All Dressed Up In The Stinky Cheese Aisle

Apologies for the hiatus, divas. I’ve been peeling my way through an onion of existentialism, each layer more eye-watering than the next.

I came down with a gnarly case of the birthday blues last month. It wasn’t really the getting older part that bummed me out, more so the what am I doing with my life??? part. I assume everyone feels this way from time to time, but the feeling ceased to settle for weeks, incessantly chewing away at my self-worth.

Time feels unaffordable in a society that constantly denies aging—whether that be through the looksmaxxing epidemic or the fact that most can’t keep up financially or career-wise in the current economy. Adulthood feels stunted: According to Scientific American, 25 is the new 18. Yet, as Smash Mouth so eloquently put it, the years keep coming and they don’t stop coming. It’s an endless pursuit.

Which is why, more or less lucidly put, I’m counting the wrinkles on my forehead like the rings on a tree trunk and dealing with it. I am less focused on aging like fine wine and more intent on aging like stinky cheese. One that requires an acquired palette—a sommelier of stink. Not aged in a cellar but in a cave. Encouraged to grow moldy! Rotten and delicious.

I think this note was trying to tell me something…

In many ways, a stinky cheese is similar to a diva: Not everyone can handle her, nor can everyone really appreciate her. Some don’t even want to get near her. (I told my mom I was writing an article about aging like stinky cheese and she said EW.)

Those that love you will peer into the frosty fogged glass of the deli, however, and order a hunk. They’ll seek you out. Lest we forget some of the stinkiest cheeses are exclusive and expensive!

As this is a fashion newsletter, in the spirit of ripening to putrid perfection, I’ve rounded up some style moments that stank. These pre-loved and well-discounted pieces only get better with age. Bon appétit…

Heads-up, I’ll get a small commission if you purchase something through one of my links—this sulfurous style writer needs to pay rent!

Somewhere between seafoam and mint is that nostalgic teal shade that once paired perfectly with crackle nail polish, Marina and the Diamonds, and peplum tops. If you were on Tumblr and/or Polyvore in 2012 you get what I’m talking about. Dare I say the color also calls some crumbly blue cheese to mind?

In coherence with my resolution to get freakier with makeup, I used my $4 CVS birthday coupon on a minty NYX eyeshadow stick that can, in a pinch, translate to a lip combo too. Not on a budget? Check out this vintage knit Gucci tank, these snakeskin Bottega flats, this vintage Just Cavalli belt, these studded Gucci stilettos, this ruched Bvlgari bag, or my personal favorite, this vintage Gucci bamboo bag. If anyone would like to gift me the latter as a belated birthday present I wouldn’t say no…

Babybel cheese has some of the best (and most misunderstood) packaging in the dairy world. I guarantee you’ve accidentally taken a bite out of one of its waxy red shells at one point or another—but if you haven’t, these shiny accessories look good enough to unwrap.

These funky vintage Prada wedges look like a scantily clad Babybel; these (distressed) vintage Gucci peep-toe heels reminisce on their cow brethren; this perfectly slouchy vintage Michael Kors bag comes with a drawstring begging to be pulled open; this bow-wrapped patent leather Valentino bag is simply darling.

Shopping new? Tory Burch’s annual sale is here: This multi-pocket tote will fit your entire charcuterie board, while these peep-toe pumps embody Swiss shoe cheese. There’s a lot to go around—check out my full curated edit of the sale here.

Closely related to Blue Cheese Teal is Curdled Chartreuse, which also happens to be one of my favorite colors. A particularly putrid strain of lime green, this shade just looks stinky. The color does look more enticing, however, on this draped Tom Ford top, this vintage Gucci skirt, this leather wristlet, this absolutely insane fringed suede Miu Miu bag, this cashmere Gucci tee, these acrylic Gucci wedges (which I originally lusted over in a more tart rendition), and these vintage Gucci horsebit heels. Can you tell I’ve been really into vintage Gucci lately??

Maybe it’s global warming, maybe it’s the summer of sports. (I’m trying to get #shredded like cheddar this summer.) Show a little skin with a piece that’s bold and breathable, like your favorite Swiss cheese.

On the luxe side: this pleated leather Ralph Lauren skirt, this ‘70s suede belt, this monogram Louis Vuitton pochette, these holey, under-$100 Prada heels (seen here in black), these vintage Chanel heels, and this Kraft-single-esque Chanel bag. See also: this cheddar Fendi bag, a larger chartreuse variation, and this classic black version. All very Scooby Doo-coded if you ask me.

On the sportier side: This dusty green Nike jersey, these red-and-pink shorts, this Stella Mccartney x Adidas top (also in red), this vintage Knicks-adjacent Adidas jersey, and these leather Puma Mostro sneakers.

In search of more style that stanks? A very filling fashion digest is coming your way this week, including couture week faves and NYC’s latest fashion exhibits.

Want to see what I’m up to (and what I’m wearing)? Follow me on Instagram and TikTok. Still looking for shopping recs? Check out all my fashion finds here, and consign on TheRealReal using my partner link to get $200 in site credit. Interested in working together? Reach out here.

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