkest moments, I did some simple things and practices to find the way back home to myself again.
While I was going through it, I only had one condition: my practices shouldn’t take any more effort than necessary. I hardly had any extra energy to spend, so I focused on easy and simple practices that I could repeat daily without having to think, plan, or strategize.
BODY
✦ I focused on healing my nervous system with daily somatic practices. Soft, gentle movements like letting my knees sway from left to right while lying on my back, or practicing soothing touch like Havening or Butterfly Taps. These were all easy 5-minute practices that I could even do in bed.
✦ Self-care and more self-care. And by that, I don’t mean any over-the-top 10-step nighttime beauty routine, but I would pick one simple thing that would make me feel good or connected with my body, like taking a long, hot bath in water with Epsom salt. Or making sure that I would eat without having to cook by getting ready-to-eat food from high-quality sources.
MIND
✦ Therapy. Talking about everything with a professional truly helped to release some mental load and learn to see things from a different perspective. I don’t think therapy is better than somatic practices or shadow work, but I think it’s a perfect complementary addition to approach trauma holistically.
✦ Reading books. And I don’t mean any more self-help books, but fiction. Captivating stories, heart-warming romances, and mind-boggling plot twists. To me, reading was a perfect thing to do as it didn’t take much effort and allowed my mind to wander to happy places for a little while without giving me the feeling of escape from my current situation.
SOUL
✦ Connecting with nature. Sounds simple, and it is. To me, connecting with nature is one of the easiest ways to connect with myself, my soul, and the divine. I took daily long walks during sunrise and picked flowers. I started learning about herbalism and even enrolled in a course to deepen my knowledge. And I spent a lot of time stargazing at night, looking up into the sky and letting my gaze drift into the vastness of the cosmos.
✦ Spending time with my loved ones. This one is kind of self-explanatory. Because of everything my family went through, I feel even closer to my loved ones now. Every moment we get to spend together is truly a gift, and nothing is for granted. Consciously spending time with your loved ones can be a healing and soul-soothing experience.
Now, it’s time to finally wipe off the dust and the ashes from my trip to the Underworld once and for all.
In the meantime, I have also revived my original Instagram account @elaine_valerie, and I’m looking forward to sharing so much more with you: Stories, wisdom, practices, and a reignited spark for everything I am here to create.
Love,
Elaine Valerie
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