Maria’s Story

                Me and my black dog, Coco, walking in the campo in Spain. 

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts.

I’m a neurodivergent abuse survivor and for most of my life I struggled with anxiety, depression and complex post traumatic stress.

From childhood, I bounced from drama to drama attracting bullies, baiters and manipulators into my life with alarming regularity.

No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to create the kind of happy life I dreamed of.

🐺 abuse of all kinds;

🌻 bereavement;

🐺 heartbreak;

🌻 divorce;

🐺 business failure;

🌻 abandonment;

🐺 rejection;

🌻 betrayal;

🐺 and chronic illness

and somehow I managed to box all that pain up and hide it away so I didn’t have to face it, or feel it.

I was in denial, believing I was coping when really I was avoiding dealing with any of the pain.

People would tell me I was strong for surviving everything, but I felt broken beyond repair!

This man was violent and threatening and reminded me so much of my abusive stepfather. I began to withdraw from life afraid to leave the house.

Everything I touched seemed to turn to sh*t and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get myself together. I started to dissociate.

My business failed and my family and I were publicly humiliated on social media by a bunch of rumour mongers we’d never even met!

The guilt, shame, regret, pain and grief overwhelmed me. It was the last straw and I had a nervous breakdown.

I had severe clinical anxiety and depression and I couldn’t cope with life anymore.

My

🌻 body;

🐺 mind;

🌻 Soul;

🐺 and heart

were exhausted and I wanted out.

            All I did was lay in bed, trapped in the prison of my own mind. 

            This photo was taken to prove to my husband that I was safe.

I spent most of my time asleep in bed, barely showered and would only eat junk food.

My family were everything to me, but I wasn’t there for them.

All I wanted to do was escape from the prison of my own mind.

I wanted the pain to end.

It all came to a head one day when my little girl, who was about 5 years old, asked me to get out of bed and come eat dinner with her.

As usual, I refused, preferring to stay in the sanctuary of my bed.

But as I spoke, I saw the pain in my beloved child’s eyes and something inside of me broke open.

I knew I had to make a choice – end it, or do my best to heal and be there for my family again.

I’ll be honest, my inner bitch was on overdrive, telling me that my family would all be better off without me dragging them down. That if I ended it, they could all move on.

I’d heard the song before, I was familiar with it.

The song was ‘Dance Again’ by Jennifer Lopez and I took it to be a sign.

This time the lyrics hit me so hard in the heart, I just started to cry.

I DID want to dance again and love again.

And I made the choice to do everything in my power to get better.

🌻 coaching;

🐺 counselling;

🌻 medication;

🐺 supplements;

🌻 complementary therapies;

🐺 psychotherapy;

🌻 ecotherapy;

the list goes on.

Sadly, they weren’t as effective as I hoped they’d be. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I think it was just that no-one had the kind of program I needed.

I tried all sorts of other therapies. Some were more effective than others and some were so effective that I decided to certify as a practitioner.

I realised that I was having difficulty letting go of the past. There was so much trauma and I didn’t know who I was without it.

So in desperation, I asked Google how I could let go of the pain and the repetitive thoughts that kept me trapped in depression.

I didn’t get the answer I expected!

In the list of responses was a full moon ritual for letting go.

What? I was intrigued and decided to give it a try.

I’ll talk more about the details in further posts. But that moon ritual changed my life.

In my desperate search for a cure for my mental and emotional pain, I discovered the healing power of green witchcraft.

It didn’t just change my life – it saved it.

Over the last few years I’ve learned so much about depression from both my own experiences and the lived experiences of other people. 

Out of my lived experiences. I created the Gaian Path™ which consists of 5 key elements to help me to ditch the black dog of depression: –

1. Connection and community support;

2. Therapeutic Witchcraft™ aka Gaian Magick;

3. Simple and practical lifestyle changes;

4. Sacred Activism - making a difference to others;

5. Neuroscience based coaching and therapy tools.

Today, I live my dream life in Spain with my Soulmate, five grown up children and a bunch of familiars – aka horses, dogs, cats, and birds. 

I no longer suffer from debilitating bouts of depression. Yes, I get sad and sometimes have low moods, but that’s part of being human.

But the Black Dog no longer nips at my heels like it used to, and when it does try to come back into my life, I know the signs and stop it in its tracks.

Now I want to share how the magick of The Gaian Path™ can help you to ditch the black dog of depression, too.

Curious?

Check out my FREE resources to get started.