I have an inner debate. I don't know if most of the time I'm doing nothing or hyperfocused on something. I lack knowledge of almost everything I do, still I ...
Since I can remember, from February to April, the mountains of wide regions of North Spain are set on fire, year after year "as it has always been done". When you live in the city you don't understand these fires, they are on TV and you get nothing about the context, you wish they will be extinguished soon and feel sorry about the nature and the villages. People from cities that are closer to the…
The life story of one of my sisters is the most radical one I know. She was extremely clever at school, always had the best grades. Sometimes she would ask me to do my homework, since I was barely coping; she really enjoyed studying. She loved pranks, jokes, she was most of the time very happy. She made me angry many times, but she was a good kid. One of those who are surrounded by friends. She…
I'm feeling good today. Yesterday I read a short book, called 'the art of practice' by Laido Dittmar, and even when the main lesson is condensed in just 5 pages, something just did the click for me. My mind is very powerful. I tend to forget when I'm feeling down and trapped that I might have the ability to change that. I really dislike the self-healing speech, self-help books, the motivators, all…
During decades I had this plan to have a house in the mountains. When I was very young I had very rough years, barely had enough to survive myself and feed my dogs, but I never drop the dream of having a house in north Spain. Many years later, after having a partner, better jobs, having kids and all that (all that includes I sold my motorbike which was very sad cause it was a Ducati Monster which…
He is a great guy, he is my same age and he has never attempted to impose his thoughts or ways into my work. He senses my discouragement and he is trying to be more into what I'm doing these days. I hate that. He knows I hate that. But he has to do it, and he is right, so I don't let myself go into a downward spiral. He has a better opinion about myself than I got, he has praised me in the past,…
I had a hard way forgetting about a person. He was a dear friend of mine. It was painful to reach the point where I concluded that the only next possible step was to forget. And I did by a mix of avoiding thoughts, trying not to re-visit memories, and changing the subject in my mind. That conscious battle in first line does not get done much, but the time does the rest. Sharp corners get rounded…
Do families still make any sense when kids are grown up? Seems to me like many families develop as projects. The little ones give sense to the adult ones. Is a family with not-kids-anymore like a software development project with not-product-anymore? Seems to me like it is the case. When kids are not longer at home, do we make sense anymore?since I agreed with myself that I'm not important, what…
Sometimes at the office colleagues of mine talk about their kids in a way that disturbs me a lot. They seem to please themselves into complaining about anything their child do when it comes to eating, sleeping, dressing, etc. One of them is specially sharp when talking about his two kids, and while I believe he might be a good father for them and actually love them, why does he talk like that all…
There is something I was never able to do: I cannot work while I listen music. The attention I pay to music is very focused, and if I like what I'm listening I'm going deep on it. I count the metric, I pay a lot of attention to drum parts and bass lines, however I do not enjoy solos of any kind. Music never worked for me as background, and if I don't like it gets me super annoyed because I cannot…
When I was very young I had a feeling I have missed a chapter everyone else had (had? saw? I don't know how to put this in English) and this was the reason I just did not fit in. I think we humans are believers by nature; we create all these fictions and we truly love believing them. In my case, I had the fiction for years that "one day" I will find my people. That never happened. At least 4…