Are you ready to begin changing the way you wardrobe?
The first, most important thing you can do is separate shopping from buying.
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Source: Hotels.com
There’s no reason they must be the same thing.
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(Source: The Week Daily)
You might say, ‘But it’s convenient to do both at once.’
What is more convenient: buying things you never wear or having a wardrobe of clothes you love and actually wear?
You might say, ‘If I find a pair of black trousers, I should just buy them because I need black trousers.’
You may need black trousers but will the the black trousers you’re holding be best for your wardrobe? For you? Will they last many years and still be relevant? Will they soon need to be replaced? Are they beautiful and wonderful and just somehow perfect?
You’re discovering: your style. And you’re learning to build a wardrobe of clothes you love and want to wear. If you don’t already have that, and, if you want it, it’s time to try something different. I’m offering something different that works!
When we conflate shopping and buying, we’re so often telling ourselves, I must get a dress today. So we buy a dress… that will do. We get it home and, like Elaine in that episode of Seinfeld, discover it’s so much not the dress we hoped it might be. We wear it once, or maybe a few times, then consign it to “that place” in the closet or under the bed and never wear it again.
That’s not wardrobe building. That’s continuing to buy things that are not right. Things that are often never worn or are soon never worn again. The end result is many clothes but not much to wear.
On the other hand, shopping, but not buying allows you to conduct fact finding missions. It’s a chance to learn. And compare. And discover the possibilities. And decide what’s best for you; what will work in your wardrobe, in your life. And what will make you happy.
So plan shopping (not buying) excursions.
Before you go shopping, eat enough at breakfast or lunch so that you’re not hungry. Hunger causes us to experience everything through deprivation.1 You want to experience possibilities! Wonders!
Dress pulled together casual2 and go to the most expensive shop in your area.3 (You’ll be fine. Just do it. If necessary, do it scared. And bring a friend along.)
For many women, this will be a shop you have never entered before so take a deep breath and tell yourself, ‘I’m here to learn not look at the prices.’ Then boldly go forth.
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Maxfield Los Angeles (Time Out)
Go to the floors with extremely expensive women’s clothing.4 Wander about. Look at everything. Enjoy the scent of new clothes. When you find yourself attracted to a particular rack, touch some of the fabrics.
Remember, don’t look at the price tags.5 And don’t worry about size.6
How does the fabric feel under your fingers? Against the back of your hand? Imagine how it might feel if you were wearing it.7 Continue to touch fabrics that attract you. Enjoy the depth of colour. Enjoy all the little details that come to your eye.
This is the beginning of experiencing quality. Quality is a foundational component of a beautiful wardrobe that lasts, that looks and feels beautiful for a long time.
A wardrobe you love should be a wardrobe of high-quality clothes!
(Keep repeating that until
"wardrobe you love" & "high-quality" are synonymous!)When your senses are tired, thank the sales associate by name, tell them you need to see other possibilities/things, but that you’ll be back. Then leave but take the memory with you.
If you don’t have much experience of quality fabrics, make many similar excursions and let yourself learn.
I rarely eat breakfast, but if I’m going shopping, I have a piece of toast with my morning chocolate. Don’t eat so much that you’re uncomfortable, but enough so you don’t feel deprived.
Pulled together casual might be jeans/skirt/trousers, a pressed shirt, a jacket (if the weather is cool or if, like me, you suffer from air conditioned environments, or if you just love jackets; a jeans jacket is fine). Wear clean sneakers/trainers/etc., boots, loafers, or other comfortable shoes that haven’t reached the point of being consigned to slipper duty. Neat, well cared for, but relaxed = pulled together casual.
Also, this is not necessarily your style, It’s just, for many reasons, a good outfit to wear when shopping in the most expensive shops in your area.
Bloomingdales is at the lower level of the shops I’m thinking of Neiman Marcus is at an upper level. Bergdorf’s in NYC or Maxfield in Los Angeles are at the most upper echelons. Shops similar to any of these are where you should go for your first shopping, but not buying, excursion.
One way to know you’ve arrived at the desired floor is that well attired assistants will ask if they might start a dressing room for you. Respond: ‘Not at the moment, but thank you.* I need to look first. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.’ They will then answer, ‘Is there anything I can show you?’ (Or something similar.) Repeat, ‘No, but thank you.* Then ask, ‘What is your name?’ Use the shop associate’s name and reply ‘Thank you, Jane, when I’ve looked around for a bit, I‘ll have a better idea.’ You might need to respond to a few more questions/offers to help, just remember to be polite, say no first followed by some form of thank you (I often use, ‘That’s so kind of you’ or ‘I really appreciate your offers to help but I really need to look first,’ etc.) Remember, helping you is their responsibility and their livelihood.
*Saying ‘no’ before thanking them is very wise. Often people hear ‘thank you’ as ‘yes.’
It’s vital that you not look at the price tags. Prices bring up all sorts of feelings: shock, anger, fear, shame, hopelessness. Remember, you’re not buying, you’re learning and these are the best instruction tools available.
Size is more difficult than price for many women. But for this trip, size doesn’t matter so don’t look at it. Soon, you’ll learn more about size than you ever imagined!
You will not like the feel of every fabric. There is no reason why your should. Just move on.
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