They’re not listening. They don’t care. They never change.
Or maybe it turns inward.
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get this right? If I could just do better, this wouldn’t keep happening.
We try to fix our relational problems either by changing someone else, or by endlessly improving ourselves. But what if neither is the real opportunity in those moments? What if the real pivot is to stop solving our problems and to start seeing our pain?
Beneath every triggered moment is not a complicated collection of problems, but one simple pain point. It’s the pain of feeling unseen, misunderstood, and/or unsupported. In a word, it’s the ordinary pain of loneliness.
When our loneliness is stirred up in relationships, we tend to default to one of two roles. We blame the other person for it, or we shame ourselves for it. Shame or blame. However, both of those paths pull us farther away from the healing and connection we’re longing for.
The journey isn’t about battling yourself or your loved ones. It’s about befriending yourself gradually, so you can befriend them eventually.
In the replay, I introduce a brand-new framework I’ve been developing over the past year. It has already transformed how I understand conflict in my own marriage and in the lives of the people I work with.
It’s one of the most important new pieces of the Peaceful Pivot Process so far.
Paid members, I’d love to continue the conversation from the call with you in the comments.
Free members, you can upgrade below to view the whole replay, join the discussion in the comments, and get access to our next community call/course recording on August 21st.
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