Reading · "Eros and Essence: Embracing Sexual and Spiritual Wholeness"

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky · "Eros and Essence: Embracing Sexual and Spiritual Wholeness"

A debate is unfolding not only in the United States but increasingly around the world. In places like the Netherlands, long known for comprehensive sexuality education, political pressure is growing to limit what children learn about bodies, relationships, and sexuality.

Supporters of these restrictions often argue that discussing sexuality too early destroys childhood innocence and encourages sexual activity. Some go further, describing sexuality education as grooming.

But there is a question we rarely ask:

If we don’t teach children about sexuality, who will?

Children do not grow up in silence. They learn from friends. They learn from social media. They learn from television. Increasingly, they learn from pornography. Every one of these sources teaches something about sex, relationships, bodies, and intimacy.

The issue is not whether children will learn. The issue is what they will learn and from whom.

There is also a biological reality that cannot be ignored. Puberty unfolds whether we explain it or not. Long before adolescents make decisions about relationships or sexuality, their bodies are already changing. Hormones begin to surge. The brain reorganizes. Reproductive systems mature. Feelings, attractions, and curiosities emerge. Many of these changes occur outside conscious awareness at first.

Sexuality education helps children understand puberty.

Without accurate information, normal developmental changes can become sources of confusion, anxiety, embarrassment, and shame. Knowledge helps young people understand what is happening to them rather than fear it.

Research from countries such as the Netherlands suggests that comprehensive sexuality education does not increase sexual activity. Instead, it is associated with lower rates of unintended pregnancy, greater contraceptive use, and healthier attitudes toward relationships and consent.

Perhaps this is because the best sexuality education is not really about sex. It is about communication, respect, boundaries, and empathy. It is about understanding our bodies and learning how to relate to one another.

Crooks, Baur and Widman in their Human Sexuality text, describe sexual intelligence as involving self-awareness, awareness of a partner, scientific knowledge, and an understanding of cultural influences. Sexual intelligence is not simply knowing the mechanics of reproduction. It is understanding ourselves, understanding others, and recognizing the social messages that shape our attitudes and behavior.

This raises an even larger question:

How do we want our children to grow up?

Do we want them to develop sovereignty over their own bodies, minds, feelings, wants, desires, hopes, and dreams? Do we want them to have the knowledge and confidence to make wise decisions, establish healthy boundaries, and recognize when someone is treating them with respect—or when someone is not? Or do we leave them vulnerable to ignorance, confusion, manipulation, and exploitation?

Children who understand their bodies are better able to protect them. Children who understand consent are better able to recognize violations of it. Children who understand healthy relationships are better equipped to create them.

For years I have taught that sex is normal and sex is sacred.

Sex is normal because sexuality is part of the biological maturation process that transforms children into adults.

Sex is sacred because our intimate relationships have the power to connect us, deepen love, awaken self-understanding, and transform our lives.

If We Don’t Teach Them, Who Will?

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