dating is a humiliation ritual

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MEET CUTE - OUR EXCLUSIVE SINGLES-ONLY DINNER SERIES

Our incredibly exclusive dinner party with our faves When &Where is happening on Saturday, Dec 6th.

If accepted, $120 includes:

• 4-Course Dinner (we can accommodate reasonable dietary restrictions)

• Unlimited Drinks - Thanks Peroni and Saintwoods Vodka!

• An after party for all attendees (and friends) including table/ bottle service

• 22 other hand-picked eligible single people (no +1s allowed)

• A night of debauchery

If this sounds like fun to you (or your most eligible single friend - apply to come below.

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DRINKS FIRST HOLIDAY PARTY

we can’t say much for now but, let’s go out with a bang.

Save the date for thurs dec 18, 10pm-late.

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• Some of our favorite wellness events are making a come back for January - think Othership and Tennis…

DRINKS FIRST VALENTINE’S DAY

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As always, I have been thinking a lot about dating, relationships, and why so many people are opting out of both. And the more I talk to people, it dawned on me: dating feels less like a path to partnership and more like a humiliation ritual. Not humiliating in the dramatic way, but humiliating in the slow, friction-filled, vulnerable way where you walk away wondering why you even tried.

People are having less sex than ever. A large share of Japanese adults report no sex in the past year. Many hit their twenties or thirties without any sexual experience at all. I have numerous friends who have never been in a relationship. Women are taking part in the what I’m calling “The Great Opt Out”, where their emotional and physical peace is worth more than attempting to date. We tend to treat this like a cultural anomaly, but it mirrors a global reality. In the U.S., a growing percentage of young men report no sexual activity in the past year. It is not a dry spell. It is a pattern.

Social atrophy. People do not know how to connect. Long stretches of digital life replaced in-person presence, and we lost the micro-skills that make relationships workable. The flirting. The risk. The reading of cues. The basics. Obviously this is a lot of why I created Drinks First, I always say I’m not reinventing the wheel because it is truly that simple. Create a space where connection is encouraged and expected, people will follow suit.

And then there is the cultural layer. Having a boyfriend has become embarrassing (if you haven’t seen the Vogue article, teach me how to be less chronically online please). The idea is that admitting you are in a relationship makes you look less independent, less aspirational, less aligned with the self-optimization ethos the internet worships. It is wild that the most intimate, human desire to pair up is now treated like a soft weakness- but not without cause.

Women have more social mobility today, and we wanted that. But increased mobility created a mismatch. Scott Galloway talks about this in his new book (Notes on Being a Man), especially in the sections on modern masculinity. Men once had a clear value proposition: provide, protect, produce. Today the script is foggier. What is a man supposed to be in a world where women can do everything* men were historically needed for.

*asterisk here because obviously there is a HUGE gap still on the privilege men and women hold in all aspects.

The men who thrive are the ones who adapt, but a lot of men are stuck. And when they feel stuck, they withdraw. Sex and relationships drop off. Not because they do not want connection, but because they do not know how to participate in connection anymore. I wish I could tell you how easily it is to perceive when a man on a dating app just wants to talk to you with the expectation of having sex. The veil has become thinner and thinner- and you have to ask if this sort of behavior happens because it is reinforced somehow.

Galloway also talks about the collapse of male friendships and how friendship used to teach young men emotional range. Without those bonds, a lot of men never build the muscle memory required to date well. The issue is not chivalry or confidence- it is the inability to socialize in a meaningful way. All of this shows up on dates. All of this makes dating feel humiliating. The mere thought of taking someone out on a date feels like the burden of commitment to some- case and point:

This also affects women. If the dating pool feels socially underdeveloped or emotionally unavailable, dating requires a level of patience that borders on martyrdom. And when it works, maintaining the relationship is sometimes harder than finding it. People hold on because they are afraid of being alone, not because the relationship is nourishing.

The bigger question: what does it mean to connect today? Actually connect- not message, not match, not follow. But connect in a way where someone picks you up from the airport or waters your plants when you are out of town. We have lost reliance. We have optimized our lives so aggressively that we accidentally made interdependence feel like an inconvenience.

People want to share a life- they just do not know how to build the scaffolding around it anymore.

So here is my thought: We do not fix dating by being better daters. We fix dating by relearning how to socialize, how to risk, how to be around people in ways that require patience and trust. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you need to force yourself into connection. Not romantically- socially. Practice being with people again.

If dating feels humiliating, maybe dating is not broken. Maybe we are socially out of shape, and the only way out is to train the muscle.

instagram saw it first.

It’s been a minute and we’ve been busy…

WE WENT INTERNATIONAL (AND NATIONAL)

LONDON

LOS ANGELES

We did a class at Open in partnership with Sitch Matchmaking for their launch in LA. Scroll down for a free 30 day trial of Open’s incredible wellness app.

COLUMBUS, OHIO for Forbes 30u30 Summit

We threw a super secret after party to the Forbes 30 under 30 Summit that happened in Columbus, Ohio at the sickest venue - Brass Eye.

We did it in partnership with all Forbes-lister owned companies-

Glioblastoma Research Organization

Posh

6Degrees

theCut

YAPPY HOUR

We did a few Yappy Hour’s since our last email - one at Pearl Box / Heroes and one at Silver Lining Lounge.

This is our lowest lift event, anyone can come and buy a ticket to experience the Drinks First community at some of our favorite venues with special drink deals.

DIWALI

Our biggest event of the year. 2000 people. Some of the best creatives in the south asian diaspora. I want to do a longer recap on this, and what it takes for it to happen, but for now enjoy these photos:

If you attended any of these events, you can find all the photos on our SWSH:

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MYODETOX

I have gone through quite a few injuries in my lifetime- including tearing my ACL earlier this year. I opted not to get surgery, and instead have gone a holistic route. What does this mean- I have gone through months of PT, massage, chiro, acupuncture, contrast therapy, etc. And the best PT/Chiro I have experiences has been at MYODetox. They believe in “Future Proofing” your body. I can’t tell you it’s cheap, but if you are suffering or looking to improve- I can’t recommend it enough.

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OPEN

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If you cant make it to their studio- im truly obsessed with their app. use my code ARIANAOPEN30 for a free 30 day trial.

KINDRED

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FORA

I went on a side quest to become a travel agent earlier this year, now I do all my (and my close friends vacation bookings). It costs nothing to use a travel agent, and you get the best rates and perks. If you have something you want to book- email ariana.nathani@fora.travel or if you’re interested in the industry, check out Fora using my link ($50 off your membership).

Now… enough of all that serious talk. Paid subs- Time for my rapid fire recs:

These are the things, places, etc. I’m loving right now.

<3 That’s all for you freeloaders xx