Where do Geese Fly at Night?

Hello! Thanks for your patience as I swirled around in the waters of show deadlines for the last month. I am finally back in my studio which past me did a pretty good job of cleaning after I returned from delivering my paintings to the gallery. I am always grateful for when she does thoughtful shit like that. Note to self.

We just returned from our week long trip to Portland where we got to see the opening for my show at Chefas Projects, it was so much fun. I am currently getting texts from my sister that we would be returning from our walk about now, and we both agree we wish we were still taking pictures of all the wonderful front yard gardens that everyone has in Portland. We were dying over all the flowers and veggies and trees and I have a renewed excitement for gardening in my own front yard.

We drove up to Portland as a crew, Me, Dave, Ashley and my mom and both Trudi and Fernie- a full car! It was very National Lampoons Vacation vibes, but definitely more mellow since each of the people involved are the most fun to adventure with. Trudi and Fernie just sleep because they are senior dogs and we weren’t in a rush so we could take plenty of stops for snacks and pee breaks. We stopped at Rogue River for a dip halfway, spent each day starting with a long walk, chose about 2-3 activities we wanted to do, visited the columbia river, lounged in the backyard in the sunshine- it was a dream. Portland is the best place for good food, good bevs and fun hikes and walks.

The opening was on Friday and I got to meet so many wonderful people who took time out of their day to come to the show, to say hi, to view art and it was so fun. The act of sharing my work is a large part of the process for me. Not everyone cares about that in relation to their work, but for me, I do. I want people to see what I made, to hear what it made people think about. Stephanie who owns Chefas Projects did a write up for the show and reading her words about what she sees in my work was like one of the most beautiful things. You can read it here if you like. There’s always something to learn about what I am exploring in my work when I get to hear what other people see and think. It’s such a refreshing and beautiful exchange!

These were all paintings that I made centered around the same ideas I am always rifling through, spirituality, awe, memory, dream, awakeness, aliveness and death. I started viewing animals as portals or symbols of our connection to the universe at large even more after my dad died. I had a close encounter with a Mountain lion this past winter, I see seals and sealions when I swim, dolphins when I pilot swims, my mom and I have had some long stare downs with bucks as we drove on our property up in gold country. Theres a family of geese that stay at our cabin each spring, my dad was obsessed with them and when they returned this year it felt like he did too. Each of these moments, these encounters carry more weight for me now when I recall them, they are like encounters with the sublime, with something greater than myself. Not God, because I am not religious, but infinite curiosity and wonder. So the work I made for this touches on that, but because I am me, it also brings in some humor, fun color combinations, some apocalyptic comets and personal mythologies like swamp monsters. Wonder doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it happens alongside all the other mundane, strange and funny things and I wanted to play with that.

The thing about sharing work is that, for me at least, I don’t really, truly know what I am exploring in my work until I see it all together and have space away from it. Like I of course have an idea and intentions but I have made work and have had it fall flatter than I hoped, or not be quite doing what I intended. When I dropped these paintings off at the gallery, I felt like there were some cool things happening for sure, but I didn’t know if I liked each painting or that each painting connected with the other or what the overall feeling would be of them together. That’s part of the mystery and the process. Getting to show work feels like such a gift for that reason, I don’t always get the chance to see work like that, hanging all together in a conversation, and getting to was just such a celebration for me.

At the start of the year I always sit down on my birthday and think about what things I want for the year ahead, what do I want more of and less of. This year I decided that I wanted more paint, more big works and perhaps a show. When Stephanie from Chefas Projects emailed me in February about doing a show in the smaller gallery space it felt like it aligned with those goals so much, I had to say yes. I hadn’t really made personal work since my dad got sick and the idea of doing it felt daunting but I knew I wanted to and that I would regret not saying yes, no matter how overwhelmed I felt. The overwhelm I think was just from the idea of doing something that felt really big and exciting- even if it was exactly what I said I wanted- the fact that I was being asked to do the thing I wanted was almost alarming and the instinct to say no and self sabotage was strong.

I said yes to the show and I started mapping out what work I already had (almost none) and what work I wanted to make. I did a lot of drawing and hunting through old sketchbooks, I actually had two other paintings that I worked on and decided I didn’t think they were doing what I thought they were doing so I didn’t include them.

I landed on 6 pieces that felt strong to me, but again, its like an intuition thing, by the time I finish a painting or a series of paintings I can’t really see them clearly anymore. I am relieved they are done, there is so much more work to do after finishing them that I can only really think about doing that- photographing them, cleaning the edges, wrapping and transporting to name a few. So it’s a bit of a leap of faith and also trusting myself that I have good instincts when it comes to making art I love.

I share all of this to just give you a big ole hug if you are an artist and preparing for a show. It’s hard, there are so many stages, steps and moments of trusting yourself and the process. Lots of times we only hear about the end, when the work is finished and hanging in that beautiful space. So much of the work depends on that messy corner of your room, on your chaotic sketchbook, your dirty little scroungy brushes and those endless hours of baseball on the radio, late nights and sparkling water. The end result of the show and the conversations we get to have are a part of the process but they don’t get to happen if we don’t sit in the discomfort and strangeness of allowing ourselves to make them in the first place.

My conversation with myself once I started making these paintings was that I wanted to focus on enjoying being in the unknown and in the mess of making them. It’s really easy for me to focus on the next thing and the next thing- but taking a beat and appreciating this thing that was right in front of me, the problems I needed to solve within each painting, the questions I had- I mean that’s the goal! The act of painting! To get to do that is just wildly wonderful thing. So I failed a lot at that, but I tried more than I ever have to be present with the process of making them and I think that was a pretty cool thing.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone who came, for the cards, the lovely conversations, for taking the time. And special thanks to Dave for always encouraging me to take over our home like an aggressive moss, covering each surface with paintings, drawings and scraps of ideas. It was a lot of fun and after a week of rest I am back to working on custom works and client works which I feel reinvigorated about.

The show is up until August 22nd, let me know if you go see it! You can read about it and if you scroll down you can view the paintings as well- check it out here.

You can check out the incredible works of Jessie Weitzel Le Grand that are in the main space- so beautiful and intricate and full of texture and joy- check her work out here.

Talk to you all soon!

Warmly,

Lindsay