One morning, I was walking through the neighborhood with my pup, Romeo. We were in the final stretch of our 2-mile loop, having turned onto the oak-lined avenue, enjoying the unseasonably cool air on a fine May morning.
As we approached the warm bakery smells of a sidewalk cafe, I saw a stout man sitting at one of the tables with his bulldog. I heard the training clicker in the man’s hand - and saw how he was popping treats into the dog’s mouth.
Before my next breath, this dog bolted from its owner and had my puppy in its jaws. The bulldog owner sprang to action, yelling, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
I sprang to action too.
I had grabbed my dog by the collar, attempting to swing his little, furry body away from the bulldog. But the bulldog was insistent.
By the time I had Romeo nearly into my arms, the bulldog was scrambling to climb on me too.
I tried to run and escape, but as the terrain would have it, my escape route was over the massive roots of a live oak tree and the grossly tented-up sidewalk, broken by the roots below. I slipped and fell, holding my dog, I tried to roll away. By now, adrenaline is so strong in my system that I am shaking, screaming, STOP STOP!
But the bulldog would not stop, snarling, growling, with blood lining its tongue and flappy lips. The owner managed to grab it away - only to relax too soon, loosen his grip, and here came the bulldog again, lunging and scrambling back at my dog.
I don’t even know where it came from but I let out a blood-curdling scream and tried to kick the bulldog away. Just then another man, a patron of the cafe, stepped in, grabbed the bulldog back, and didn’t let go until the owner had a good grip.
At first, I sat there on the colossal oak roots, holding my dog like my baby, trying to catch my breath.
I looked back at the blood dripping from the bulldog’s mouth - then down at my dog’s white fluff to see where he was bleeding from. I saw nothing.
I awkwardly got to my feet, shaking like a leaf. Clinging to my pup for dear life, I started walking away, feeling a sharp pain in my knee from sliding on the roots. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart and the bulldog owner calling after me with, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
I felt scared as hell that my dog could be hurt in a way I couldn’t see.
I felt angry AF that this man clearly had a dog that doesn’t socialize well yet had the creature at a sidewalk cafe, with the dog protecting its treats, with the public walking by.
I judged the man as a fool. He knew this about his dog. There is no way he didn’t.
Be honest about what dog you are dealing with.
We have to do this with people as well.
Be honest about who you are dealing with.
Veils are lifting on relationships for every one of my clients and in my life too.
You can’t expect a snarling bulldog with a short fuse to be a sweet puppy, sitting pretty and socializing with strangers.
You can’t expect a person with low accountability or abusive behaviors to change. No matter how good you think you are about changing yourself hoping your experience with that person changes. The mirror paradigm is not the full picture.
You can’t be a better “steward”, with better treats, or wait for a sunny day and expect different behavior. It is still the same dog.
Some of y’all need to admit who you are dealing with.
Did this make the owner a bad person? No.
But the man was clearly in denial about the nature of his companion.
Be honest about who you are dealing with.
You can forgive - make your way to forgiveness and lighten yourself.
But stop putting yourself in the path of the snarling bulldog and stop acting like you can change a dog by being “better”.
Time to get ruthlessly honest with yourself.
In Love,
Dr. S
PS Romeo is fine. No injuries. Once I got him home, I saw the blood around his mouth and thought he may have gotten some licks in - which made me proud that my little fluff ball defended himself.
If you know this message was for you and want to raise your capacity to allow in the love and money you have worked so hard to create - especially if you have a pivotal relationship that keeps coming up to be solved - book a session with me.
My clients are alchemizing painful dynamics with mothers, fathers, and romantic partners - right on the call - into the feeling of liberation and bliss - which leads to HUGE openings in your creative work and high-paying clients rolling in.
If you are protecting your heart in this relationship, I guarantee it is affecting your creative flow and your bottom line.
The time for your liberation is now.
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