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V’s been really into Frozen in recent months, and wants to be Elsa and shoot her ice powers everywhere all the time. I was at an open house in her classroom last week and one of the kids told his mom, “That’s V. She puts ice on us.”
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Adventures in Parenting
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Between being married to a teacher and being the parent of a 4- and a 1-year-old, sometimes I think I am forever doomed to be picking up writing and coloring implements, like Sisyphus cursed to an eternity working a minimum-wage job at OfficeMax.
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V: “We have 20 o’clock until the dinosaur egg hatches!”
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V: “The oceans are going away. The bad guys are taking them.” M: “Oh no. What are we going to do?” V: “When P grows up and becomes a dad, he’s gonna eat the bad guys.”
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V: “It smells like a cup of coffee growing on a vine out here.”
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V: “I’m not a tough cookie; I’m a tough four-year-old!”
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When I posted this photo from several years back to Glass today, V saw it and asked, “Is that Moana 2?”
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Every night: V: “I want ‘Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens’, and then ‘Goat Herd’, and then ‘Sound of Music’ where the naaanny sings, and then Moana 2 music.” S: “OK. Hey Siri, play V’s playlist.”
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In a rickshaw with traffic zipping and horns blaring all around us V: “Why is India so loud?”
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S: “V, did you just squish your brother again?” V: “No, I just used him as a step stool”
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V, after running into the back of my foot: “Ow! You hurt my bike wheel!”
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V: “I was getting sweaty.” S: “You were getting sweaty?” M: “From what?” V: “From the moon.”
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“I call him little tiny cute monster ’cause he steals remotes.”
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V: “This bike has safety measures!” M: “What safety measures are on your bike?” V: pointing to the brake line “The safety measures are inside this cord.”
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(Discussing chocolate coins from the scavenger hunt at her brother’s birthday party.) “Our treasure was coins. I ate all my coins. I was greedy for my coin treasures.”
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(After tripping and putting her hand in some very green bird poop) V: “I landed in some bird broccoli.”
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I renamed the Roomba recently because V has been on a Moana kick and it seemed appropriate. It has made the notifications entertaining.
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V: “I’m a wayfinder!” M: “Is your bike kind of like your boat?” V: “No. Boats don’t have wheels. Bikes have wheels. So bikes are not like boats.”
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M: “So when are you going to be hungry?” V: “I’m gonna be hungry in, like, 7 minutes.”
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V: “Are you making a castle?” M: “Kind of. What would you think about me making you a castle?” V: “I think it’s a little tricky, but very creative.”
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S: “I called it [lasagna] ‘basanya’ too when I was her age.” V: “I call it ‘soup pizza!’”
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We’ve been making plans to go back to the US for the kids’ preschool years at least, to get them in English preschools and spend some time closer to the other side of the family. The recurring news of school shootings like yesterday’s is one of the main things that gives us pause. I can try to reassure myself that millions of kids go to American schools every day without getting shot—but the fact…
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V: “Are you gonna take your purse?” S: “I’m gonna take my black computer bag.” V: “That’s definitely your purse.”
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V, tucking herself into a pile of duvets and blankets under the Christmas tree: “This is where I sleep now.”
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“We’re waiting outside the store if you can’t keep your mouth off the Christmas decorations.”
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S: “Put the dinosaurs back in the bin.” V: “This is not a dinosaur.” S: (Sigh) “OK, put the dinosaurs and the pterosaur back in the bin.”
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“Mommy, I just can’t wait for Daddy time when you go to your meeting!”
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V: “This helicopter doesn’t fly.” S: “Why doesn’t it fly?” V: “Because it’s a toy.” S: “You got me there.”
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S: “Do I need to start taking things away?” V: “I want you to take something away.” S: “OK, let’s start with your hammock.” V: (As I’m taking down the hammock) “Next time start with something else. Next time you should start with a toy.” S: “Next time, think about it before saying you want me to take something away.” V: “Next time I’ll tell you to take away my doll house, and then my hot dog…
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M: “How much do you love your little brother?” V: “I love him as fast as a velociraptor runs!”
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“I told Siri not to play the bad guy song. But the bad guy didn’t know why I told him not to sing. That was the funniest part—when the bad guy said, “I want to sing!” but I said “No.”
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V: “No, don’t shower.” S: “Well I’m very sweaty and very dirty.” V: “Oh, that sounds like a problem.”
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“I think the dinosaurs were eating ice cream and then it ran out, and that’s how they died.”
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“It’s sticking to my neck because I’m so sweaty. I’m like a stick of glue.”
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Running in circles around the restaurant: 🎵 “I’m almost a grown-up lion!” 🎶
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“I wonder if God was being silly putting salt in the water.”
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“If I have a pet mosquito, it will probably want to bite my bum. Then I’ll have to tell it, ‘No biting bums!’ … That’s the funny thing about having mosquitoes for pets.”
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S (to V): “You’re very sweaty” M: “I know, she’s melting.” V: “Kinda like ice cream!”
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(After counting to twelve) “Do flowers come after twelve?”
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“The name of my dance is ‘T-Rex eats eggs.’”
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I called V to come put toppings on her pizza. She responded, “OK, I can come because my dinosaurs are eating right now.” Her dinosaurs:
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“I’m too full. The meat didn’t scoot over.”
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(V points to the floor at the fork she just dropped.) V: “ Meow ” M: “What are you asking for, V?” V: “ Meow ” M: “‘Meow’ doesn’t mean ‘please pick up my spoon.’” V: “No it’s not a spoon. It’s a fork.” M: “Oh sorry. I guess something was lost in translation.” S: “Cats don’t use spoons or forks so the distinction is lost on them.” V: “May I have my fork please?”
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“That dog woofs a lot. Every night and every day when I go out that dog is woofing. He’s nice but he’s a little woofy.”
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V: “I peed in my green dress. That’s why I changed.” M: “You didn’t pee in your green dress; you spilled oatmeal on it.” V: “No but—oatmeal is kind of like pee.”
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S: “Why are you eating your toe?” V: “Because the food isn’t here yet.”
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V: “A cat hissed at me today.” S: “Why did a cat hiss at you?” V: “It just wanted some alone time.”
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S: “V, you really should go potty so you don’t have an accident.” V: “In a second, OK?” We’re raising a two-and-a-half-year-old teenager.
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(Holding her Spider-Man doll) “Spider-Man has baby bad guys in his tummy.” That’s what we get for letting her watch me play Spider-Man while also expecting her baby brother.