To aspiring writers everywhere

On the same morning I learned that my most recent novel, A HOUSE FOR MISS PAULINE, had been reviewed by Colin Grant in the New York Review of Books, my husband in his exuberance to celebrate the news with a hug and by accident, knocked my cell phone out of my hand. It fell hard. I reassured him – I had dropped it many times before and it would be fine. But the phone wasn’t fine. Big chunks of the next two days were spent trying to find out what was wrong with it (probably just the screen is damaged; no, the mother board is dead), buying a new phone (it costs HOW much?) and then trying to retrieve my stuff – chats, emails, files, photos, social media posts, passwords, calendar, lists, apps, and probably a whole bunch of things I still don’t realize I’ve lost.

This preamble is to say that life intervened to stop me floating around the house enjoying the review of my book. Now that the phone angst has settled (only somewhat!) I’ve been able to think about what the review meant.

A HOUSE FOR MISS PAULINE is one year old today, published in the US on February 25, 2025 by Algonquin Books, in the UK on February 27, 2025 by Dialogue Books. The UK paperback will be out on Feb 27, and today, I got the first two copies in hand. The paperback version has most, if not all, of the endorsements received from writers and reviewers on the first two pages. So I thought: is this IT then? Writerly success?

My conclusion is that chasing success mentally or otherwise is a futile and self defeating act. The task now is just to get myself to listen.

I’ve written since the age of thirteen, mostly unpublished, and my first novel, DOG-HEART was published by Peepal Tree Press in 2010. So I’ve been a published writer for just under 16 years. During that time, I have engaged in frequent revision of the markers of success, as each of my novels were published:

Dog-Heart (2010): All I want is for the book to be real, to hold it in my hands. I don’t care how many copies it sells.

Huracan (2012): All I want is the longlisting of a prize. Any prize. I don’t care how many copies it sells. Wait, I didn’t mean that few!

Gone to Drift (2016): All I want is a review in a major newspaper. And for the UK rights to be sold to a US publisher so it can be published there. To see my book on a shelf in a foreign bookshop, preferably Books and Books in Miami International Airport. I sort of care about sales, I mean, that’s how we assess things, right? At least 5,000 copies.

White Liver Gal (2017): Let me see how this self publishing thing goes. I bet I can sell more copies than my publishers. Nope. Big mistake.

Daylight Come (2020): All I want is an agent, shortlisting of a prize, a review in a major newspaper, the US rights to be sold, to see my book on the shelf in a foreign bookshop, okay, any bookshop, a movie deal and to be on a bestseller list.

A House for Miss Pauline (2025): Awaiting the call from Oprah and the Booker Prize.

You get the picture.

(Side thought as I review my publishing history: Am I slowing down??)

So here’s my advice to any aspiring writer who yearns, as I did for most of my life, for ‘success’:

Zadie Smith had it right, when she said at the Calabash 2025 launch here and I hope I am quoting her exactly, ‘To be a writer is to be perpetually dissatisfied.’

So aspiring writer, here’s the unvarnished truth. We are dissatisfied with the following and you will be too:

• The speed at which we work – only 311 words today, this will never end, do you know how old I will be by the time this book has been finished?

• The lack of time we have for writing – need the cabin in the woods, preferably with a chef

• The actual words we write – what cringey, cliché ridden shit!

• The paragraphs we revise – oh please! The whole chapter needs to come out, in fact the entire concept of the book needs to be rethought

• The rejections – do not think, dear writer, that these ever stop coming, and please know that all rejections will say that your writing is ‘stunning’ but sadly the person rejecting did not fall in love with your book, and there will definitely be someone else who will be swept off their feet

• The length of time publishing takes – years of rejection pre contract, months, if not years from acceptance to contract, more months to publication, even more months to that first royalty statement which will reveal sales figures that must have missed a zero for sure

• The advance, if there is one – few writers will talk about the amount. Will we sell out the advance, or is this up front payment it for all time? For five to ten years of work?

• The cover design – this one we don’t know why we are dissatisfied, but we just are. It’s not how we imagined it, dreamed it, conjured it up when we couldn’t sleep.

• The writers who say no to your timid request for an endorsement, and the writers who say yes but never send it

• The publicity budget or lack thereof - is anybody out there? Anybody?

• The lack of reviews or the reviews which do come – did they even READ the book?

• The prizes we did not win – which we may not even have been entered for, and if not, why not?

• The prizes other writers win – for which we may not have been eligible

• The book tours we were not sent on

• The festivals and events we were not invited to

• The book tours, festivals and events other writers went on and did attend

• The annoying social media posts other writers make about the festivals, events and book tours they have been to, all of which you must ‘like’ in order to show your support for the writing community

• The absence of our books on shelves in stores – how are people to buy the blessed thing?

• The Amazon ranking, which says you are the 1.3 millionth most popular book on Amazon.

I’m sure if I spent more time I could come up with additional disappointments.

But then. One day, often entirely randomly, you will meet or hear from a reader, and they will tell you how much your book meant to them, or a fellow writer will love your book and recommend it to an editor who will commission a review, and the reviewer will like your book and craft a detailed and generous assessment. And then aspiring writer, just embrace that as the blessing it is. For that IS success.

And try not to break your phone on the same day.