The Deepest Gift You Can Bring to Your Most Important Relationships

If you get right up to the sensation of a breakthrough in your intimate relationships, then it feels like you’ve taken one step forward and two steps back - there is a very good reason.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, we don’t have to go looking under rocks for why your hormones and relationships head into chaos. Especially if you are over 40 - chances are, you had emotionally unavailable, disembodied parents who may have done their best but still taught you exactly how to leave your body as you relate today.

This is why you can take your supplements, go to therapy, love your partner, lean back into your feminine, and still feel like the person you love is always at arm’s length and you are heavy-sighing your way through the day.

Here’s how they do it.

Parents in a dysfunctional family lead by example and either teach you to shrink or control the room.

You were either shown to avoid the problem, wall up, and leave the room…and/or they taught you to get aggressive, press your views upon the other, and control the room.

Most people do some semblance of both. These are what have become known as the anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

Both styles are essentially a form of leaving the body or becoming “disembodied”.

Both cause the body to release adrenaline, cortisol, and dopamine galore.

Both have an addictive flavor.

And both of these habits are the basis of feminine hormonal and relationship chaos.

The mechanism

Progesterone can’t survive in a high cortisol environment because cortisol and progesterone compete for the same building block called Pregnenolone. This mechanism is called the “pregnenolone steal” and is the reason why chronically stressed women have lowered fertility, irregular periods, and trouble feeling relaxed and inviting.

It feels like you are always on edge and high alert, wanting to snap over the little things - like, God forbid, your man leave his clothes on the floor or crumbs of chips on the couch; his head is gonna roll.

Cortisol also goes up to the brain, to the hypothalamus, and suppresses oxytocin - the hormone responsible for warmth, closeness, bonding, and creativity.

In other words, the cortisol you get from relationship stress makes it biologically harder to have a loving, intimate relationship. Seems a bit cruel, doesn’t it? But keep reading…there’s a way out.

Most modern women want to treat relationship stress with a hormone prescription, but that only works short-term as a soothing balm, and not a real fix. The patterns of fleeing and controlling still remain until you deal with those head-on.

What I have found works better as a long-term solution is learning when you leave your body, what story you tell yourself as you leave, what you do when you leave, and how to get yourself to come back and stay. This is the real work, and prescriptions don’t touch it.

Leaving the body might feel like some or all of the following: fuzzy, fizzy, spacey, heart racing, not all there, exhausted without a clear reason, trouble focusing, trouble staying on task, and impatient with a short fuse.

Sound familiar? You’ve probably been leaving your body since before kindergarten.

At first, staying in your body feels very uncomfortable.

You might even feel a mild panic because it is a new sensation. It is unfamiliar, and the unfamiliar can feel dangerous at first.

The sensations that come up in the body are tension, crawling, “get me out of here”, and the tendency to try to go faster to “get somewhere”.

Then, with practice, once you finally land, it is not uncommon to feel a deep tired all over, because the adrenaline finally dropped and you land in the body like a thud.

You may hear the body’s needs all speak at once:

Feed me.

Hold me.

Hydrate me.

Pay attention to me.

Love me.

Make me feel safe.

A soft smile.

Lighter on your feet.

More sensual and lit up.

Excitement for your day.

Horniness and arousal for life.

A sense of “I’m back!”

Relationships become more intimate and real.

Manifestation speeds up.

The Divine can get through to you more easily.

Adrenaline lowers, and then progesterone has more raw material to rebuild.

Oxytocin is given a chance to blossom, and you start feeling more connected.

Creative ideas, energy, and power return tenfold.

You no longer feel that you can bury the truth of how you feel and sweep it under the rug. You no longer feel that you need to flee the scene or become the drill sergeant in a stressful situation. Instead, you learn to STAY.

You stay, and you become more real, more reliable, and bring the presence you’ve been saying you want from a man.

You will feel this in your body like more space, more space to breathe, more space for love to enter, and more space for the truth.

In fact, you become like a beacon for the truth, and thank God for that.

The truth of who you are as a woman is revealed like the opening of a rose. Little by little, through the sensations you are now able to feel, through the areas of your body that you now inhabit, through the creative spark that has the oxygen it needs to become a flame.

Men and their testosterone thrive in the presence of a radiant, embodied woman who is real and loving with herself.

I have long observed that when men are in contact with women who have healed their relational grudges with men and can be present in their bodies, the men’s behavior becomes more protective, more chivalrous, and more playful. It’s like magic.

You can tell this is starting to shift when he lingers, when he looks at you and gives you that little smirk, when he beams with pride, when he carries something heavy for you so you don’t have to do it. There will be signs if you know where to look.

This is why a health plan will not cut it for a woman like you.

This is why couples counseling will only get you so far.

Because what you need more than anything is YOU, your body, your heart, your Woman, and to meet her face to face, all the way down in your hips, landed in yourself.

Feeling yourself immensely, finding your hidden voice and learning to trust it.

Letting your heart and your feeling permeate every fiber of your being.

This is the deepest gift you can give yourself and every relationship you honor.

The awakened, feminine, real, sensual you.

Ready to get my help directly, book an appointment with me and ask me your questions.

In Love,

Dr. S