Give ICE all the shock gloves they want

This cartoon isn’t even that far fetched. Once the mouth breathers at ICE crack the seal on their new electro-shock taser gloves it’s a matter of moments before one of these doorknobs gives himself a full Brazilian during a potty break. The first time two agents try to celebrate destroying a family with a high five you’ll be able to see their skeletons like a Tom & Jerry cartoon. I strongly advocate letting agents take the gloves home. If the level of training holds true half these slapdicks will try and wear them in the shower. A $50,000 signing bonus and a set of fingertip bug zappers is quite a deal for a workforce that overwhelmingly peaked in high school.

Is there something perverse about a nation that refuses to guarantee school children a meal buying super hero villain gloves for the president’s personal paramilitary? Reread that last sentence and the answer should be obvious. The federal government didn’t bother securing enough missiles to prosecute the big, dumb war with Iran but they managed to buy electrolysis gloves for America’s angriest frat. This is what happens when a federal law enforcement agency is run by spiritual 12 year olds, shock gloves and alligator Alcatraz.

ICE says the 20 million dollar plan to electrify their agents will actually lead to a reduction in use of deadly force. If that were true, and it’s most certainly not, it would be a sad comment on the state of your workforce when arming them with shock gloves makes them, in theory, safer.