Saying 'Yes, and...' as an alternative resolution

This year will be Different. Better. Easier.

The energetic shift from December to January propels us to say such things.

We're primed to imagine transformation at the start of the year. But if the passing year ended with a feeling of disappointment, then notice how that colors the yearning for change.

My desire to make it different, better, easier has repeatedly been driven by my dissatisfaction with the past year's outcome. Why dissatisfied? Many reasons. And I'm practiced at keeping the list and comparing my outcomes to others!

While dissatisfaction is understandable as motivation to change, maybe even inevitable, I'm trying on a new framing for 'why change?' in 2025.

By framing I mean how I imagine myself to be now, considering what is to be transformed. In other words, what am I already? And how have I been relating to the parts that I've been telling myself I want to be different?

Am I a failure?

Or, more gently, am I not yet successful?

Roughly, am I stupid for not already creating an easier business?

Resignedly, am I tired of trying to make it different?

I'm also practiced at this kind of self-critical framing. Such criticism colors my understanding of myself and outcomes. In fact, it discolors. I want to try something else now.

In my experience, yearnings for change that are motivated by a self-critical framing are insatiable. In other words, the yearning and criticism persists even after desired outcomes are realized.

When a billionaire described to me being envious of another's kitchen, I recognized the feeling of being not yet successful. This motivated him insatiably. He asked a great deal of others. He critically asked even more of himself. This year will be better. This year he'll get what he's wanting!

As for me, I'm trying on something besides motivation borne of self-criticism.

I've been observing an athlete on the cusp of going pro. There's little margin for error. After a couple bad days, their self-confidence plummeted. Did the coach notice? He did.

Then the coach made a change. Then doubt flooded in and the athlete's performance dropped further. Then a polite coach's goodbye and a sad ticket home.

Am I a failure?

I'd have asked this of myself were it me on the field. But this young athlete did something else:

They assessed the prior year's progress and acknowledged the goals that had been achieved. Many!

They reviewed the gains (progressive improvement in weight, strength, endurance, technique) to be added if they were to earn a position on the pro team.

And then, wise beyond years, the young athlete reflected on two pivotal questions:

1. Is this 'going pro' outcome what I really want?

2. What am I without it?

I like the return to values as a source of motivation. What outcomes do I most value? Really, really — deep down inside — do I want what I've been saying I want?

Do you?

I also like the athlete's emphasis on being. By being I mean considering what you are now — before achieving, or without achieving, anything more.

What are you today, in January, that feels good, that feels worthy of being, before anything else changes?

So in the spirit of sporting playfulness, and encouraged by this example, here's my experiment for the new year:

As I imagine making things different, better, easier, first I will frame the past year — my past many years — in terms of what I've already grown into being. I want to appreciate what I am, and what my business already accomplishes and provides.

Then as I look ahead to the new year, I want to frame my transformational aspiration as an addition rather than a critical negation. The change I'm seeking is not to tear down what I am, nor criticize the businesses I've created. Instead the change I'm seeking will be to realize a progressive gain, an adding to, an adding on.

I want to say to myself and my business: Yes, and...