Why Some Preferences Shouldn’t Be Optional

Pineapple is the most perfect pizza topping known to man.

I don’t just think this. I know this. Not in the everyone-has-different-tastes kind of way, but in the once you’ve given it the right amount of thought, it becomes obvious.

There is no doubt in my mind that the pineapple is what completes the pizza experience. It gives a pizza the right amount of balanced flavor and color contrast that pizzas without pineapple don’t have.

I’ve consulted all the experts on the subject and have even looked at social media for everyday person experiences with pineapple on pizza. My reasoning on this holds up to the highest scrutiny.

I’ve tried listening to other people on this subject. I really have. I’ve listened carefully to their arguments and have always responded calmly, reasonably, and measured.

But, honestly, they don’t listen to reason or facts. They just retreat to the same thing they had just been saying. It’s like I never even spoke.

Usually I would just brush this kind of thing off, but pizza is by its very nature communal. It’s something meant to be shared with friends and family over a common table. So, I have tried to find common ground with these people. But even when I have tried reasoning with them, they flat out refuse to order pineapple on pizzas.

This is where a line has to be drawn.

I was perfectly fine when they were just sharing anti-pineapple memes on social media or just giving me their uninformed opinions. But now they’re actively preventing me from enjoying my pizza—the right way.

Maybe they shouldn’t be allowed to order pizza at all unless it’s pineapple.

Not as punishment but as a standard.

It makes things simple. No more arguing over which toppings to order. No more of this divisiveness. The decision is clear and everyone gets the most perfect pizza every time.

It’s both easier for the customers and more efficient for the pizza establishments who can now carry fewer ingredients. It’s just better for everybody.

Once this is established, everyone will accept that this is the way it should have been all along.

Of that, I am certain.