How to find a mentor and why it will change your life.

Welcome back to Take Your Time, a space where I share pieces of my world in the hope that they spark growth, reflection, and connection for all of us.

Today’s letter is a special one, as it’s with someone I’ve mentioned and referenced constantly throughout my career: my mentor and one of my closest friends, Ara Katz.

I’ve been on record saying this: your first (or second) boss can really make or break this whole career thing. You’ll either spend the rest of your professional life unlearning the bad habits they taught you, or you follow in their footsteps. The way they see and move through the world becomes the template you build from.

I was lucky to have a visionary first boss in Emily Weiss in 2012, but it was when I started working for Ara at the mobile shopping app Spring (a company that was way too early for its time, IYKYK), that everything changed. It was under her that I developed a new language and vision for marketing, community, mentorship, all of it.

I was working for Emily and Nick Axelrod at Into The Gloss, transcribing interviews from my tiny St. Marks apartment, planning to just work through the evening when I got invited to an event from a former boss at Giles & Brother (also, IYKYK). This sentence is going to give early 2010s energy, but my old bosses, Courtney and Phillip Crangi, were collaborating with Kate Bosworth with JewelMint (a subsidiary brand of the business Ara was a Founding Partner in, BeachMint). I almost didn’t go because I was locked in on work, but the event was only a few blocks away on Great Jones, and I knew it was probably worth it to swing by and see my old bosses (let this be a reminder that relationships are everything!! Stay friends with your former bosses and colleagues).

That yes changed my life.

I met Ara that night. We went deep. Eight months later, she messaged me that she was starting an app and building her team. (I also have LinkedIn to thank for a little cosmic push: I had just finally created a LinkedIn profile as all adults do, and when it notified my contacts, it pinged Ara, who was in my contacts list. If I’d clicked “skip,” I’m not sure we’d be here. The universe had my back.) I had a 7:45 am coffee with her the next morning at what was then Toby’s on 5th (now a Ralph’s), I met her co-founders David and Alan Tisch that afternoon, the next day I found out I got the job, and I have been following Ara into every tunnel she’s walked into since.

Before I go further, two quick, essential learnings for the 20-somethings out there:

1. Say yes to things. You will never know who you’ll meet that could change your life. I know you want to sleep or make the 7:30am Pilates class or just stay in, but go out. Connect with people. Make your world a little smaller. The sliding doors moments don’t announce themselves. As you get older, you’ll learn to say no more and protect your energy (and I love this era) but right now? Just get out there.

2. If you can, live in the thick of it. My St. Marks studio was literally smaller than a parking spot for an Escalade. The apartment before it, also on St. Marks, had the roof fall in on me. (One of my dear friends JULIANA SALAZAR lived in the apartment too… we’ve went through it with that place.) And you know what? It was the best of times. I know it can feel like everyone else is living some fabulous life online, but in your early years, it’s okay to live in a non-glamorous apartment in the service of your dreams. It’s about being out in the world, spending time with creative people who inspire you, and creating momentum.

When it comes to finding a mentor, it’s not as simple as sending a cold DM or asking point-blank (cue the ‘one does not simply walk into Mordor’ meme). Real mentorship takes time. It takes trust. It takes being in each other’s orbit long enough for something genuine to take root.

Of course, in more technical industries, asking someone directly can work. But for me, it has always been the apprentice model. Follow the master, and the young grasshopper shall one day become the master.

For two and a half years, I did whatever was needed. And if I couldn’t do it, I sure tried. Every single ask came with extraordinary empathy, and every task taught me a new level of excellence I didn’t know I was capable of. If you’ve ever had the gift of working with or for Ara, you know exactly what I mean.

And in that process, my world opened up: the way I thought, the people I knew, the standard I held myself to. It changed my career and network forever.

If you’re looking for a mentor, here’s the thing about finding one: every brilliant person needs people to build with. They cannot do this alone. Find someone who you admire (whether they’re well-known, like Emily, or someone you randomly met somewhere you almost didn’t go) stay connected, and find ways to help them and make their life easier. That is your job. If you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who inspires you. And simply showing up for them is the best education you’ll ever get.

Over time, I became Ara’s Seedling, and now I have Seedlings of my own. In fact, our Crown Affair Seedling Mentorship Program is inspired by this relationship! My Seedlings at work are mini-mes who have worked alongside me through the years. I pass on these learnings because I need them to help me build, and in that journey, they find their footing and grow into their own.

The 7-10-ish year age difference is a powerful thing. Life tends to move in 7 to 10-year cycles, and having someone who is about a decade ahead of you (with more time and experience on the planet) is everything. Just as valuable: having someone a decade behind you, with their pulse on the world and the culture in real time. Both relationships are essential. Together, they make you whole.

In our conversation, Ara went places I didn’t expect, and that’s exactly what she does in the most intentional and soulful way. She reflected on losing her mother at 15, and how grief became the lens through which she learned to trust herself. She talked about how she turned to creativity as a means of survival as a child, long before it became a career or a company. She talked about neuroaesthetics, about the way physical space shapes us, about the importance of getting quiet in a world that rewards loudness.

A few of Ara’s words I want to leave with you, whether you watch / listen to the episode or not:

This is the through-line of everything Ara does and builds. At Spring. At Seed. In how she parents, how she creates, how she shows up for the people she loves. In our conversation, she said this in the context of the algorithm, of the relentless pressure on creatives to contort for clicks, to perform a version of themselves that platforms reward. Her answer: don’t. The cost is too high.

Ara lost her mother at 15. She talked about what that grief taught her: that when you don’t have someone to turn to, when the world feels uncertain and unsafe, the only thing you can rely on is your own knowing. That’s not a wound she’s still carrying. It became her compass.

She said this directly to the women listening. And I felt it in my chest. How many of us are quietly bending ourselves? For approval, for the feed, for the room, and haven’t stopped to ask: at what cost?

This could be the whole episode in a single concept. Ara read Mary Oliver’s “The Journey” aloud near the end of our conversation, and I promise you, if you listen to nothing else, listen to that.

And because she is Ara, someone who has been through profound loss, profound reinvention, and still arrives at love, I believe her.

There is simply no way I approach Crown Affair the way I do — or now, Take Your Time — without Ara having imbued her philosophies and belief system in me over the last 13 years. I’m still figuring so much out. I still go to her. I ask her opinion. I get her perspective as I navigate this next chapter.

In our conversation, you can hear it: what she wishes for me, the ways we push and pull against each other, the tenderness underneath the honesty. That is a relationship that has taken 13 years to unfold and learn. It doesn’t happen overnight. It is a slow simmer.

Investing in your relationships is the most important thing you can do, personally and professionally. The returns are not immediate, but they are everything.

🎧 Listen to Episode 002 with Ara Katz here →

Also available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you watch/listen to your podcasts.

I hope you fall in love with her the way I did. With how she thinks, how she speaks, how she sees. And with everything she touches — including Seed, which has been a part of my life and my gut health for the last seven years.

Thank you, AK. For reminding me to take a few deep breaths. To listen to my inner knowing.

Take care, and take your time, always,

Dianna

1. Seed — Ara co-founded Seed, and their DS-01® Daily Synbiotic has been part of my non-negotiable morning ritual for seven years. If you haven’t tried it, now is a beautiful time.

2. Mary Oliver’s “The Journey” — Ara read this poem aloud in our episode, and it is the perfect thing to come back to whenever you feel pulled away from yourself.

3. Undimmed by Cecily Mak — Ara recommended this book in our episode and I immediately ordered it. It’s about grief, motherhood, and living fully in the wake of loss.

Here’s something that doesn’t get talked about enough: your hair is a reflection of what’s happening on the inside.

The gut and the scalp are more connected than most people realize. When your microbiome is imbalanced, it can show up as dull hair, excess shedding, a scalp that feels reactive or dry. The follicle is one of the most metabolically active structures in the body, and it’s deeply sensitive to nutrient absorption, hormonal balance, and systemic inflammation, all of which are regulated, in part, by the gut. This is part of why Seed has been in my life for seven years. Also, make sure you’re getting regular bloodwork completed (I do Function every 6ish months!) and taking the supplements you need to thrive. What’s going on with our hair is a signal of what’s happening in our bodies. Listen to it :)

Take Your Time is a podcast and newsletter about the art of becoming who you are. New episodes drop every other week. Find everything at takeyourtimeuniverse.com

1. A vintage Kirkland Cashmere Sweater. I find these everywhere from eBay to Poshmark to Depop.

2. A favorite ‘lived in’ tee and the fragrance to go with it.

3. The best silk pants.

4. The flats I wear 3x a week.

5. A crystal, always.

6. The clip as a styling tool for my sweater — thank you Kelly Klein for styling me to always make me feel like the best and most authentic version of myself !! And for this brilliant clip styling hack.

7. A dream surrealist clutch.