Trump shooting blanks

In all the excitement of ballroom renovations and Thunderdome battles on the White House lawn the Commander-In-Chief of the mightiest military on the planet forgot to buy more bullets. If you somehow needed more proof of the profound lack of planning for President Trump’s folly in the Strait of Hormuz look no further than the fact that U.S. forces are in jeopardy of running out of bombs. The president has come down with a vicious case of projectile dysfunction. It’s okay, I hear it happens to a lot of autocrats.

In the president’s defense, he’s a moron. He had no idea this big, stupid war would take so long and cost so much. Originally scheduled for a long weekend, the fighting has stretched on into its sixth month with no end to hostilities in sight. What’s a fighting force to do when, due to the gross incompetence of leadership, they are faced with a dearth of munitions with which to successfully prosecute a war? Improvise!

Take a quick inventory and use what’s at hand. Instead of cluster bombs and tomahawk missiles maybe we can blanket Tehran with testosterone supplements. The Secretary of Defense has made it a point to offer hormone replacement therapy to any enlisted and highly-trained American male killing machine looking to top off the tank, so there must be warehouses full of the stuff. I’m willing to bet there’s some cialis and creatine laying around, too. Load up some shells and fire away. It won’t do much structural damage but it could provide a distraction. The Iranian forces will be so virile and swole they’ll be too busy getting full body spray tans to fight back.