Stuff That Hits the Joy Buzzer

Hello Thugs of Love and other emotional outlaws. It’s been awhile since I wrote anything new; in fact I turned off my Substack billing for a few days as I believed I might never have anything else to say. Geez, E, dramatic much? I turned it back on because when I do see those little Stripe payments, it does give me a much needed boost. So thank you to all who have decided to throw some cash my way, I know life has gotten more expensive on all fronts so your generosity is most meaningful. And I recognized that not every post has to be lengthy or profound or Shakespearean or even readable, right?

Also thank you to those who liked and commented on my last post about Tony, the soldier I met while working on the plane in 2013. I never considered posting it as I wrote it for a local theater company to perform at a student show and one of the teachers was quite adamant that she didn’t “feel the connection” between the two of us. I forget what her suggestions were to make it more authentic as I rejected all of them, unsure of what I had done wrong. I wrote the piece exactly as it happened, how could it be inauthentic? I continued to think that piece was a lemon for the last 13 years but my aunt asked about it AND it was Memorial Day, so I took a chance and posted it. Your comments were so thoughtful and kind. My takeaway is damn, I can hold on to bad feelings for a long ass time and perhaps if you don’t have anything kind to say, then kindly STFU. *bangs gavel*

Moving on, I’ve been taking a break from Parkinson’s to concentrate on being hearing impaired! (jk there are no PD breaks, every day is combat in my brain) I have suffered from tinnitus (ear ringing) for many years, presumably from hearing loss due to airplane noise. Did you know that when those little ear hair cells and/or auditory nerves get damaged to the point of hearing impairment that your brain decides that not getting all of the auditory information available is not acceptable so it decides to ring/screech/whoosh/click to replace what’s missing? Did you also know that hearing loss can put you on the fast track to dementia? UGH. EARS ARE SO LAME.

As my brain is already a hot mess, I am trying out hearing aids that are dual-purpose. They amplify the external audio and they play fractal tones to give my brain something to focus on besides making high pitched sound. The tones are similar to wind chimes; the fractal element ensures that they do not repeat patterns so your brain continues to stay amused. The whole process takes about a year to deprogram and reprogram your noodle and fool it into not focusing on the tinnitus.

In more brain news, I am slowly seeing signs of progress with the DBS. I am beginning to put my toe back in the waters of multi-tasking. I’m gaining back my ability to read and concentrate to some degree. The audiologist mentioned that my brain is working extra hard to work around my hearing loss/tinnitus with lip reading and figuring out words based on the context of the conversation. Hopefully the hearing aids might provide my weary brain a goddamn break already. (Oh brain, why such a sad tomato?)

All of the above has been a lot so I have been pretty lowkey of late. Spending a majority of my time being quiet. The news is putrid and I’m walking with a limp these days due to some hip impingement and I’m turning 60 in August and I’m officially not psyched about it. At all.

HOWEVER.

I have been documenting bits of joy as that’s how we carry on. Sharing in case any of them resonate.

1. My web searches are so ridiculous. I recently Googled “punk rock shawl” and “senior living for misfits.” (btw, the latter had some decent results)

2. There are day care centers near my physical therapy office where I can maniacally wave at toddlers. They usually wave back and it is pure gold.

   

3. My sweet buddy Brandon who took me to the audiologist turned me on to his favorite family-owned Italian grocery store not far from here, Freddy’s Pizza. Cash only, tiny but PACKED with good people, good smells, good food. The Italian staff greeted Brandon like he was Norm on “Cheers.” We shared some rigatoni with sausage and peas on top of my chicken marsala. Of course, we had have dessert…while going in to get a Lemon Italian ice and a Butter Pecan gelato, Brandon assisted a mom by lifting her baby in a stroller over the door threshold. He’s naturally a helper. It was a very good day.

4. My housemate and I bought TWENTY boxes of Outshine bars to kick off summer. They were on sale! We saved $50 between the two of us.

   

5. I see this every time I come in my house. #powerfulwomen

   

6. Anyone missing a sock?

   

7. Widow’s Bay on Apple TV. Was not at all interested at first as horror is not my jam. Tuned in last night after hearing good buzz. It is HYSTERICAL. Who knew comic horror was a thing? Matthew Rhys is chef’s kiss, no notes, pure perfection as the mayor of a cursed coastal town. I had only known him from The Americans, also brilliant with his bad ass real life lady, Keri Russell. YES, PLEASE. (As with all things, YMMV)

8. Lastly, my traveling friend Karla recently stopped and snapped this pic on Hollywood Boulevard.

   

I’m mostly not working this summer, but I’ll let you know if I’m in your neighborhood. I can show off my latest assistive devices. DM me if you want a LOVE THUG button and I will mail you one. Every day is a fucking test of our resolve, but I have to believe we got this.