Cut and Burn

On May 1st, the Flower Full Moon rises in Scorpio and peaks at 1:23pm EDT and is on the same day as Beltane — a rare alignment that hasn’t happened in nearly four decades. This is a day where the earth is blooming, but the cosmos are asking us to clear what’s choking our own growth. Scorpio exposes the truth. Beltane lights the fire. The Flower Moon shows what’s ready to blossom. Together, they create a portal for release, rebirth, and radical honesty.

Poetry and prose always meld together in such a melancholic way when I am in flow mode. I write best when I am deep in my emotions. When the surge of those raging rivers is pushing words to cascade like waterfalls. Fast, intense, and powerful. In real life, I am just as intense, but I feel like it is softened by my presence and delivery. At one time in my life I was more playful than deep, but that was only on the exterior. I found that people didn’t like to have deep conversations right off the bat, if ever, so I would water myself down. I would put that version of myself away for another day. It wasn’t dishonest -- I was still showing a very authentic version of myself, but it wasn’t my whole self. I am a mix of deep and lighthearted. A mix of lightness and darkness. I show up like this in every situation now. But in my writing, those intense feelings come roaring out of my throat in a way that may catch some off guard. I speak bluntly and I write like I speak. I don’t think it is a bad thing -- I think it is a real thing.

I have been challenging my inner world and asking myself what things I still need to hold on to. What beliefs no longer fit, what values need to shift, what I need to let go of that I have always thought I wanted. I don’t consciously follow the cosmos -- I let the energy guide me. So when I realize what is actually going on energetically, and how it always aligns with what I am going through, it still leaves me in awe. Magick is literally everywhere.

Tomorrow is May 1st, the Flower Full Moon, and Beltane. What a fucking powerful day to cut some shit from my life. Love has been on my mind lately, along with my realization that it terrifies me. It is true that some of my exes haunt my mind, as I wrote yesterday. I try very hard not to look them up, but today I did -- I looked with the eyes of “has this person even changed at all?” They have not. Same life, different city. I saw how some things and activities I hold in reverence he now uses as party favors. It hit a space in my brain that said: these men just absorbed what they found fun and loving about me and now call it their own. I am not bitter, not at all in fact. I wish them all well on their journeys through this life, but I needed to see that so I could finally let the fuck go. I needed to see this so I could set better boundaries going forward -- not as a way to hold on to the past, but as a healthy protection of myself and my energy.

When I went to the gym regularly I had a friend there named Dallas. She was an amazing German woman who always told it to me straight. She would say, “You are young and beautiful -- get back out there. Don’t cry over them, go find what you deserve. Don’t lose your youth on those who have hurt you. It is too sad to see you like this.” I need people who talk to me with force -- not in a mean way (I have had that and it doesn’t land well) but in a way that wakes me up. It is so easy to get lost in your own mind and emotions when you spend too much time alone. Damn, do I love being alone though! I do realize that one of the reasons I love it is because it is safe, but there is no growth in the safe zone, just stagnation. I feel good today and I am ready to get to it and start creating the path I see for my life. Not in a dating sense -- I am nowhere near ready for that -- but my heart is starting to soften again, and this feeling is what I needed to get back to what sets my soul afire.

What are you burning out of your life tomorrow?

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