companion blog to tahimik.com unashamed God posting. a doubter, but wanting to believe. or, rather, trying to figure out if i can believe. i like to make ...
"If you love us, you won't move out," is something my parents said to me once. Surely there is some sort of fallacy in that statement. Of course I love my parents, but me moving out had nothing to do with how much I loved them. It was something that I knew I had to do for myself. Despite their protests, I moved out anyway. I grew a lot from it, and it ended up being better for our relationship.…
Nat wrote a great post about choosing what to believe, but I don't know if I fully believe (hah) it. I feel like I'm trying to choose to believe something right now, and I'm struggling. I'm piling evidence and prayers and experiences and I'm ultimately waiting for a light switch that will suddenly turn everything on for me. I keep coming back to something I wrote in an earlier post: "well, you…
Back in my Tumblr days, one of my mutuals really liked Donna Tartt. She would reblog pictures of Tartt quite a bit, and because I had a major crush on this girl, I tried to analyze what was so good about Tartt. I could see the appeal. There was something very striking about Tartt's small pale face, her strong nose, her neat yet severe dark bob, and her insistence on wearing sharp suits. I didn't…
Feeling ugly, feeling bad, feeling all kinds of sad. Which is odd, because recently, things have been relatively good. And I can hear my priest in my head now. Something about the kind of happiness that's fleeting; that true and lasting happiness comes from God instead. And... I want to believe that, I really do. I want to believe I can be happy here. I've put myself in front of the tabernacle…
I've started a new ritual. Before going into work, I stop by a cafe and grab breakfast. I think it just recently opened. My main indicator is a small, informal, handwritten note with the hours of business pasted onto the window. Too informal to be intentional. Another indicator is the very modern decor: austere and minimal, almost to a fault. I don't stay long in this little new cafe, although I…
I have been on at least 45 flights in my life (and, God willing, five more to go on this year), but I'm still afraid of flying. I have had eager flight enthusiasts tell me that statistically the first 15 minutes and last 15 minutes of a flight are the most dangerous parts of a flight. That's still like one third of a flight to Vancouver. I've even watched a lot of pilot videos explaining how safe…
Yesterday we were driving from my dad's place to my mom's place. It was an eight hour excursion, with a little detour in the middle. It could have been a few hours shorter, had we not stopped around lunch time for morning mass at a minor basillica (nothing minor about it, it was a huge church), and, of course to eat. I was looking forward to dropping by the church, but our stay was short. We…
Note: This post discusses restrictive eating and weight loss. A little unknown fact about me is that my weight has constantly fluctuated up and down over the years. My last recent big weight loss occurred around two years ago. I lost around 40lb over the course of a year. To achieve it, I practiced intermittent fasting: One meal, usually at lunch, and absolutely no snacking (I was never a big…
I went to a different parish yesterday. A little tiny building nested into a neighbourhood, behind a row of stores on the main street. It was the only one with confession open at that moment. But once I got there, the doors were locked and I stood outside in the snow wondering what to do. A minute or two later, I could hear the door latch unlock. I wasn't stranded after all. As soon as I walked…