Today, I write to remind you to always choose yourself.
Once, I thought about how different my life might have been if I had stood my ground and said no to many things.
There is an instance, however, that still makes me happy. In 2024, someone accused me of being selfish. I have never felt happier to be called selfish in my life than in that moment. At that time, I was suffering from breakfast I have judged to be my fault. I was neglecting my personal desires and putting the needs of the other party first.
In retrospect, I do not blame the person who accused me of being selfish. They were also fighting for their desires, but they came a little too late.
I was considering a “toaster,” as we call it. At one point, I thought of accepting what he was offering. To my friends, he was a good guy. But I had seen the future, and for the first time, I took my stubbornness up a notch.
My thinking at that time was simple. I thought that men often get to decide on what they want. They live with the illusion of choice. So why should gamble with mine? I knew what I wanted, and I had to be selfish to get it.
I carried this attitude all through 2024. By 2025, I reverted to my old self. I gave people as much room as they wanted. Said a lot of yeses, tolerated slights, and extended grace even when I was offended.
Was it worth it? Maybe.
It was worth it because at the end of the year, my mum said I had become more tolerant. It was not worth it because many people got away with far too much. Still, as my mum said, I learned patience.
I learned how to watch people do what they want. I saw how easily triggered and emotional I could be. I saw how I let people’s actions affect my state of mind, and the danger of not airing my opinions.
So, in the end, is it really selfishness? No.
Selfishness is a vice, a flaw.
What you should call it is self-respect.
Selfishness is acting solely for personal gain with little or no regard for how it harms others. It is rooted in fear, insecurity, or greed, and it often leaves damage in its wake. Self-respect, on the other hand, is the ability to honour your values, boundaries, and long-term wellbeing while still acknowledging the humanity of others.
People will place as much respect on you, your choices, your values, and your time as you teach them to.
Put prime on yourself.
Don’t keep this note to yourself. Share it and let someone else finally choose themselves, too.
As you set out into this new year, make a decision that serves you as much as it serves others. The lesson is balance. Choosing yourself is not the same as disregarding others. Saying no is not cruel. Drawing boundaries is not pride. It is clarity.
If you want a perfect example to guide you, take a look at our Nigerian politicians. Many operate from selfishness, protecting power, wealth, and ego at the expense of the people. Self-respect in leadership would mean integrity, accountability, and restraint. It would mean knowing when to step aside, when to listen, and when personal ambition must bow to public good.
As I end this note, being stubborn with your decisions will do you a lot of good in 2026.
Cheers to note 2 of 52!
a drop of honey for your week.
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