This flash essay is part of a collaborative, constrained-writing challenge undertaken by some members of the Bangalore Substack Writers Group. This month, we used the prompt, ‘What’s keeping you afloat in a turbulent world?”’. At the bottom of this snippet, you’ll find links to other essays by fellow writers.
The other morning, I was slipping into one of my moods. Had a disturbed sleep the night before. Somehow, there was no running water in one of the kitchen sinks. The fridge was out of vegetables. So, between the utensils, breakfast, grocery ordering, taking out the garbage etc - it took about 1.5 hours since getting out of bed before I could get to my normal routine. And that was throwing me off.
Thankfully, recognised the slide and handled it early. Starting with the reminder to self about “No Drama”. Announced to L that I’d need some time by myself. Spent 40 mins just reading the next chapter from the book - Bird by Bird.
And I was back!
Often enough though, it’s not very clear on what’s throwing me off. Sometimes it’s internal, sometimes environmental. Often, a mix of both. The headlines these days do not help.
When I am walking around with a heavy or anxious head, I like taking this brain-dump: just writing down the full list of each and every little thing that I have going through my head.
From that “call that I need to make in the evening” to “what the hell am I doing with my life” feeling.
Doing this has a weirdly calming effect on me. Perhaps a sense of relief that it’s all out there on paper. And with that safety of not losing these thoughts, I stop thinking about them in a loop.
Over the last 3 years - and also reaching further back from my older writings - I’ve been paying closer attention to when I crash and what precedes it. That helps avoiding some of the familiar spirals. Ultimately, I believe this self-knowledge is the structural scaffolding that holds me from crashing down more often.
Some of it is simply knowing my triggers and building around them. Sensationalist headlines are one - like the ones from certain media houses. So are Whatsapp conversations before 10 in the morning, or too many social commitments. And so I work around these. Nothing dramatic - a physical newsletter instead of a feed, deliberately slow mornings, time for a daily-ish walk / run. Basically, a routine woven around what I know drains me and what brings me joy.
Like any habit, this followed the effort curve. It took some effort initially. But after a while, it’s just become a second nature - how I move through the day.
I kept the other kind of notes too - what actually helped, and when. An hour long walk on a non-routine path usually resets me. Sometimes just announcing my need for a bit of me-time. And then reading a book or creating some cartoons or writing. Or just watching birds and squirrels on the tree outside the window through my binoculars. And I am back!
This is a continuous exercise, mapping the failure modes and corresponding responses. But after a while, I have started to surprise myself less often. Patterns have become familiar.
Now I know, for instance, that not having written or built anything for a long stretch makes me irritable. But recognising it took a while.
Over time, this self-mapping habit has helped me create my own playbook of sorts, that I actually refer to.
“Feeling un-moored? Maybe try finishing anything in next 15 minutes - how about cleaning the bathroom?”
“Feeling frustrated? First of all, remember - No Drama”
“Getting overwhelmed by a sense of lack of control? Check if anything on the plate is a totally voluntary commitment.”
And so on.
The system has been working for a while now. It’s not perfect. It’s also extremely boring. Structural scaffolding usually are.
Also check out other essays / stories by fellow Bangalore Substackers on the same topic:
The small pleasures and blessings of life by Rakhi Kurup, Rakhi’s Substack
Some mornings I want to fix the world by Shruti Soumya, Same Here
Drink your tea by Amit Charles, ac notes
Water, water everywhere by Shwetha Harsha , ChutneyMIx
What’s keeping me afloat in this turbulent world? By Ritika Arora, Not a Straight Line
Gardens, Parks and Scrambled Thoughts by Ameya, Always Ameya
What’s keeping me afloat in a turbulent world? By Divya Sivaram, Beta Brain
A Black Tote Bag By Spandana, Spandana’s Substack
What keeps me afloat: A list, By Shruthi, Will you be my Friend?
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